Not physically demonstrative.

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jukebox
Tufted Titmouse
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11 Oct 2006, 9:13 pm

I love my girlfriend. I really do. I want to be with her, I want her happy, she brings me lots of joy.
But I don't want to just stand around HUGGING her. I don't want to make out with her all the time, unless I'm really, really feeling it - not just for the sake of it.
When I'm upset, she wants to hug and kiss me to comfort me...which makes it worse.
I'm not physical about my love, or really even very verbose. She takes it personally, and I can't blame her.
Anyone else have this issue?
What to do you do about it?



DrowningMedusa
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11 Oct 2006, 9:36 pm

I know exctly what you mean... I was freaked out the first time my boyfriend was like, "Let's cuddle..."
I've gotten used to it, slowly... but he'll always be more affecctionate than me, which creates a sense of disequilibrium.
How do I deal with it?

I try to explain to him that it's just the way I am, and sometimes it goes over well, and sometimes it doesn't.

Also, I try to show him my affection in ways I am comfortable with; I write him letters about what's on my mind, I create little programs and photoshopped images for him... I make him ceramic things...

I hope this helps... :roll:



RTSgamerFTW
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11 Oct 2006, 9:42 pm

I don't have any problem like that but if you don't want so much physical contact try and do other things that would make you both happy.


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Scintillate
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12 Oct 2006, 1:06 am

I've always been very sensitive myself, but once I tried touching and feeling with a girl, I became addicted, and generally I'm told I'm way TOO touchy and way TOO feely :P

I know what you mean about only wanting it when you feel it, otherwise it kinda becomes pointless and that magic starts to fade, maybe simply communicate it to her, that she IS really special to you, and that is why you don't want to overdo it touch-wise, because you wan't to treasure every time you do get to feel such things with her?



krex
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12 Oct 2006, 1:15 am

I think this could be effected by the "over stimulation" and stress you are experiencing in the other post.I know when I am preoccupied with stressers in my life,I am more physically sensitive and need more space in general.Everybody,including NTs,have different needs for intamacy.Some folks just need more physical confirmation of feeling then others.The challenge is in finding a balance you can both be happy with and that requires talking about it.Have you talked to her about how over whelming her "commune" is and any suggestions about an alternative living situation?


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