Do "normal" women date men with Autism?

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hvtitan08
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23 Jun 2012, 3:03 pm

All my adult life, I've been going from dating site to dating site - from InterracialDatingCentral.com to ChristianDatingForFree.com - and, as truthful as possible, I put in my dating profile that I have 5 disabilities, from Autism to Dyscalculia, and every time I talk with a woman and I start to feel affection for her, I ask her would she like to be in a relationship with me, she turns me down. I don't know if she's turning me down because of my autisticness, or if it's something I'm saying or doing.
I remember when I was in 1st grade, way before I was diagnosed with AS, I kissed a girl on the cheek, and that very same day - after the sun went down - at about 6:54pm, she called me and told me that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Then, in second grade, she had dumped me because I had parted from her and went to another elementary school. I feel sad and heartbroken.


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23 Jun 2012, 4:01 pm

-If your disability (the one with the social awkwardness) is mild, you might want to not put it in dating profile. What's the point anyway

-The women turned you down because a). You aksed her out too soon b) you seem desperate or c) they just don't plain like you as more than a friend.

-Most normal women don't know what autism is and probably thinks ASD = Mental retardation.

C'MON try being in the Asperger's closet. :) I perform better in it than when I come out. People still think i'm weird but it's better if they don't know :twisted:


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23 Jun 2012, 4:07 pm

My disability is mild to moderate and I would say it hasn't really made me any less appealing to what you deem to be normal women. Gone out with a fair few. Going on dates, sleeping with women tends to be fine but long term cracks appear. Just don't mention it until after the dating period once they start questioning some of your behaviour.



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23 Jun 2012, 4:15 pm

You might try waiting until they've met you a few times before you tell them. I don't mean being dishonest, it's probably not a good idea to enter a relationship before you've told them. But let them get to know the real-life you for a bit before you tell them the rest, that way their opinion of you is not based on misconceptions of your disabilities.

There'll still be some out there who won't be willing to date you because of it, but I think you'll have more chance of success that way.


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redrobin62
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23 Jun 2012, 8:36 pm

I might be wrong, but when you mention the word autism to the general public, they might have a mental image of Rain Man, Adam, & Forrest Gump. What NorthPark wrote is right. They may liken it to mental retardation.



BrenJB
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23 Jun 2012, 10:30 pm

I am a "normal" girl dating an Aspie for almost 7 months now. He didn't know he was an aspie until he lost his job and his mom let it slip. I had noticed a few odd things...such as not getting sarcasm...but I knew he wasn't stupid. So when we found out I researched it and all of a sudden things clicked and it was almost then a relief knowing. In a weird way he is so good for me.

I would not mention it and go on a couple dates first and then if things are going well tell her along with an explanation of what it is and what your issues with it are. Chances are it will be just fine. :)

Good luck! :)



AScomposer13413
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23 Jun 2012, 10:49 pm

Hm...what is this concept of a "normal" woman, you speak of??



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24 Jun 2012, 12:34 am

AScomposer13413 wrote:
Hm...what is this concept of a "normal" woman, you speak of??


exactly.....it is almost offensive to say such a thing


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Adam82
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24 Jun 2012, 1:42 am

Neurotypical women have never been interested in dating me, although I have tried to ask a few out occasionally. To no avail. For that matter, no Aspie ones either. Though I'm not sure if I've ever met an Aspie girl in real life.



Wolfheart
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24 Jun 2012, 1:57 am

I think the thread creator is using the word normal to express meeting certain social standards or expectations.

However when it comes to every culture or interacting in general, there are a set of social skills and social rules that are deemed normal or expected and I think that's what the thread creator is referring to.



AScomposer13413
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24 Jun 2012, 9:12 am

Wolfheart wrote:
I think the thread creator is using the word normal to express meeting certain social standards or expectations.

However when it comes to every culture or interacting in general, there are a set of social skills and social rules that are deemed normal or expected and I think that's what the thread creator is referring to.


It's one thing to use the word to refer to a set of social rules expected to be followed. It's another to deem someone "normal" because they follow said expectations.



BrenJB
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24 Jun 2012, 9:18 am

I assumed "normal" meant NT as he as AS.



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24 Jun 2012, 9:44 am

BrenJB wrote:
I assumed "normal" meant NT as he as AS.


True enough. Now to avoid derailing the thread and answering your question OP, I pretty much agree with NorthPark, but would extend it to include the other disabilities. You want to highlight your strengths on a dating profile, so unless there's a positive trait that comes with each (there could be a few for AS), it's not worth mentioning. Also, even with the mentioning of the differences (I'm looking at AS in particular because I don't know the others), some people will still expect you to follow the social conventions, so unless you coming out with it motivates the person to do research, you're running a risk of losing the other person if you come out with it too fast. My advice is the same as JanuaryMan's - wait until after you've established a connection before you tell them.



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24 Jun 2012, 10:50 am

Yeah I wouldn't say anything until they start questioning you.
Saying it at the start will make them think "I don't want a relationship where I am doing all the work." because they want something that is easy to deal with.
May seem cruel but that is truthfully how people are so picky. If they don't have to deal with anything, they take the easy road.


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24 Jun 2012, 10:53 am

hvtitan08 wrote:
All my adult life, I've been going from dating site to dating site - from InterracialDatingCentral.com to ChristianDatingForFree.com - and, as truthful as possible, I put in my dating profile that I have 5 disabilities, from Autism to Dyscalculia, and every time I talk with a woman and I start to feel affection for her, I ask her would she like to be in a relationship with me, she turns me down. I don't know if she's turning me down because of my autisticness, or if it's something I'm saying or doing.
I remember when I was in 1st grade, way before I was diagnosed with AS, I kissed a girl on the cheek, and that very same day - after the sun went down - at about 6:54pm, she called me and told me that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Then, in second grade, she had dumped me because I had parted from her and went to another elementary school. I feel sad and heartbroken.


Why Nancy Ajram is on your facebook's cover photo??

Why all your previous covers are photos of Lebanese pop singers? (well, except one Egyptian) O_O

Are you Lebanese? O_O



ooo
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25 Jun 2012, 7:36 am

NorthPark wrote:
-If your disability (the one with the social awkwardness) is mild, you might want to not put it in dating profile. What's the point anyway

-The women turned you down because a). You aksed her out too soon b) you seem desperate or c) they just don't plain like you as more than a friend.


+ 1

It's a dating site, not a medical record. Unless it's super obvious, don't list disabilities and health issues on dating sites. Do you see people on dating sites say "well, I'm a diabetic... and also have a thyroid problem?" No? No.

And, it does sound like you asked them too soon or something. Why not ask someone on dates, spend time together, and let the relationship develop naturally?