How did you overcome the 'Creep Factor'?

Page 1 of 3 [ 33 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

Sirius
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 16 Apr 2010
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 63
Location: Fresno, CA

04 Dec 2011, 3:21 pm

I want to start finally dating but one of my biggest obstacles is creeping women out, though unintentionally. I have a cold staring problem, which I am aware of and seek to overcome. If you are an Aspie male and have this problem, I would love to read your insight on how you overcame this, if you did.



MacDragard
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 542

04 Dec 2011, 3:30 pm

Most men have creeped out some girl in one way or another even by things that aspies think only they end up doing. You just have to get yourself out there and practice while educating yourself.



CaptainTrips222
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2009
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,100

04 Dec 2011, 3:31 pm

I don't think I ever did overcome the creep factor. I just find people I don't creep out.



simon_says
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jan 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,075

04 Dec 2011, 5:43 pm

Being more proactive about speaking. I was too quiet when I was younger.

It really didnt take much to go from being in the creepy category to being in the sometimes desirable category. if I get the look I can usually turn it just by being more talkative. It's like a warning sign that you're too quiet.



blueroses
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,196
Location: United States

05 Dec 2011, 8:55 am

simon_says wrote:
Being more proactive about speaking. I was too quiet when I was younger.

It really didnt take much to go from being in the creepy category to being in the sometimes desirable category. if I get the look I can usually turn it just by being more talkative. It's like a warning sign that you're too quiet.


I'm not a guy, but just thought I'd add my opinion on this. Being quiet in and of itself isn't creepy, in fact some women are attracted to the 'strong silent type.' In my experience, it's being quiet in combination with doing other things that can be a little unsettling to women. I think not talking or smiling while staring at women is maybe the most easily misunderstood combination and doing that can actually make women feel like they are in danger, so learning to check women out in a subtle way is pretty important if you tend to be quiet.



Grisha
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2009
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,336
Location: LA-ish

05 Dec 2011, 9:55 am

CaptainTrips222 wrote:
I don't think I ever did overcome the creep factor. I just find people I don't creep out.


^This^



Trigas
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jul 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,143

05 Dec 2011, 7:08 pm

Well I was notorious for being a creeper a few years ago due to my quiet and isolated nature. I found the best remedy for me was to eventually work up the courage to talk to my peers and interact with them whenever I felt comfortable. I read quite a few books and guides to help me figure out some of the more settle body language cues. Hope you find what works for you and good luck!



tronist
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 Oct 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 309

05 Dec 2011, 8:03 pm

Sirius wrote:
I want to start finally dating but one of my biggest obstacles is creeping women out, though unintentionally. I have a cold staring problem, which I am aware of and seek to overcome. If you are an Aspie male and have this problem, I would love to read your insight on how you overcame this, if you did.
a lot of the 'creep factor' comes in the WAY you 'stare', and the duration. if you glare at her like 'OMG IF YOU DONT LOVE ME I'LL KILL YOU' or something ridiculous like that, she'll immediately feel negative when you do it. if you look at her like 'hey this girl is attractive, and maybe she'll fit MY criteria', whilst giving her a smile (work on your smile, and facial expressions in a mirror), you'll have much better results.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,552
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

05 Dec 2011, 8:11 pm

I have a very rare sever low vision disorder. Telling people I'm borderline legally blind helps me overcome the creep factor


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


mds_02
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Sep 2011
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,077
Location: Los Angeles

05 Dec 2011, 9:44 pm

tronist wrote:
a lot of the 'creep factor' comes in the WAY you 'stare', and the duration. if you glare at her like 'OMG IF YOU DONT LOVE ME I'LL KILL YOU' or something ridiculous like that, she'll immediately feel negative when you do it. if you look at her like 'hey this girl is attractive, and maybe she'll fit MY criteria', whilst giving her a smile (work on your smile, and facial expressions in a mirror), you'll have much better results.


Yes, this. I've found that working on my facial expressions, giving a pleasant smile, has made the difference between creeping girls out, and flattering them when they catch me checking them out.


_________________
If life's not beautiful without the pain, 
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again. 
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer. 
And it feels pretty soft to me. 

Modest Mouse - The View


bruinsy33
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2011
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 446

06 Dec 2011, 1:07 am

I am not sure that making eye contact/staring is such a good idea for people with AS as far as showing romantic interest.Those with AS can be terrible at nonverbal communication.Perhaps a simple ''Hello,how are you ''? would be the best way to get theball rolling.



greg299L
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 4 Dec 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 26

