Online Dating Sites

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If you care to post some links to online dating sites, feel free to do so in this thread. We can make this into a thread where lonely aspies can look for love online.

I've posted a personal ad on this forum months ago and received no replies, and I didn't see anything that would indicate anyone else had found what they were looking for either. In the eligible odd-bods thread the only posts which received replies mostly seemed to be from females. Males got no replies for the most part...

Well anyway, I found a site which is free, and I mean really free, because you can do everything on the site including reply to people without the need for a credit card. Check it out, here is the url http://www.plentyoffish.com/

And feel free to recommend more sites... if anyone knows of online dating sites specifically for aspies/autistics I would greatly appreciate it.

Online dating sites generally don't work. At least, that's how it's been for me. I've been using dating sites ever since my 18th birthday, and I only had ONE date from them. It was from Plenty of Fish, btw. On the upside, the girl was very nice and friendly. She seemed to have had a good time; it's just that I made some mistakes during the date.

Most of the time, though, the profiles are posted by girls who normally wouldn't be expected to use a dating site. Oftentimes, they simply post a profile for attention, without ever intending to meet the guys from the site. Or they post them to enjoy the power of rejecting guys.

To get the best results, ask yourself the following question before replying: "Would this person have difficulty finding dates in real life?" If the answer is no, move on to the next profile. While browsing profiles, look for the following indicators that the person is serious about finding a date:
-> Relatively long and detailed description in the profile
-> The photo is *not* revealing (not more so than street clothes on a summer day)
-> Key words like "relationship", "get to know", and "first date"
-> Few or no blank sections in the profile

In the light of all that, best of luck to you. There are some dating sites which you should avoid like the plague. For legal reasons, I won't post a list here, but you can PM me, and I'll send it to you.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 31 Jul 2005, 12:47 am, edited 2 times in total.

While on the subject, does EHarmony.com really match you with your soulmate? It says it hooks you up with the 29 dimensions crucial for a long term relationship?

I agree with Aspie1 on just about everything.

I've tried those sites on and off for years and only got two dates, both of which were disasters but it wasn't my fault.

I had wondered why hot girls would bother with such sites but Aspie1 opened my eyes - it could be just to feed their egos.

match.com has got meaner lately - the other person can send you a form 'No' response to really rub it in your face.

Thanks for Plentyoffish, though... I'll have a look but don't expect much.

P.S. I've hooked up twice using the Net but never through personals.

P.P.S. Plentyoffish isn't bad for this sort of thing - at least they're not trying to rip you off.

P.P.P.S. You know it isn't just you and these things don't work when you try these sites and for your town you start seeing ads for the same people, sometimes for years, using different sites.

From what I've read about dating sites, they work for some, but not for everyone.

Young_fogey wrote:

It may actually be for the better if a site such as Match allows a "form 'No' response" to be sent (for many AS folks)...it removes the ambiguity which can lead to all sorts of unintended confusion when one or more parties could be characterized as "socially awkward." It makes things clear, as opposed to a rejection being buried within unwritten social nuances. And it prevents really stupid stuff from going on (e.g. when a guy asks for a girls' number, and she intentionally gives him the wrong number, etc.). This provides a way where one does not have to say No to one's face, but allows the message to be sent clearly.

Personally, I wish everyone had the courage to specifically SAY "yes" or "no" rather than play games when someone asks them out, asks for their number, etc. And think that this is a step forward in that direction.

Checked out plentyoffish and based on the ads and the forum it looks like a collection of bad singles clichés - dudes showing off chest hair wearing gold chains, 'So, do you live around here often?', 'I like fuzzy puppies and walks along the beach', fat girls, lots of 30s-40s divorcées and 'separated' (translation: married) women all with kids, etc. If the posters aren't just bragging (quite possible) it seems to work to hook up/get casual sex for a certain slimy kind of NT.

There are some weird games going on, like the woman saying several times she's looking for friends only, and no 'intimate encounters' (casual sex), but posting pics of herself in lingerie with her breasts hanging out! (I noticed because she happened to be sort of hot.)

I see what you mean about the 'No' form but disagree - a nice original rejection note is better. (I've got two or three of those.) The only good thing I can say about it is at least it doesn't keep you waiting for a reply.

craigslist.org

My roommate actually went on dates and had some relationships from there. And he's got to be clinically shy or something.

Wonder if its worked for others?

I think thats why eHarmony is at least a good deal better than many of these search and peck sites. I think what matters far more than 'would this person have difficulty finding dates in real life' a better question to ask onesself is 'would this person be happier with me than most people? am I like them on a gut level that most people just can't fill?'.

Yeah, that's a rarer combination but trust me - you REALLY don't wanna just desparation date, especially when you and the other party could be miserable on almost any date where it was landed on that. You don't wanna diss them and you don't wanna diss yourself either. I hear it more and more now and I think it's true; like goes well with like - ie find someone who is like you in as many ways possible. If your a guy, try and figure out realistically what kind of Aspie or NT she would be, if your a girl just switch the gender on it. The point is knowing what you want and knowing what kind of personality traits would have someone wanting you. If your gonna go to personals sites that's one thing you'd wanna be pretty well squared away on before you started making inquiries.

I was once asked out by a girl when I was 19 to go out on a date and we agreed to meet at a certain place. She never came, I was stood up. It is still a quite painful memory 3 years later.

I am interested in getting a profile put on an adult dating site and I am wondering what sort of things I should put on my profile to attract the right kind of women.

Don't do it. Adult dating sites like Adult Friend Finder are a crock. Most women there are escorts; if you write them, they'll send you a link where you can buy "time" with them for $300/hr. Also, most of the women on those sites look pretty good. So logically, why would they need a dating site to find an intimate enounter? Wouldn't it be just as easy for them to find one offline?

http://www.shypassions.com/

Check this site out. It is entirely free, or so it says, and it is for shy people. I think it would be great for aspies.

Good advice

www.okcupid.com Which has no merits as a dating service IMO but has some uberly funny tests; it's worth signing up to have a place which keeps track of all your scores for you.

My dad's using SOME dating site toher than that. Thus far, he's had one date that went nowhere, an email from a woman "offering a service for a charge" and a "post-operation female." I really hope his luck changes soon but he's got a good sense of humor about it thus far. ((Not that there's anything wrong with being a post-operation female save for the fact that my dad would not want to date you.))

Took one of them which predicted I will die at the age of 74 from a heart attack.

I'll die at 82 but I forget the cause they gave me. I think it was heart attack too though.