Dating an NT, what a nightmare!

Post Reply New Topic

So this girl i have been dating for over a month now has stated she 'wants to take it slow' but she talks about sex and dildos and vibrators and asking about my size all the time, yet she tells me the 'sex jokes have to stop'.

I met her dad weeks ago, and he thinks I am lying about certain things I have done in my past, like college abroad, and certain jobs I've had. So unfortunately his opinion is influencing his daughters opinion (who is 21 and in college BTW)

So So So, now she is really questioning everything I have told her and she says 'Do you have proof you did these things' and just being really interrogative. I am confused at her intentions, and no matter what I can't shake this feeling that she has someone she is currently interested in. She never questioned anything until her dad started filling her head.

She is a beautiful woman, but she is also very self-concise of her weight and thinks she is fat (she is about 5'6" and 190lbs). I have told her numerous times that she isn't and that I love her just as she is and she is beautiful to me, but she is so immature it is beyond belief. I too am a little on the hefty side, (think Kevin James) and she says I'm not the kind of guy she goes for usually.

I have been very courteous, chivalrous always opening doors, coats, etc you name it. Flowers, Orchids, Lillie's everything and pulling out every stop.

What should I do? What is she thinking? Why is she sending mixed signals.

BTW she also said she wants to wait for sex and kissing until married.

What can I do to tell her that she is nuts (but in a nice way!)?
What should I do to get her to understand that not everyone is a liar?
What should I do to get her to trust me considering her dad filling her head with these messed up ideas? Does he want her to himself?

Is this crazy:?
Am I Crazy?
Is she Crazy?

...And this is why I don't try hard at dating. Even if I happen to get the girl, they have this tendency to be insane. Good luck I guess.

Um, I'll give you a girl's perspective. The fact that she talks too much about sex (and be a prude at the same time) can either mean she was sexually abused as a child (thinking she needs to get your attention by saying sexual comments, but still fearful of it) or her dad has way too much control. Or both.

She still doesn't even know what she wants and I have a feeling she'll never know if it's you she wants. Since she started off so shaky, chances are it won't get better.

Do you really want to hypothetically marry someone who cares more about her father's opinion than her own? Trust me on this, this guy will not let up unless he's out of her life.

Bottom line after all my confusing questions and statements, she sounds like a control freak. You will never have any control in that relationship, nor will it ever be equal. She prizes her own opinion over taking into consideration how you feel (how ironic since she's an nt).

Hope that at least kind of helped.

Just date a sociopath, THAT is a nightmare.

Her dad needs to let go. He has too much control.

Does she live at home? She needs to move out.

Stilll.... not sure if her doubts about your sincerety are coming from the dad or from her. If from her then she's probably not that into you.

The sex/prude thing is... interesting. I think she's being influenced by how she was brought up by parents/dad. Are they hardcore christians? It'd explain a lot.

BTW, don't want to be mean... just realistic. She's not just overweight, she's obese. 5-6 and 190lbs is a BMI of about 31. She needs to lose at least 40 lbs.

IMO.. You should get out of this relationship soon; before you start to develop strong(er) feelings for her..

I agree with Ria1989 on this one. She will probably never know what she wants. She may be "damaged", and it may not even be her fault, but there is probably not anything you can do about it, and you are best not to get involved.

I have a history of getting involved with "damaged" girls like this, and of many different types, due to my low self-confidence/esteem(not saying that, or if you have that), and it never turns out well..

That is fat.

And from what I think, she sounds like the one who is crazy. Personally I don't know how you put up with it.

Sounds like she just wants you to have sex with her.

Although she could be just playing mind games and curious about your body.

She sounds too weird to me. Too many head games. And I hate games. Personally IMHO I would drop her like a hot potato.

She sounds wacko & she reminds me of my 1st girlfriend

Guys, unsolicited criticism of this woman's body is just uncalled for, especially when he said he LIKES her body.

ANYWAY. She probably does the sex stuff because, well, it's natural to be curious/horny/whatever, but maybe she is apprehensive about jumping into it (in other words, one part of her wants to "be smart" and play it slow, but the other wants to jump your bones?). Then again, I'm not good at playing games so I have no idea if this is a weird teasing thing that regular girls do.

The other stuff just seems really weird and impossibly immature. Who would lie about traveling abroad?

ok, so she's obese, and apparently she's also attractive, so that's all that needs to be said about that part. it's nobody's business what she looks like (OP, why-o-why did you even bring it up? it's good enough that you like her. screw what people think of her weight).


OP, she sounds like she doesn't know what she wants and she listens too closely to her father. seems like he doesn't trust her judgement (maybe with good reason), so he has kept her extremely sheltered.

she may want to have sex but maybe he's pounding it into her head that she needs to wait for marriage. so what you are likely experiencing is the mixed signals coming from her sexual curiosity vs. her (family's) beliefs. think of it like a psychological struggle between the superego and the id (link).

she probably hasn't gotten her own ideas and beliefs sorted out yet, so she's like a child under the care of daddy but with a woman's desires. essentially... wotta mess. she wants you but she wants to keep daddy happy. in 5 years if she breaks free of papa's clutches she'll be a firecracker, but for now you are in a struggle that you can't win because he's got 21 years of influence and you've had... a month.

even if she did have sex with you, 5 minutes later when she realized what she did she'd likely regret it. and that is not a good situation for you to be in. my best advice is for you to walk away.