06 Dec 2011, 11:49 am

bruinsy33 wrote:
I am not sure that making eye contact/staring is such a good idea for people with AS as far as showing romantic interest.Those with AS can be terrible at nonverbal communication.Perhaps a simple ''Hello,how are you ''? would be the best way to get theball rolling.
Nah, nothing I have ever said, done, or tried to explain, has ever worked, the successes I had were all a waste of time, as what I ended up with was akin to being in the army (one wasn't an aspie,,, but more insane than any of us could ever be), cant read em, and cant see disaster looming even if everyone else is waiting for it. Maybe some were a bit creeped out, but who cares, its them who are up themselves, as a kid I could never understand why it was ok for a girl to call me something uncalled for just to make me feel bad, but if I retorted with an observation of one of their failings which NT's are well known for,,, no they have all the social skills but how many have you met who are just downright lowlifes (depends where you have lived maybe)mm prone to violence whenever they dont get their own way (thankfully most of them mature and grow up, but many don't, you know them as "inmates",..... maybe some of us have creeped out an NT,,,,,, but I've been creeped out by thousands of them,,, whoever "them" is.......................................... I want an aspie as Aussie Prime Minister one day, then we could really get things done,,, without all the small talk and hot air I'm used to.......... aspie ramblings. esq.



Mxzysptlik
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 14 Feb 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 102

16 Feb 2012, 2:48 pm

Technically I haven't "overcome" the creep factor but I'm working on it. What I did to actually start talking to girls was try internet dating first. There I could email girls whatever weird s**t I thought of and see what works. I gave that up and now I'm into talking to live girls. But I'm still bad at that too. I have this tendency to be overbearing and look for the big picture way too much. I had to figure out that most people go really slowly when talking to girls. Also, ignore them! Don't act like they are the center of your universe, you're the center of the universe. Don't text weird questions, talk about "normal" things or as normal as you can think of. Don't be nervous to strike up a conversation. And don't STARE. I'm a starer so I know that this really creeps them out. Also one thing I did was rely upon a network of people for advice for what and what not to do. They would tell me whether this or that action might make a girl uncomfortable. After all of this advice I still failed to secure a gf but I learned so much and got closer than I've gotten...EVER! Right now I'm going to allow things to die down b/w me and this current chick and see if there is any possible life left in this thing before completely moving on. The key is trial and error!



MR20
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Sep 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 945

17 Feb 2012, 12:02 pm

Mxzysptlik wrote:
Technically I haven't "overcome" the creep factor but I'm working on it. What I did to actually start talking to girls was try internet dating first. There I could email girls whatever weird sh** I thought of and see what works. I gave that up and now I'm into talking to live girls. But I'm still bad at that too. I have this tendency to be overbearing and look for the big picture way too much. I had to figure out that most people go really slowly when talking to girls. Also, ignore them! Don't act like they are the center of your universe, you're the center of the universe. Don't text weird questions, talk about "normal" things or as normal as you can think of. Don't be nervous to strike up a conversation. And don't STARE. I'm a starer so I know that this really creeps them out. Also one thing I did was rely upon a network of people for advice for what and what not to do. They would tell me whether this or that action might make a girl uncomfortable. After all of this advice I still failed to secure a gf but I learned so much and got closer than I've gotten...EVER! Right now I'm going to allow things to die down b/w me and this current chick and see if there is any possible life left in this thing before completely moving on. The key is trial and error!


Kltpzyxm Kltpzyxm



hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

17 Feb 2012, 1:06 pm

^^^ well done!


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105


techstepgenr8tion
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2005
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 24,692
Location: 28th Path of Tzaddi

17 Feb 2012, 1:14 pm

OP: Consider yourself lucky at least that you have distinct issues that you have a plausible roadmap to fixing.

What I've noticed is that the world treats people with wild disparity when it comes to what you look like, how you move, who you visually look like you should be, how you speak, how your body language looks, how your presence 'seems' and two people can do or say identical things get very different reactions.

At least in your case you can work on not staring and there's some diceroll chance that once you solve that or other clearer issues that most of your problems are solved. For other guys who've eliminated all of these obstacles they're in a place where they're truly at the mercy of the collective ape-mind. What could change it for them? They could be creepy until they partially bald in the front, they could be creepy until a broken and healed arm changes the way they walk or how they write; its often remarkably stupid and arbitrary stuff that even once its resolved they couldn't even begin to understand what it was that people were seeing (which they often times don't seem to have enough self-awareness to understand themselves) or what the change exactly was. I have a wild guess as well that a lot of it is chemical or hormonal - that certain chemical or hormonal deficiencies or excess read like a bad book and that something in your internal chemistry can change your peripheral nervous system's expression of your thought process even while nothing else at all changed about you.

Last but not least - I really get the impression that looking young is a problem. If you're, say, 27 and look 20 as a guy, you may be waitng till your 35 or 40 to be attractive because looking 20 you look like a young punk who's not mature enough for a long term relationship while by the time you look 30 you look like you're mature enough to be a dad. In that sense a good portion of your maturity - no matter who you are or what you think like inwardly - is on your skin and your face and quite often that also regulates how mature people will let you be or how much traction or lack thereof that they'll give your internal adulthood or how much they may bolster and try to absorb your immaturity if you have a look about you that they'd rather relate to in a fashion that's above where you're at inwardly.


_________________
The loneliest part of life: it's not just that no one is on your cloud, few can even see your cloud.