Pros and cons of marriage

Post Reply New Topic

It seems to me that the pros and cons of marriage when one or both partners are on the spectrum are quite different from the NT world. I would be very curious to know what ASD-specific pros and cons should be taken into account.
The emotional appeal of marriage seems to be less for those of us on the spectrum, while some of the practical considerations are greater. Not to sound insensitive, but having a spouse seems to be very useful. It also seems to be a (mostly) reliable and dependable alliance. However, the sacrifice of independence, and the need to adapt to someone else's hygiene habits, etc, are a bit unnerving, but I imagine they would be for an NT as well (to a lesser extent?). Those are just some of the thoughts about this that have been floating around in my head recently.
How would you boil it down to pros and cons?

for me its the emotional stuff. the practical stuff would seem to be more a con.

There are also all sorts of social issues attached. Even in cultures which don't do arranged (or forced) marriages.
As well as typically a huge amout of sexist bagage. (Assuming you are heterosexual.) Along with complex legal implications.
How aware or accepting of these things someone might be could well depend if they are NT or not.

For me, it's the possibility of financial security. Then again, I am kind of a gold digger, so you really can't take too much stock in that.

Marriage as it applies in first world countries and that aren't arranged:

Pros
Financial – taxes, insurance, retirement, earn more money (theory/propaganda)
Stable – you have a partner you can predict and depend on, always have a date to functions, support during trouble, ect.
And, assuming you want children:
Legitimate children – recognized by family with “traditional values” and most religions
Happier children? – the propaganda states they do better in school, plus they don't have to put up with the social stigma of their parents not being married, or the hardships of divorce/an absent parent.

Cons
Divorce – splitting up is harder, and more legal, when married
Name – usually one of the pair changes their last name.
Living Together – Putting up with other people can be hard. Especially when they're slobs or complainers. Not exclusive to marriage.
Compromise – you can't do everything the way you want, you have to negotiate, you have to communicate. Not exclusive to marriage.

I'm sure the pros and cons vary by culture, by religion, and by region, but this is the pros and cons of marriage that I've seen where I live in the USA. I'm not sure about the emotional appeal of marriage, but I can see why it would be practical, especially if you are planning to start a family.

this particular aspie enjoys some pros of marriage:

always having someone to talk to
splitting the chores
splitting the bills
having someone to run replies to social situations by, preventing me from getting in trouble
before i went thru menopause and lost my drive, it was nice having an intimate partner
having someone to snuggle with and hold hands with

Those are pros of a commited relationship, not marriage.

In my country I see no pros to getting married. De facto relationships are recognised by the government as the same as marriages. There's no significant stigma attached to not being married these days.

Plenty of cons though. I won't go into them cos I'll just sound like a grouch

As for the emotional side in general, I see no difference between a marriage and a de facto relationship. Putting a ring on it wouldn't (and shouldn't!) change how I feel about my partner, how committed I am, etc etc.