Losing my ability to date women I'm not attracted to

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First of all, don't get the idea from the thread title that I'm chauvinistic or manipulative. Read the rest of the post, then make judgments. Thanks.

Being an aspie guy, finding a girlfriend was never a luxury that god/nature/whatever allowed me to have. I first starting liking girls in middle school, only to get pranked and played with. Dating was big lesson in frustration until around 2006, when I started dating more-or-less actively. Read the following chronological description to see what I mean.

2002, early college:
After four long years of no girls ever showing interest in me in high school, my standards virtually disappeared. One girl showed interest in me. She didn't into traditional beauty standards, and I wasn't attracted to her, but I was so happy to finally date, and I went along with it. However, when I went dancing with her (mind you, back then, I couldn't dance to save my life), she didn't want to dance close, which meant she didn't like me! I guess I had that coming, since the most me and her ever did was hug.

2004, late college:
I had a car by then and started to master the basics of dancing. A series of drunken make-outs with me wearing beer goggles imprinted on me, and when I started approaching girls of similar physical types in non-drunken situations, I was getting dates and kisses for the first time in my life. They were actually responding positively to my romantic approaches. It was such a breath of fresh air, it was just "wow". Granted, it wasn't often, but still.

2007, getting my own apartment:
I got even better at dancing and fine-tuned my romantic approaches. Come to think of it, that year was the golden age of my dating life. I went on nine different dates that year, with five different girls. Sure, I was dating anyone who showed interest in me, but I got really good at overriding my sexual selection instincts, and just dating whoever showed interest, with or without attraction to her.

2010, changes start happening:
At this point, as I got older, I found myself having minor difficulty dating women I'm not attracted to. It wasn't due to my conscience stopping me, since I don't see my actions as manipulative; I still do all the romantic things and never lie when she asks me if I want a long-term relationship. It's just that I started having difficulty lowering my standards like I did before. Maybe my sex drive started dropping due to age, I don't know.

2012, today:
The whole time, I've getting better and better at dancing; I now get compliments each time. But now, when I ask women to dance, I actually seek out an attractive woman; I no longer enjoy a dance with someone less-attractive as much as I did before. In other words, my standards are increasing with no input from my logical brain.

So, what would cause these changes to start happening? I've always been very good at overriding my natural instincts to seek out most attractive women, because that was a luxury I was never permitted to have. Dating someone I'm not physically attracted to was something I resigned myself to living with and made peace with it. I used to find at least one thing I do find attractive about my past girlfriends, be it her hairstyle, her sense of humor, or the affection she gives me, and focusing on that. But now, having gotten older, I'm no longer able to do that; I want a romantic partner I enjoy looking at.

Anyway, post your thoughts. It's not a big issue for me, but I'd like to get third parties' input.

I also cannot date people I'm not attracted to. I don't think anyone should have to, but one has to realize is 1) are you *never* capable of being attracted to them? (could attraction grow over time?) and 2) your circle of available dateable people will already constantly narrow as you age, you may have to actively try to change your tastes as a result. I hope this doesn't sound judgy or preachy, these are just my experiences. I have effectively shot myself in the foot, but I've also gone way, way out of my way to try to be attracted to people I just wasn't, and nothing has changed. So I remain alone. Awaiting that needle in a haystack.

I think it says things about *me* that I don't particularly like, and that's something I have to live with. It makes me ugly. Do you know what I mean?

As for why things are changing/have changed for you, it's just that you're becoming more discriminating in your tastes,like happens to everyone. Very rarely do someone's tastes broaden as time goes on, without actively trying to make this happen.

desperation will lower your immediate standards harshly. but not so long on long term ones. only falling for someone will change those in my experience

Well, you are better at dancing now. If you can dance on command, you can shut your mind off on command. If you can do that, where do the standards come in? You are learning how to play the game. It's not about love because the game is materialistic. The way you meet people is by doing things you enjoy doing, which will get like-minded people to notice you. If you go out to clubs and dance, what kinds of women do you expect to find? You keep mentioning women you are attracted to, but you never mention your type. I'm assuming you go to clubs (or that you dance in the street) so maybe your type doesn't go to clubs. As for seeking out attractive women, you sound apologetic about that. Since you have confidence and you are proactive, of course you are seeking attractive women! It's biology dude. But as far as companionship goes, meeting women by dancing isn't the best way to get to know somebody. It's a good way to get to know their level of confidence, but knowing someone is gradual and it takes time. Dancing is cheating in that sense. Trust isn't earned in a vacuum, but dancing allows people to ignore that by shutting their minds off and having fun.

By the way, the same thing happened to me when I started going to raves and stuff. That's why I have so much to say about it because I asked myself the same questions. I went there because I just wanted to meet someone, you know? I didn't have the patience to do it the way I knew was right for me, and all it took was a few pretty girls to convince me to keep going out.

Can you not enjoy dancing with people you're not attracted to? Weird. I don't see how it matters. It's just a dance.

Apart from that, there's nothing wrong with having standards. Nothing at all.

everyone is entitled to date people they are attracted to.

it's too bad that so many men and women are only attracted to narrow standards of beauty, because then they limit their dating pool drastically. but as long as people are realistically aware that it's their own tastes that are limiting their dating pool and not the opposite sex being picky, then it seems that no harm will come from it besides self-imposed loneliness.

i tend to appreciate people's inward beauty first, and physical attraction grows from there. so i don't find that my dating pool is that limited as i can be open-minded to a broad range of people. i've definitely felt drawn to people quite quickly upon meeting them, but it isn't based on specific physical criteria.

Dancing is just one of the activities I mentioned. The concept can be expanded to many others: dining, going to romantic places, cuddling, kissing, and getting intimate. Back in early 2000's and until as recently as 2009, I could very easily do all those things with someone I did not even find remotely attractive, as long as it was 100% clear to me that she liked me romantically.

That began to change during the last two years. I started finding myself having increasing difficulty being romantic with someone I don't find attractive, although beer goggles mitigate that. It's not that I'm worrying about hurting her, since I'm always honest with my intentions, e.g. that I'm not looking for a long-term relationship, it's that I can no longer override my sexual selections instincts as easily as I could in the past. Maybe my sex drive dropped; not impossible, since 10 years passed since my first real attempt at dating, and aging is definitely a factor (being 28 vs. 18 ).

Why did I mention dancing? I've gotten quite good at it lately, so I've been using it as leverage in meeting women. The concepts applied to dancing also propagate to any romantic acts. But while in the past, I asked to dance anyone who would say yes, now I also factor in her looks.

At least you have the ability to date.

Me personally, I could not date someone I was not attracted to physically.