Jealous...Borderline Maniacal

Post Reply New Topic

You have all heard my countless stories and read my reoccuring posts...I'm not good with girls at all and I don't even have a friend that I talk too. What makes it even worse is when I see my friends catch breaks or completely luck out telling me crazy stories of how they met someone...

So yesterday my friend asked if I wanted to go to the casino with him and I went and thought it was gonna just be us 2 but he brought along a girl that he used to go out with and he's really an a-hole in terms of girls. He just has fun with them and then ends it and he's basically gone through a list of friends from another one of my friend's younger sister...including the younger sister. So I felt like s**t (and of course I lost) because I felt like a 3rd wheel while they flirted during dinner. I was alone most of the night while they were around having fun and doing good as well. The girl was being nice to me and we talked a little and on the car ride home I found out that she had a lot in common with me in terms of her favorite shows as a little kid and music. It's stuff like this that makes me wonder how my friend even hooked up with her because he doesn't seem to have much interest in common except for screwin around with girls a couple years younger than him.

And then another friend who has had much success in the girl category told me the most ridiculous story: He works at a movie store and this hot girl walks in just as he is set to close and denies her renting a movie b/c of the closing. The girl said she wanted to do something tonight and she wanted to see a new movie so my friend says "Hang on I'll pull up what's playing on my phone." When he tells her this movie she wants to see is playing in like an hour, she thanks him and then invites him to come. Obviously he goes and then she asks him if he wants to go back to her house, which is ironically the street over from me. They sit on the couch and start talking and before you know it. he's bangin' her.

I mean the fact that I got along good with the first girl and she shared so much in common with me just upset me the whole night and then I hear this and it's like a punch in the stomach, he already has had a good bit of luck, does he really need that ridiculous crap to happen.

As they throw their lines out, the keep reelin' them in while I cant even get a nibble and it sucks...and you know this is just 2 friends and 2 examples, most of my friends have already had fun so far and I'm 19 going on 20 and I haven't even got to Step 1.

I'm losing it...I'm so frustrated emotionally and sexually. I just want something to fall my way, catch a good break. I hate people saying you make your own luck cause I still don't have a job as well and no confidence. I just wish something could happen like the movie story, something to give me hope and confidence so I can finally break free of this problem.

I think you have two misconceptions so allow me to correct them.

1. It doesn't really whether you have something in common with someone or not, other than mutual attraction. People don't always want to date their "twin".

2. If you are just waiting for something to fall your way you will probably be waiting a while.
The experience of your friend at the video store was rare. Women only very infrequently ask men out, especially men they don't know. Generally, the man needs to take a more proactive role in procuring a date.

You should not be shy to approach your friends who have been successful on the dating scene and ask them for some help in attracting and asking out women.

Forget about the way that your friends get girls, we don't have the "social firepower" to handle chat up lines and the tiny confusing signals that happen when flirting. Think about when you were out with your friend and the girl, she was off limits so you just talked to her and got along fine, that's how you will meet someone - when you're not trying.

The usual places people meet like clubs and bars are not good for us, you need places where you can gradually get to know a girl, evening classes or dance lessons for example. Just make sure its something you enjoy as you need to be comfortable and relaxed, nothing turns a girl off faster than if you appear desperate. Become an expert on body language, it's an essential skill for anyone on the spectrum, you may already be getting more attention than you think but you don't notice the little signs and suggestions.

I'm sorry man, that can't be easy. I look at things the same way through my eyes, although with friend making, not getting laid.

I get sick of watching people fall on their feet over and over again and never experience any problems.

My best advice to you if you have trouble with something you want badly, think about something you're better than them at and get really really good at it (I'm sure there is plenty), maybe earn some money with it. They might have the girls.. but you have the skills?

WayneP has it covered, above. don't play that game like your friends are doing, but approach from a completely different perspective and you will probably have more success. you're signing up for the wrong events at the track meet, so you will not be able to compete against steroid-injected athletes in the sprint when your talents might be put to better use in shot put.

that kind of club environment does not work for most aspies, so it is better to find venues that play to your strengths.

also, do you have a passion or hobby or schooling that fills your days? women don't universally require that men should have a job, but if a man (or woman) isn't working then it is kind of expected that their days are highlighted with something fulfilling. if you are not really focused or doing anything interesting in your life, that is likely to come across in your interactions.

Thanks for the advice, I have gone to those friends, well not the jackass one but they say the same thing I always hear. You just gotta go for it.

The problem is I don't know how to...I legitimately don't know what I would talk to a girl about, I wouldn't feel comfortable unless I have help. I cant start convos on my own...the whole car ride convo with the old shows and music was because my friend just randomly played the intro to Rocket Power. The music because it was an hour ride home and he put on his music.

It's been like this before in college. I would be fine in group activities and conversations cause someone would ignite it and then I can talk pretty good. But if I were to just go up to a girl I like, I wouldn't know the words to say.

Oh and by the way, he wasn't intending to flirt with her, he was just being friendly and he said he was shocked (in a good way) that she asked him seeing as he was a total stranger.

And I don't understand people saying it happens when you don't try/least expect it/it will happen one day. Back to my fishing analogy, if I don't ever cast out how can I catch???

And if I'm not trying what do I have to wait for...a girl to be interested in me...cause I don't think that will happen anytime soon.