I guess for some backstory, there was a girl in my life, we were friends. How I felt about her, well I guess it was love, maybe it was infatuation, I have no idea, but it is in my mind the closest I've felt with "love" towards a girl in my life. However, I didn't pursue her as in my mind, I was going through lots of problems in my life, and I didn't want to make them her problems. Also, she did have a boyfriend during this time. So I never told her how I felt, until she married her boyfriend, and then it was like the jig was up, and I told her I couldn't go to the wedding because of my unresolved feelings. I did learn a lot through that whole experience, I learned that sometimes "logic" is wrong, and not only did I hurt my feelings by what I did, but I may have even hurt hers, from what my friends told me.
It's been about a year now since that all, and now I don't know what to really...do. I don't feel like I'll meet a girl I felt that way about again. I have friends that when their girlfriend dumps them, they find another girlfriend like 2 weeks later, and I just genuinely do not understand such a thought process. It seems it's less about how they feel toward the other person, and more just that they need another person around them for whatever reason.
The question is, should I just pursue a relationship with, you know, anyone? Maybe part of it is I'm picky, I guess. It seems like, being in a relationship is default for normal people, and they favor being in one over not being in one. It seems almost part of the "checklist" of college, job, marriage, kids, your level of those things seems equivalent to most people with your success in life.
Is it better just to "settle" and just find some random person of the opposite sex and have a relationship, seemingly just because? Is life better under the yoke of a relationship like that? I know in both my parents' case, they seemed to just get married out "oh well screw it" my mother even told me she just wanted to have kids and that's why she married my father. It seems such idealism of "true love" just gets overridden by biology.
In my case, I'm not without my problems with the opposite sex, and I can come off "creepy" at times, but I don't seem to be in a bad position all things considered. I look decent, am fairly outgoing, and I've gotten complimented and even asked out (though I was oblivious to what she meant at the time.) If I was up to it, I bet I could go to a bar or club tonight and "hook up" with a girl no problem. Besides religious issues of no sex before marriage (which again, idealism, even in the comparatively Puritanical 1950s, something like 95% of people had sex before marriage.) I don't seee how such things would really be fulfilling, but.....everyone else does it?
I don't really know the point of this thread. Basically, what I'm asking is, is it better to just be in a relationship, even without much feelings of "love" toward the other person (at least initially) or just not be in one at all?
I'm kinda reminded of the song "Diggin'" from the Cowboy Bebop movie (which I can't link to because I'm on a phone because lightning killed my PC monitor.) There's a line in it, "Could it be that I'm just bored and lonely, Could it be that I'm just dumb and horny?" And my friend said that describes how most relationships happen, and it seems true. So next time I'm those things, is it better to be in a relationship, or should I wait for "love" to come again, however long it'll take?
Thanks for any input.
23 Jul 2012, 7:08 pm
