How did you overcome the 'Creep Factor'?
Sirius
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 16 Apr 2010
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 63
Location: Fresno, CA
I want to start finally dating but one of my biggest obstacles is creeping women out, though unintentionally. I have a cold staring problem, which I am aware of and seek to overcome. If you are an Aspie male and have this problem, I would love to read your insight on how you overcame this, if you did.
Being more proactive about speaking. I was too quiet when I was younger.
It really didnt take much to go from being in the creepy category to being in the sometimes desirable category. if I get the look I can usually turn it just by being more talkative. It's like a warning sign that you're too quiet.
It really didnt take much to go from being in the creepy category to being in the sometimes desirable category. if I get the look I can usually turn it just by being more talkative. It's like a warning sign that you're too quiet.
I'm not a guy, but just thought I'd add my opinion on this. Being quiet in and of itself isn't creepy, in fact some women are attracted to the 'strong silent type.' In my experience, it's being quiet in combination with doing other things that can be a little unsettling to women. I think not talking or smiling while staring at women is maybe the most easily misunderstood combination and doing that can actually make women feel like they are in danger, so learning to check women out in a subtle way is pretty important if you tend to be quiet.
Well I was notorious for being a creeper a few years ago due to my quiet and isolated nature. I found the best remedy for me was to eventually work up the courage to talk to my peers and interact with them whenever I felt comfortable. I read quite a few books and guides to help me figure out some of the more settle body language cues. Hope you find what works for you and good luck!
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,552
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
I have a very rare sever low vision disorder. Telling people I'm borderline legally blind helps me overcome the creep factor
_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
Yes, this. I've found that working on my facial expressions, giving a pleasant smile, has made the difference between creeping girls out, and flattering them when they catch me checking them out.
_________________
If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse - The View
Technically I haven't "overcome" the creep factor but I'm working on it. What I did to actually start talking to girls was try internet dating first. There I could email girls whatever weird s**t I thought of and see what works. I gave that up and now I'm into talking to live girls. But I'm still bad at that too. I have this tendency to be overbearing and look for the big picture way too much. I had to figure out that most people go really slowly when talking to girls. Also, ignore them! Don't act like they are the center of your universe, you're the center of the universe. Don't text weird questions, talk about "normal" things or as normal as you can think of. Don't be nervous to strike up a conversation. And don't STARE. I'm a starer so I know that this really creeps them out. Also one thing I did was rely upon a network of people for advice for what and what not to do. They would tell me whether this or that action might make a girl uncomfortable. After all of this advice I still failed to secure a gf but I learned so much and got closer than I've gotten...EVER! Right now I'm going to allow things to die down b/w me and this current chick and see if there is any possible life left in this thing before completely moving on. The key is trial and error!
Kltpzyxm Kltpzyxm
^^^ well done!
_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105
techstepgenr8tion
Veteran
Joined: 6 Feb 2005
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 24,692
Location: 28th Path of Tzaddi
OP: Consider yourself lucky at least that you have distinct issues that you have a plausible roadmap to fixing.
What I've noticed is that the world treats people with wild disparity when it comes to what you look like, how you move, who you visually look like you should be, how you speak, how your body language looks, how your presence 'seems' and two people can do or say identical things get very different reactions.
At least in your case you can work on not staring and there's some diceroll chance that once you solve that or other clearer issues that most of your problems are solved. For other guys who've eliminated all of these obstacles they're in a place where they're truly at the mercy of the collective ape-mind. What could change it for them? They could be creepy until they partially bald in the front, they could be creepy until a broken and healed arm changes the way they walk or how they write; its often remarkably stupid and arbitrary stuff that even once its resolved they couldn't even begin to understand what it was that people were seeing (which they often times don't seem to have enough self-awareness to understand themselves) or what the change exactly was. I have a wild guess as well that a lot of it is chemical or hormonal - that certain chemical or hormonal deficiencies or excess read like a bad book and that something in your internal chemistry can change your peripheral nervous system's expression of your thought process even while nothing else at all changed about you.
Last but not least - I really get the impression that looking young is a problem. If you're, say, 27 and look 20 as a guy, you may be waitng till your 35 or 40 to be attractive because looking 20 you look like a young punk who's not mature enough for a long term relationship while by the time you look 30 you look like you're mature enough to be a dad. In that sense a good portion of your maturity - no matter who you are or what you think like inwardly - is on your skin and your face and quite often that also regulates how mature people will let you be or how much traction or lack thereof that they'll give your internal adulthood or how much they may bolster and try to absorb your immaturity if you have a look about you that they'd rather relate to in a fashion that's above where you're at inwardly.
_________________
The loneliest part of life: it's not just that no one is on your cloud, few can even see your cloud.
