Lack of Physical Attraction?

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Browncoat
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01 Feb 2015, 12:58 pm

So I don't understand attraction based on appearance. I understand that it exists and that most people somehow judge others as more or less appealing. But I don't have that capacity. In terms of appearance, I can judge a person on general health, probable fitness, combat threat, and sometimes some personality traits. But nobody (male or female) strikes me as aesthetically appealing or unappealing. It's like the part of the brain that handles that is just missing.
Here's what I'm wondering, is anybody else like this? Since I'm guessing there's a neurological component to this aspect of myself I thought I'd check this site for any others who feel this way.

To make sure it's clear, I'm talking just about judging appearance here. I can still find people appealing or unappealing based on personality.


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nick007
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01 Feb 2015, 8:20 pm

I don't get physical attraction either; I'm attracted after I've gotten to the the person. But I have a rare low vision disorder in addition to Aspergers.


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goldfish21
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02 Feb 2015, 3:40 am

Does that mean you also don't feel any sexual attraction towards others? Or that your sexual attraction to others is based on their personalities and other criteria instead of aesthetic appeal?

edit: Just for the record, the part of my brain that makes others physically appealing to me works just fine.


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darkphantomx1
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02 Feb 2015, 10:04 am

Well I can assure you most people arnet like this. Most people, especially men are going to see you as a potential dating partner primarily on looks. Personality and compatibility also matters but looks definitely matter. This is especially the case if you're younger than 40.

Not saying what you have is bad. In fact, it can be a good thing. Seeing the beauty in people who arnet hawt physically may give you an advantage in long-term relationships. Because lets just say ur married to this hot chick but with conflicting views and personalities. Good luck buddy. But if you date a girl who looks like a 2 but is a 10 inside, the relationship will probably last longer if you're not big into looks.



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02 Feb 2015, 10:08 am

For men, our first impressions of a woman are usually based on how she looks, then whether or not she is approachable, and finally whether or not she remains interested in us.

That last one is important, because if a man wants to retain the interest of a woman, he must first be interesting to that woman. Lack of interest leads to contempt, which eventually results in departure.


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02 Feb 2015, 10:17 am

I don't get attracted to people based on looks either. Like, I might notice someone is cute or pretty, but that doesn't mean they're going to be one of my crushes. (And when I say "crushes", I mean long-term, intense obsessions.)

When I have crushes on people, it's because they have something different from the norm. Like, if they're smarter or nicer or more sensitive than everyone else, or have some other interesting quality. I don't always get crushes on people who have these qualities, though. It's hard to explain how my obsessions start--I don't fully understand it myself.



darkphantomx1
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02 Feb 2015, 10:27 am

An attractive girl with an even more attractive personality is something most guys try to aim for.



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02 Feb 2015, 3:36 pm

Fnord wrote:
and finally whether or not she remains interested in us.


For most of my college career, that was the number 1 thing for me. It seemed that most women weren't interested in me, and I had/have low self esteem and a low self image, so if anyone was interested in me I had to go with it because I figured it was my last chance. Not a very good way to treat people, I know, but that is how I was.