The Online Dating Lexicon

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For a bit of fun, I have compiled a brief phrasebook translating the meaning of certain common phrases found on various online dating sites.

Please add your own, especially ladies, chime in your own based on what guys say and REALLY mean.

“I love to laugh” = “I haven’t an original idea in my pretty little head” or “I love to get shitfaced”
“I’m a fun loving girl” = I’m an early stage alcoholic and/or future single mom.”
“I’m a free spirit” = “I can’t hold a job, and I’m looking for someone to underwrite my lifestyle.”
“I love writing and photography” = “I’m unemployed and I got a point-and-shoot for my birthday.”
“I like to paint” = “I like to think about wanting to paint”
“I love city life” = “As soon as we marry you have to buy me a house in the suburbs”
“I’m a country girl” = “I’ve been around the block..also I hate gays”
“I’m mother to [insert number] amazing child/children” = “I ruined my life dating an a**hole”
“My kids are my world” = “Please help me watch these f*****g kids.”
“I’m kind of nerdy” = “This was just a test. There’s no way in hell I’ll date a nerd.”
“I’m skeptical about online dating,” = “I’m better than the rest of you, I’m just between cuter guys at the moment.”
“I’m an outdoorsy girl who doesn’t mind getting dirty” = “I’ve been on a 2 float trips”
“I don’t want someone who plays games with me,” = “Playing games is MY job.”
“Don’t message me if you’re less than six feet tall,” = “I’m a b***h.”
“I’m through with casual dating, and want to find that man I spend the rest of my life with” = “I’m searching for a man who doesn’t exist.”
“God is very important in my life” = “I’m eager to marry so I can start having missionary sex”
“I’m an independent girl,” = “I will dump you for an artist with a loft.”
“I live with my parents.” = “You better have your own place so I can move in.”
“I want to go back to school” = “I’m looking for someone to support me while I get my cosmetology degree”
“I’m a vegan,” = “I will judge you, harshly.”
“I’m an open book” = “I’m dull as dishwater”
“Don’t judge a book by its cover” =”I lack the will to improve myself”
“I’m trying to make a difference as an activist” = “If you want to see me, you’ll have to work around my schedule”
“I’m trying to make a difference working for a non-profit” = “My parents are rich”
“I love staying home and watching a movie,” = “I expect you to take me out to dinner A LOT”

cynical.. but I can't find much fault with it..

There are lots of subtle dog whistles that people use in profiles like that.

HAHA! In my extensive experience... most of those are more correct than not. Everyone is different and there are always exceptions, but yeah.... online profiles are riddled with double speak and not so subtle hints and innuendo. One must become proficient in reading them.

I started the online thing in about 2007 and had noooo idea how things worked there. I learned the hard way and eventually was able to tell from the info in the profiles whether or not a date would work out. I met my GF online. We've been together over a year now and we are perfect.

Edit: anyway my point is look for these clues and don't be desperate by spamming every cute picture with a message. Even if you get a date, it will be an awkward one. Figure out what you want in a partner, and learn to read the profiles in order to truly learn about what kind of person they are and what they want.

lmao.

this doesnt always need to be indirect, but if the other person talks about just coming out of a bad relationship and says a lot of harsh and negative things about the opposite sex, its a leper's bell warning to STAY AWAY

A little harsh but Im sure some of the females will gladly provide the male´s examples.

Haha, that's an excellent list for what the shallow people out there mean. love it

"I like a girl who takes care of herself" - No fat b*****s.

There are mainly 4 types of people in the online dating world: short guys, fat chicks, semi-hot girls looking for a sugar daddy, and douchey guys willing to pretend to be rich long enough to get laid. Happy hunting!

I would add:

hipster trust fund papers trying to preserve their cred by acting as if they're trying online dating as a lark, or because their friends set it up.

That's not true man. There are all sorts of people online. From those who just want to get laid, to attention seekers who just want to impress with sexy pics and want to see how many messages they can receive, to lonely men and women (usually either shy or overweight), to misfits of all sorts that don't fit in society, to regular joes and janes who just want to expand the dating pool, to people looking to move in with someone; all seeking anything from a friend to a date to activity partner to serious relationship to marriage.

I just want to say that this post cracked me up lol

Basically.

I mean, the original poster, posted some funny things.. but that is just as accurate.

"I'm sarcastic" or "I'm witty" or ANY reference to their 'sarcasm' = "I'm an evil b***h"

"People say my smile lights up the room." = "People say, "Jesus Christ...just humor her, okay?"
"My family is a big part of my life" = "Prepare to go to a lot of f*****g insufferable family gatherings."
"God made me this way." = "God makes junk."
"I don't like horror movies" = "I have no taste in general."