Dating troubles...

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What im asking for here is.... hmmm dating advice... Its been a while since ive dated.... Most endeavors end up being stumbles....

Is being yourself really all that great advice.... I mean it seems so scare off the opposites sex.... Should i create an alternate persona you think?

While I'm not too good at dating advice (I really am just myself but I do sort of manage to not be all of myself all at once, if that makes sense? I'm not going to come in and dump all my issues at the table at the first date) I can say this: don't create an alternate persona. Really, while it might feel like a good idea at first, let's think this through: you'd have to maintain this persona with someone who falls for it, and not for you. They would love someone who essentially did not exist, and you'd be burdened with maintaining and dividing between your true self and this persona. That's setting yourself up for trouble too, and I imagine at some point further into this relationship the possibility of snapping and/or having a breakdown would increase. As well, what about this person you'd be dating? Would it not be cruel to trick them? I don't think they'd feel too well about being fooled.

If you present yourself as someone else, how do you know they will love you for who you are? You can't keep up the facade forever and once the real you comes through, you might feel better, but then they will be hurt that they fell in love with the wrong person.

You might want to present with the best of yourself first and let what you consider the "icky bits" come out a little at a time. It is because of those "icky bits" that people end up loving you. In fact, some very confident people who have completely accepted who they are, actually revel in their uniqueness! THAT is attractive.

If you feel you have things you don't like about yourself, maybe you can work on them. If they are beyond your control, accept them and just throw up your hands... accept it and make the best of it.

The advice to "be yourself" is more about being confident and comfortable in your own skin than it is to "just do whatever it is you've been doing and hope for the best." Confidence is sexy. Be your most confident self.

I once heard that dating someone is like the peeling of an onion where gradually you shed the layers that unmask who you are. I concur. Its important to be you but not show yourself all at once.