What do you do when in a situation like this?

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Joe90
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24 Jul 2012, 4:22 pm

To cut a long story short, a guy asked me out on the bus and I have never seen him before. He seemed genuine and everything, but now I'm not so sure. The second time he saw me on the bus, he gave me his mobile phone number, and I thought I'd give him mine, and he told me a bit about himself and said he was 22 (the same age as me) and told me his name and said what town he lived in (which was obvious because he got off the bus there in afternoons). When he texted me he kept on saying how much he loved me and everything, then I added him on Facebook. But on his Facebook it said that his birth date was 1984, which means he must be about 28, and when I asked he came out with a long story what I thought was quite strange, and his name was also different to what he told me and he said that that was his nickname, which I thought fair enough, but it has still made me a bit distrustful of him. Then he suddenly said he lives somewhere else to what he said to me, with some room mates who (he said) are causing trouble somehow for him and he hates it or something. He must have told the truth about where he works because he said it's at an Indian restaurant and each time I've seen him he does smell of Indian food, quite bad. But otherwise, I'm not quite sure I should get too involved with him - because you really don't know who people are these days. I often hear on the news that people seemed really honest and sweet then when they meet up they end up murdering or something else horrifying. I mean, all what he is saying might be genuine, perhaps his life isn't in order like most people's are, I don't know, but I don't know that it's not either.

So I wrote a polite message to him on Facebook, because for the last few days I've been ignoring him and he keeps on asking why, so I thought he might understand if I write a polite message to him explaining how I feel and that I must be strong, but at the same time I feel guilty because if he is a nice, genuine person then I might have hurt his feelings or something. I really hate being in this situation, but I don't really want to block him. I just hope he understands, but I suppose I have got nothing to lose because I didn't know him to begin with so it won't be like losing a friend or anything. I haven't told my parents about it because I'm not sure how to tell them, although they should know really although I'm 22 I still think they should know because I have Asperger's and sometimes need support when feeling anxious about someone I don't know, for my safety and for their peace of mind. Just because I'm grown-up doesn't mean I have to deal with all my problems all by myself.

Am I doing the right thing here by being honest with him in a polite way, rather than just ignoring him? I don't really like being honest with people but sometimes it's for the best, for their sake too.


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PastFixations
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24 Jul 2012, 5:20 pm

Hmmm... if someone ain't truthful at the start, I would assume it's not a good sign.
I think you should try to be assertive and lose your rag with someone now and again. From a perspective it seems that you would rather take what people say and worry over it instead of being confrontational and starting a row.
Sometimes I believe you see people as nice when they're not. They may not be murderers but I do think you could be "taken in" by the wrong kind of people.


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24 Jul 2012, 5:29 pm

Run, while you still can.