somebody help me understand..please!

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confused1205
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08 Aug 2012, 12:52 am

I know that my boyfriend ha AS, add he has told me. I am just so confused my boyfriend or at least I hope he is still my boyfriend. Had a pretty disappointing event happen to him. He was upset to the point of not knowing why I would want to be with him and that he felt like a failure. He at one point wanted to hurt himself. I tried to be therefor him as best as I could living in a diffrent town. our communication started to slow down which was understandable. Than last week he stopped texting I noted my concern and he did respond that he still loved me and I had not lost him. the next day he debt me a text saying good morning my best friend. I have not had any contact from him in a week. I have texted him pretty much daily than 2 days I decided not to text him and yesterday and today I sent him little texts. Still nothing. I just don't know how to handle this situation I want to be here for him when he gets out of this funk, but it's hard to know if he will ever come back around to me, I love him and miss him so much. I just wish I knew for a fact that everything will go back to normal after awhile, or if he doesn't want me anymore? Please help...



Wolfheart
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08 Aug 2012, 5:32 am

Sometimes people on the spectrum just need time to themselves, the worst thing you can do is act needy and bother him more. Just let him come around on his own, guys on the spectrum like me prefer women that are independent and don't need reassurance every five minutes.



the_beautiful_mess
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08 Aug 2012, 8:14 am

I don't know your boyfriend, but I would say that as a rule, when it comes to Aspies, reliability is not always our strongest area. I think it's to do with unintentional self-obsession... we quite often get wrapped up in our own thoughts and problems for periods of time, but do tend to 'snap out of it' in the end.

I can expand this a bit, so if you find that up there helpful then PM me anytime. =]


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AScomposer13413
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08 Aug 2012, 8:20 am

Wolfheart wrote:
Sometimes people on the spectrum just need time to themselves, the worst thing you can do is act needy and bother him more. Just let him come around on his own, guys on the spectrum like me prefer women that are independent and don't need reassurance every five minutes.


+1


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confused1205
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08 Aug 2012, 8:56 am

I can understand that completely, im not trying to come across as needy. so should I just stop contacting him till I receive contact from him?



AScomposer13413
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08 Aug 2012, 9:05 am

confused1205 wrote:
I can understand that completely, im not trying to come across as needy. so should I just stop contacting him till I receive contact from him?


Maybe send one short message telling him you'll still be there to talk after this period of time, but for the most part, do not contact him.


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Solvejg
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08 Aug 2012, 9:16 am

In my as/as relationship. when my partner has retreated, i let him know once a day that yes i am thinking of him, i hope he is well and then say i hope to hear from you when you are up to it. It makes him not feel like i am abondoning him but there is zero pressure too. Some aspies get very upset when they feel abondoned. :)

Or if you want to take the real aspie route, when he comes around exactly what he needs from you in this situation so you don't have to second guess each other. :)



confused1205
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08 Aug 2012, 9:35 am

Thank you solvejg, I feel like that might be the best thing for me to do so I can reassure him that I am still here for him. I just at this point that is all I want him to know. I have already sent him long paragraphs last week on my feelings, I realize after reading up on as that prob was not smart of me. I really hope I didn't push him away for good. I am really trying hard to take my feelings out of it, and not feel like im being strung along. He is worth waiting for, it just is hard for me because this is the first time he has withdrawn from me. We have never even fought before.