how do shy women do it
Ok. I know that men approach women and ask them out. But if a woman is so shy and so nervous around a man.
Even if a man comes up to her and ask her out. Wouldn't she just freeze up and not really say anything.
Or man could mistaken her as being rude.
anyways this is how image shy girls get dates
man: hey you
shy girl: um
man: want to go out
shy girl:um.....I.....
man: you do
shy girl: I....I....I
man: great, hey lets meet here later tonight
(later that night)
man: hey you want to get married
shy girl: well...i........Um
man: you do, ok. we will get married in march
(so shy girl married the man and lives very happy)
ValentineWiggin
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Exactly- 1 date and we're engaged.
Naaaailed it.
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so when very shy women date. Do they even talk? or does the man do all the talking?
Or are shy women so submissive they just taken any guy who comes along?
I don't know. Maybe men like dating women who don't say much.
When Im talking about shy. Im talking about people who freeze up and are so nervous
around the opposite sex. Think of Raj from the big bang theory.
The average shy women probaly can talk, so I guess Im misleading in my title.
I guess should say more social anxiety more than anything.
But alot of them somehow manage to get a date, even though they have near immpossible time
talking to anyone and not very social.
So how do shy,social anxiety women gets dates?
or do men really don't give a s**t about it. They just date anything that moves?
I'm not a "very shy" woman, but I'll give my perspective none-the-less. There are certain types of people who I struggle to say much at all around, and there are other types of people who I feel an almost instant rapport with and can open up to quickly. When you say "they have near immpossible time talking to anyone", that may not be true. Just because you don't see them talking to a man, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It also might be more likely to happen in a quiet place where there aren't other people around to see it, so you would never witness it. The men that shy women end up with might be those who they can more easily open up to.
here the webpage that talk about this http://www.succeedsocially.com/shywomen
here some stuff from the site:
Feeling really nervous and inhibited around men they might be interested in
And like with guys who are anxious about dating, the fear isn't something they can just easily 'get over'. They may be interested in a man, but feel too chicken to strike up a conversation with him. If he talks to her she may get totally flustered and tongue-tied, or be so anxious that she ends up babbling on when it's her turn to speak.
The nervousness inhibits their ability to take action in the direction they want to go. They want to talk to a particular guy, but they can't. They want to be able to wittily chat back to someone and make a good impression, but in the moment they just want to escape their nerves, and they do so by clamming up until the guy goes away. They might give someone their number, but be too scared to answer his text when he contacts them. Or they may really want to date someone, but wimp out and say no when they're asked out.
Shy women are more likely to be seen as aloof and snobby
I put this one first to get it out of the way, since I think most people know about this concept. However, even if someone knows that shy people can mistakenly seem snobby in theory, it's still easy to get sucked into thinking it in practice. If a guy approaches a girl, and she doesn't talk back to him much, he's likely to conclude she's just cold and rude and uninterested, and not consider the idea that she was paralyzed with nerves and didn't know what to say, or she was so anxious that she kept checking her cellphone to make him go away. Similarly, if a girl is standing around a party and not talking to anyone, people will tend to assume she's unfriendly (unless she has a blatantly shy 'deer in the headlights' look on her face.)
I think this view arises from a general belief that women are just more socially competent in general. It's not that no one realizes women can be shy. Just that sometimes the default assumption is that women are naturally more comfortable in social situations, and so if they seem distant or untalkative it's because they're choosing to be that way
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the one that talking about how shy women are mistaken as being rude. is one the that hit me the most. Because I've probaly have talk to a shy woman before that I thought was rude but possible was just very shy lady.
Yes that might be true. I really need to do some research and found out what type men these shy women are dating.
but if you read the one the article I post, few minutes ago, You would read that alot of shy women do get mistaken as being rude.
I myself possible could haven mistake a shy women for being rude. Now if you went up to a woman and try talking to her and she didn't respond to you. Would you try ''breaking'' her, like trying to get her out of shell (hope you understand the terms) or would just give up. So these men who are dating these women must have a very high tolerance or they are abuser type men who see's shy women as easy prey. Of course there are more than just them two answers.
Yeah, but unlike you wtfid2, she doesn't have to do any of the approaching.
To the OP, it's quite simple. If the shy, awkward woman isn't interested, she'll awkwardly tell him no. "Umm...uh, no." And if she finds him attractive, she'll awkwardly mumble out an "um, well, uh, yes."
A_floating_moon
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I have a hard time understanding how the average guy can mistake shyness for rudeness. :\
Wouldn't, at least most of the time, they be able to pick up on nervous shifting of the eyes, blushing, a quiet voice, etc... signals that the person is nervous? And then, if they see that person often enough at work or college or something, they might seem notice the quietness or that the person doesn't seem to be the loud type.
I know a person doesn't always respond the way they intend to, especially if autism or anxiety is in the way, so they may possibly sound a bit more upset or abrupt or something and that could turn a guy away... But still, I feel like shyness should be an easy thing to pick out overall. Maybe I am just so used to it that I can spot it. Or maybe I just think I can spot it.
