Sexual and Romantic Rogue......

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Sometimes I feel like it is so hopeless to get any girl to "connect" with me. I know I have posted and discussed things in this subforum before, but I feel like anybody's advice is just what happened and worked once in the right set of unrepeatable circumstances for them. Also, even though I have AS, I have a completely different chemical-sexual makeup from EVERY other guy....... and the factors in a connection that worked for them won't translate for me. Personally, I feel like I am SO DIFFERENT even from every other AS male. (I CAN NOT physically get aroused unless there are a very specific set of circumstances present....... this is why I can't really "play the field" or keep many options open.)

I have come to one conclusion that my overall personality is just too obscure, and its pretty much impossible for any girls to really identify with me. I think most guys can collectively fall into one of 8 or 9 personality subtypes, and they can match automatically with any one of a group of girls who will instantly spot them. (Blue-collar beer drinker..... girl automatically falls for the wife-beater.) I think girls can't make a snap judgement and instantly classify me and figure me out as something, so they just move on rather than putting any effort in to me.

The thing is that my interests are basically comprised of 4 or 5 very narrow things, and the things I like really don't come together to form a bigger picture...... so I come across as soulless, empty, and directionless. I feel that most relationships eventually get based on deeper and larger "projects" as they move along......... most couples seem to have common goals together that they energetically pursue (starting a business, buying homes, having children, etc.) I think the problem is that girls see ZERO future potential for those kinds of things in me.

The problem of having only a few very narrow interests carries over into the next arena of difficulty. I AM very intelligent, but with only a few narrow interests, I am challenged for conventional conversation, and I think I am often initially perceived as unintelligent. If the conversation was on something I liked, I could talk all day, but oh how I struggle to respond rapidly, normally, and "correctly" to mundane topics. My interests are also not things that females take an interest in.......... Combine this with my piss-poor body language and eye contact, and I think I am often perceived as slow-witted. (I have even had a few teachers tell me a few years even after my class with them that they thought I was ret*d for the entire year I was with them.)

I actually do have a very highly developed social radar, but i'm so tuned in that I feel I tend to exaggerate a situation....... and I blow things out of proportion and get overly paranoid over "small thoughts" I know other people have. This is one reason I get gunshy around people.

While I know I am overall an intelligent person, I have extreme manifestations of AS. There is virtually no "Gray area" between my physical and mental prowess and my tremendous social deficiencies. When I read a list of AS symptoms, I manifest virtually EVERY one of the characteristics, so this is why I am perceived as being "slow," and why I think the type of intelligent girl I need for a really good conversation will never couple with me. I feel though that people in society unconsciously perceive that I should be matched with a "slow" type of girl who can have a more plebian type of relationship that they think I am more fit for, as for me to match with a more accomplished girl would be too much of a visible mismatch.

Even though I am techically "high functioning," my AS manifestations are so severe as to be utterly crippling. I think its also very difficult for me as my interests are also very unique and atypical of AS males, and I really don't even identify alot with other people with AS. I would not even think I had AS unless I was DXed as such. (I knew about AS 5 years before I was DXed, but I never made the connection that it was me) That is why some of the advice on this forum feels irrelevant to me, and I wasn't trying to be rude by rejecting it or anything, but I feel like its trying to shift something suitable for a different personality on to me.

It would be difficult for anybody to ever give me advice as they project what would be good for them on to me. In my case, I can't even get aroused in the usual manner for a heterosexual male, and I have only 1 very unique way I can masturbate, so trying to do things in the socially typical way is out the window for me. So many people in my life try and tell me "what they think is good for me," but I just have to shrug it off because I know it is ultimately useless.

Thats why I just feel like it is so hopeless as there is absolutely no precedent for somebody like me. Its doubly bad since intellectually compatible people will never give me a chance, or they patronize me with some kind of noblesse-oblige. If I can show one of my interests, people think I am some kind of idiot savant because I can't actually speak with them about it...........

I think deep down that NTs have some unwritten communication system where they subliminally spot eachother.......... like they flash each other a knowing smile or a knowing look everywhere they go to inform each other of their presence. In my life, i have always felt like I've missed out on some unspoken language like NTs have, and they will never let me "in the club" as they just really know how different I am.

I think that NT guys have a ritualistic code they do with girls, where they flash some sort of "mating signal" to an eligible female. I think I don't do this, or I do my looks "unnaturally," so I have no chance at all. Then, i think girls can't connect with me on any topic, or they think that I am ret*d........... even worse if they think the social gap between us is so great that they can patronize me like a slow child, and then if I can show off a special interest, they fawn on my like an idiot savant. And here I am even double-the-idiot thinking I am anywhere close to the level to be a suitable dating partner for them ! !

It really does depend, last time you said you wanted to go for girls that were conventionally beautiful or highly sought after because you thought that popularity and conventional beauty was the only thing that could sustain your interest in a relationship. I suggested before that perhaps you would have more success going for girls who are in a similar situation to your own or ones that you have more relevance towards.

There are girls who do like guys that show certain traits and I have found that I have had the best luck with girls who have artistic or creative traits, they tend to be more open to alternative or quirky guys so perhaps you would have more luck going for someone you wouldn't typically go for?

^ Sometimes I feel like all I can do is "throw many darts against the wall, and hope one sticks."

At times i feel like I would try dating a girl with 3 heads if she gave me the time of day. I do try "practicing" talking with lots of girls, but I feel like I have to sort out and filter 1000s who just don't "spark" with me. Its like most girls have a front or they've been too pre-conditioned by society to where they only want a "standardized" male.

When somebody like me comes along that they can't classify, its like they know instantly I am not compatible with their program and I get rejected.

I know it can be very difficult to meet someone if you have particular needs.

I met a guy at a house party recently, he was a friend of some friends and apparently an okay guy. And he was quite cute and funny, and we, erm, 'made out' as you Americans say (got off with one another). [edit: removed by moderator. please don't discuss fetishes in detail in Love & Dating. thank you.]

There was no second date.

I'm way more vanilla than him, and it struck me as kind of sad, because he seems like quite a lovely guy and I'm fairly sure he must find it quite limiting in terms of potential romantic prospects. I mean, his predilections mean that we're incompatible in terms of a relationship, and I think a lot of other women would consider something like that a deal-breaker too.