NTs at school look down on my relationship

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first, you need some background about me, i will be short . most people don't see that i am autistic, maintaining this facade takes a lot of effort, it causes me so much stress that i can't do my work well. i recently started going out with a girl who has AS which is a lot more obvious. my NT friends think she is weird. they are doing their usual NT thing of hinting that she is not ok. some people have even said outright to me that they don't like her and they think i should break up with her. i have no intention of doing that. it really upsets me when people do this. i need the experience of having a relationship to practice the skills i need in relationships and dating when i am older. ironically the guy that has been giving me the most trouble has AS himself. he also has a girlfriend. i don't want to insult her but lets just say thatshe is not the prettiest in the school. he is insecure and is constantly mocking and teasing my girlfriend. he even told her she looked disgusting to her face. i have told him to shut up and i have even threatened him. he hasn't done anything really bad since then but i think he still talks behind my back. i need advice on my situation.

moved from In-Depth Adult Life Discussion to Love & Dating (at OP's request )

thanx.

Sounds like a hefty bit of trouble.



Violence is a bad idea. I wouldn't suggest it.

It sounds like he is treating you well right now. So the situation is better.

And people do talk. I suggest you ignore them.

Are you in high school? First, you should know that teenagers can be mean. Second, people are always going to think that people who are "different" are scary due to fear of the unknown. If you love your girlfriend then you need to be more confident. Tell these people that you are happy in your relationship and tell them not to bother you about it.

These people sound horrible. Suggest that they go fornicate with their parents.

Arguments usually escalate. I'd avoid them completely.

violence isnt the answer, but if a guy told my gf she was disgusting when i was there, i would punch him on the spot.

i'd tell this guy to cool it, and i'd tell everyone else being a douche to accept it because it isnt going to change and they are only causing the both of you un-needed and unwanted stress. if they cant stop, then avoid these people. if that guy keeps harassing your GF you need to do something about it ASAP. this isnt the time for flailing around, doing nothing. you need to act. dont let people walk all over your girlfriend. thats like bad mancode or something.

I would suggest withdrawing from the NTs that you put on an act with & focus on being yourself with your girlfriend more.

I think you should just make it a point to bring up her positive qualities/things you like about her whenever they start talking about her in a negative way.

I was there when I was in school I spent so much time trying to develop my social skills I ignored my work, I ended up hanging round with people I didn't fit in with and a lot of them I secretly didn't even like. I feel like the world has stamped all my little quirks out of me, now I'm not in school anymore I am fantastic socially for an aspiegirl but I miss my eccentricity and I got in the wrong crowd, got taken advantage of a lot failed at school, get your priorities right, celebrate your differences and find people who like you for you.

You want my opinion? I think the people who look down on your relationship actually don't care who you date. But what they do care about is making you feel bad about who you date. Granted, you yourself might secretly wish that you had a "hotter" girlfriend, but I'm sure that doesn't stop you from enjoying the relationship you have. If the people who hassle you are strangers, just tune them out, or somehow frame their actions as sexual harassment and report them to the dean. If these people are friends, tell them you'll throw them out of your life if they don't stop talking badly about your girlfriend. And don't be afraid to throw a punch if a situation really requires it; those jerks will respect you for it, your girlfriend will love you for it, and the school will give you few days off for it (it's suspension, but who cares).

f**k them.

to be honest... a moment ago, i reacted to something that Aspie1 said. he said:

and i got all in huff thinking that you never actually said that about your girlfriend, aspie48. so i went back to the read the original post, and i realised... aspie48, he is kind of correct... you haven't even really "sold" your girlfriend to us. i don't read anything in your post that says why you care for her or why you are attracted to her. what you did say is:


(i dunno if the part of a girl not being prettiest in the school is about your own girlfriend or your friend's, so i will disregard that).

basically, it sounds to me like you are not convinced you should be with her, so when people attack her (or attack you for dating her), you have no defense because you aren't that certain in your own mind that she is the right girl for you. if you felt happy and confident that your girlfriend is awesome and wonderful, your relationship would be untouchable. but those bullying friends are playing on your own insecurities.

i think you need to forget about all those friends and what they think while you sort out whether she is a person you actually want to be dating in the first place. there is no excuse to be dating someone just for the experience if it exposes her to nastiness and bullying from your friends. if you are going to date her, then she does not deserve that kind of treatment - she deserves to be cherished and cared for and defended strongly (at least verbally).

if you DO want to be with her, and you love her and are attracted to her, then remind yourself of all the good things about her, because being certain on confident of her good qualities and believing she is awesome will be like an armour against what anyone else thinks. if you DON'T really want to be with her, then maybe it's time to move on.

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Last edited by nat4200 on 19 Apr 2012, 4:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

Dude how do you meet so many people with AS? I've met like...3 diagnosed people in my life? Maybe suspect like another half a dozen?