And as for the original question...
I've been asked out once in my life. I said I'd like to but was busy with something that weekend. I'm not sure I quite understand his reaction because he ran off pretty quickly...
When guys flirt or talk to me, I tend to just smile and blush... and continue on with what I was doing. Say "thanks" if they compliment me... If someone asked me out and I didn't know them, I'd say no, even if I wanted to know them better.
It's easier online.
To get a date with me in person, the guy would need to:
See me around on a weekly/daily basis.
Talk to me a few times.
Be VERY persistent and offer me something that seems very tangible. Not just to "go out". It would need to be specific (location and such), take place in a comfortable setting, and take all pressure off of me as well.
This hasn't happened because I've never spoken to a person long enough for that to happen.
The_Face_of_Boo
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The_Face_of_Boo
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Even if a man comes up to her and ask her out. Wouldn't she just freeze up and not really say anything.
Or man could mistaken her as being rude.
anyways this is how image shy girls get dates
man: hey you
shy girl: um
man: want to go out
shy girl:um.....I.....
man: you do
shy girl: I....I....I
man: great, hey lets meet here later tonight
(later that night)
man: hey you want to get married
shy girl: well...i........Um
man: you do, ok. we will get married in march
(so shy girl married the man and lives very happy)
The Aftermath:
Man: Finally! We are married and alone! Now we can have sex all night! Wanna have sex now?
shy girl: Um...
Man: Good!! Here we go!! Ohhhh
shy girl: o....
Man: That was awesome! Did you enjoy it my darlling?
shy girl: I....
Man: What? Don't be shy anymore, you're my wife now!!
shy girl: I have Aids.
and they lived happily ever after.
Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 28 Oct 2012, 8:14 am, edited 2 times in total.
Wouldn't, at least most of the time, they be able to pick up on nervous shifting of the eyes, blushing, a quiet voice, etc... signals that the person is nervous? And then, if they see that person often enough at work or college or something, they might seem notice the quietness or that the person doesn't seem to be the loud type.
I know a person doesn't always respond the way they intend to, especially if autism or anxiety is in the way, so they may possibly sound a bit more upset or abrupt or something and that could turn a guy away... But still, I feel like shyness should be an easy thing to pick out overall. Maybe I am just so used to it that I can spot it. Or maybe I just think I can spot it.
And as for the original question...
I've been asked out once in my life. I said I'd like to but was busy with something that weekend. I'm not sure I quite understand his reaction because he ran off pretty quickly...
When guys flirt or talk to me, I tend to just smile and blush... and continue on with what I was doing. Say "thanks" if they compliment me... If someone asked me out and I didn't know them, I'd say no, even if I wanted to know them better.
It's easier online.
To get a date with me in person, the guy would need to:
See me around on a weekly/daily basis.
Talk to me a few times.
Be VERY persistent and offer me something that seems very tangible. Not just to "go out". It would need to be specific (location and such), take place in a comfortable setting, and take all pressure off of me as well.
This hasn't happened because I've never spoken to a person long enough for that to happen.
Nope, can't pick up on that with Aspergers. That and despite common thought, most guys are more "Aspie" than girls are. Guys have lower "empathy" in general. So no, I cannot read the difference of when girls are just shy or they hate me and don't wanna talk ever.
Kjas
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but if you read the one the article I post, few minutes ago, You would read that alot of shy women do get mistaken as being rude.
I myself possible could haven mistake a shy women for being rude. Now if you went up to a woman and try talking to her and she didn't respond to you. Would you try ''breaking'' her, like trying to get her out of shell (hope you understand the terms) or would just give up. So these men who are dating these women must have a very high tolerance or they are abuser type men who see's shy women as easy prey. Of course there are more than just them two answers.
Since I am shy, I will answer.
Shy women do get mistaken as being rude, because shyness can be interpreted as disinterest or other things.
Especially if they are good looking- they are just likely to be called a "stuck-up b*tch" without a second thought.
It does not occur to guys that a woman like that might have Autism, or anything else which inhibits her social ablity.
When guys approach me, first I freeze. When I recover from freezing, I run away. Obviously this type of behavior is not conclusive to dating.
The only two men who have avoided that reaction (I still froze but did not run away) have been very different to most other men I have met.
Both of them have been very patient and extremely understanding - and I have also been able to form a instant connection with them.
Neither approached me in the traditional way - I did not know it was supposed to be a date until they kissed me (which was where the freezing part came in).
I talk if I am comfortable around the person - but that doesn't happen very often.
I do not just date any guy who comes along, most guys I am not compatible with at all.
There have only been 2 in the last 10 years I have felt comfortable around.
Dating a guy if you are not even comfortable around and compatible with seems pointless, as it will cause overload and they are unlikely to be able to deal with the amount of alone time I need without taking it personally.
Trying to artificially "open up" a shy person usually does not work.
They need someone who they have a instant connection with and can open up to naturally.
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