Does parents sleeping in separate bedrooms = split up?

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Guineapigged
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13 Apr 2012, 4:43 am

Bit of background info ... my parents have lived together all my life (I'm 20 now) but have never been married. I know that they don't really love each other any more because when I was little they used to kiss and cuddle, but they never do that now.
Just now they asked me to come and sit down with them and said that they were going to be sleeping in separate bedrooms from now on, so could I move my storage boxes from the spare room.
Does that mean they are "split up"? They way they asked me to come and sit down implied they had important news, but asking me to move some boxes isn't exactly big news. :?



spongy
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13 Apr 2012, 6:08 am

It could mean that they split up.

That being said some friends of my parents live on separate bedrooms because apparently she cant sleep next to him because he snores too loudly.

In this scenario is probably split up. Hope there arent many changes on how the act around you do to this.



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13 Apr 2012, 6:51 am

How old are they? I knew older couples growing up who eventually had separate bedrooms.



Guineapigged
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13 Apr 2012, 7:20 am

I just asked my Mum outright if they were split up, and she said not exactly. She said they feel they can live in the same house but don't want to sleep together anymore. So I think they're more housemates than a couple now, but it's not exactly a surprise because as I said, they haven't really been a couple for many years now.



League_Girl
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13 Apr 2012, 11:42 am

My husband and I don't even literally sleep together because he snores and I move around in bed and it keeps him up. He will wake up when I hit him with my feet. Last night I tried to sleep with him but he kicked me out because he wanted to sleep good. We both need separate beds for the same bedroom.



hyperlexian
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13 Apr 2012, 12:05 pm

Guineapigged, this is a lot like me and my former husband. we did a slow and friendly separation that started with sleeping in separate rooms. we were not ready to be completely split at first, at least until our our daughter is 18 years old. we still share a home and stuff, but we are like roommates.

how do you feel about what is going on, guineapigged?


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diniesaur
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13 Apr 2012, 4:22 pm

It doesn't always mean they're split up. It depends on the other factors. I think the others have given you a good idea about your situation.

All four of my married parents (the fifth one is divorced) sleep in separate bedrooms. My dad and stepmom can't sleep together because my stepmom moves around too much and likes to watch TV in the middle of the night, but my dad is a light sleeper and needs more sleep than most people. My mom and stepdad can't sleep together because my stepdad apparently snores and kicks my mom too much, and also there's not enough room in the one bed for them and my little brother (who needs to start sleeping in his own bed). But they still kiss each other and say they love each other and do things together, and they say they're not split up, so they're not. It's just a practical solution that makes it easier for them to sleep.

Your parents seem different since you said they don't kiss and cuddle anymore, and you said they don't seem like a couple anymore.

If you're worried about your parents not loving each other, I've been there. It makes me sad sometimes that my parents can't all live in one big house with my brother and my pets and me, but I also have had good experiences that I wouldn't have had if my mom and dad had stayed together. I barely even remember what it was like when they were together because I was so little when they split up, though. Maybe it will be different for people who are used to their parents being together. I hope you don't have a hard time and I hope they don't fight too much.



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14 Apr 2012, 3:07 pm

This sounds like my situation. My husband and I have never really been in love with each other and the relationship has detiorated over the past 17 years to the point that since July we have slept in seperate rooms. We will be getting either separted or divorced this year but ultimately divorce is my final destination.

I'm proud of you for asking your mom about it. You deserve the truth. I don't know if her answer was worded as such so that your feelings were spared. I have a 13 year old and the disharmony in the household has taken it's toll on him. He's got to know that when mom and Dad suddenly stop sleeping with each other something is wrong. So I was thinking your mom might be worried about how you are going to handle this and not want to let you in on the enormity of the situation.



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15 Apr 2012, 12:09 am

curlyfry wrote:
How old are they? I knew older couples growing up who eventually had separate bedrooms.

My grandparents got separate bedroom after all the kids wre grown & moved out & they are still married


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IlovemyAspie
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15 Apr 2012, 12:23 am

I know a lot of older people who sleep in separate rooms and think nothing of it. As mentioned in this thread there are several reasons and not all of them equal separation. However since your mom said "not exactly" that makes me lean toward that conclusion. That means not "yes" but not "no" either. It would be easy to say not to worry. But just keep in mind this is something they have to work out. They both love you, they just may not love each other. My sister said when our parents divorced it was a happy time because they no longer had to deal with all the fighting and distress that was going on. I hope as diniesaur says they don't fight much. They may be able to coexist peacefully for a very long time.



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15 Apr 2012, 5:21 am

Doesn't necessarily mean anything. My wife and I have slept in separate rooms for years. I make these awful groaning noises and grind my teeth in my sleep, and her legs flail all over the place in her sleep. On the odd occasion we fall asleep together in the same bed or on the couch, but usually not.



Taybot97
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15 Apr 2012, 10:38 am

I'm my expiernce there can be nothing leading up to it. One day your living happily in England the next your informed your moving back to America because divorce in England would be too expensive. To be fair we couldn't afford two houses there so I understand the moving part but no matter how many times I asked could never understand why. So I gave up, atleast I never blamed myself