Hi
Some background information:
I am 33 years old.
I have never felt that I fit in, its because that I have Asperger's. I like the shooting range of course , and fit well in there, as well as with close friends.
I may be perceived as someone who does not smile very much, because when you always
have felt a little out of place,it is easy to feel a little depressed. It is easy too get that way when someone never has been so very good at read non verbal communication. Of course that has improved a lot over the years, and social mistakes does not happens very often any more. Big mistakes can of course happen.
I can also, in some cases be overstimulated too many people around me, which can be tiresome at times. I may also a timeout and a little time to myself at times to "sort" things.
I do not go out on the town, i dont like that. Loud music and places with too many people.
I dont drink alcohol or use other stuff.
The only medicine i am on is nexium because i do have reflux problems.
I've always been a loner in the sense that I have few friends who
come to visit and call me. No, I am asked out as much either. I have no
problem with standing on the shooting range that is at times a pretty noisy place. ( 140 DBa!)
However, it is much more calm and structured around me there so it's probably why
it goes very well. I do care a lot for my freinds, perhaps more than normal people.
I learn very fast and have a good memory, and a lot of different interests.
They are target shooting, amateur radio,electronics,reading,fishing,museums and car trips
I do not fun to be stigmatized because I have a diagnosis.
There are many who reads the page about Asperger's on wikipedia for example when I
mention that I have Asperger's and think I'm exactly the way it is described there. What is written there is the worst case senario.
There are actually people behind a diagnosis, no one is affected identically.
It is unfortunately very many people in the world who are very concerned about
diagnosis, and unless one has a degree in health sciences or experience with people it can be difficult to understand that people with the same diagnosis can be very different. This has strong correlation with that in all years medicine was about just this, diagnosis, and how to treat it. This makes it so people understand the individual only on the basis of diagnosis. Unfortunately, it takes time before the world in general find that the perspective has changed. When something has been a way for hundreds of years, it takes a long time for people to adapt. So, i dont tell people that i dont trust that i have a diagnosis.
Because I have been treated more or less bad of all the girls I have ever had other than friendly feelings for, and have never had some decent female friend who visited me and actually did stuff together with me,I have become a bit skeptical about girls even though I like them. I have also been bullied by girls because I never have "made it". Sometimes that makes me sad, and i feel that there is something wrong with me. All my friends has had one or more relationships with girls.
I do know some females in real life, one of them has been to the shooting range with me and liked it. She says that she wants to go more, but she has kids and a job. That does not fit in with the opening hours on the indoor range that i go to in the winter season. It is a lot easier in the summer season, because i the use a outdoors range that has better opening hours. I like her as a friend.
The other one is a little different story..
I have more or less known her since i was 18 years old.
Last year she moved back to my town, and she has been with me on a couple of car trips,and some fishing too.
The trouble with her, is that it seems to me that she perhaps likes me a bit more than a friend. The reason for that is she has been sitting on my lap, and had her head on my shoulder on one of the car trips.
That confuses me a bit, because she says that she has only friendly feelings for me.
Last time i and a friend did feel like crap, and was on rock bottom she asked us to come to her place. She did talk a bit with us, and she gave me a loong hug. Perhaps a little longer than necessary.. I really dont know..
Then she mentioned that she thinks about me. It is because of my current situation with illness in the family,the story of my so called love life, and perhaps that i does feel a bit lonely and quite a bit worried about a member of my family. She also mentioned that love is hard for everyone (Sarcasm mode on yeah, right.. She is a lovely blonde with amazing eyes. No problem at all for her to get herself a bit of sausage Sarcasm mode off)
Strangely, she never answers any of my calls or text messages. My calls are directed to voicemail right away. She also comments on my FB pictures, and other stuff i post, but she have closed down her profile to me, is can see that she is on my freid list, and her profile picture, but thats it.. I know that she studies my FB profile a lot. If she is visiting the friend i mentioned, and i am texting him, she uses his phone and asks me to come over. Its about a 100 yards walk, no problem with that.
Then, she is friendly and normal and talkative and typically had a couple of beers.
I perfectly understand that she does not like long trips, because she gets car sick. That too is a bit weird, because one of the last year trips lasted about 4 hours. I know that her ex was a bastard, and she has some issues with men because of that. She is under psychiatric treatment, and is diagnosed with Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. She is on Ritalin (Methylphenidate).
It seems to me that girls can on some deep unconscious level determine if a man is successful with women, and have "scored" many times. Myself, i am a bit unsure around women and sometimes i dont like to be hugged because i associate that with being attracted to a girl, and i associate attraction with: being forgotten and treated like s**t.
I don't like the psychological games that girls often play. Its really hard on me.
For an Aspie, that can be psychic torture.
So, is love and these matters as hard for a aspie as it is for an normal average ?
I have tried several dating forums and pages without any success.
Last edited by shooterNorway on 25 Feb 2012, 8:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.
25 Feb 2012, 6:04 pm
