Im new and a NT dating an Aspie

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Hi!

My name is Angee. I am pretty sure my boyfriend has Aspergers. He hasnt told me much but he may have even had a suspected diagnosis as a child. He's VERY intelligent. Hes told me that hes a member of mensa. He makes little noises when he does things. He doesnt like to wear clothes and does very bad in social situations and thats just to name a few.

I adore him and he does excellent with me. He challenges my mind, ( I also have a decently high I.Q) and we just seem to click. We dont really even fight. But the thing is I dont know how to handle conflict as it arises. How do I communicate? Do I correct him on social cues? DO I not. How to talk to him, everything. I may sound stupid but I have never had to deal with this.

Thanks

Angee

Be very literal, don't talk in metaphors or use figures of speech unless you are sure he understands them.

Correct him if he does something rude- he may well not have realised he was rude- but learn what is just "him" (for example, not making eye contact) and learn to live with these things.

I bet you have an old friend that is an aspie that could help you understand how they think and work and give you some advice on how to communicate with an aspie in a way they understand, if you wanted to him to...

tcass: I disagree with that statement... there are as many ways to communicate with aspies as there are aspies... That is one of the issues with the autistic spectrum... every one is different.

Depending on his emotional development, he may not be open to the thought of being corrected... He may not care... Many Aspies feel that there is nothing wrong with any of their behavior as "This is the way we were made."

If he is diagnosed, and has not brought it up to you, chances are he is worried that you will bolt when you learn of it, or worse that you will treat him differently. Until he tells you, I recommend letting all of this lie quietly. If he is, but not diagnosed or is not aspie at all... a confrontation over a condition like this could lead to bruised feelings... or worse.

While that is true, we are all different and varying levels of social skill, there are some things that are pretty universal among us or we wouldnt all be classified as aspies, and since im pretty sure I know this poster and have for almost 17 years, I think I could probably help her out since i am somewhat familiar with her and how she communicates as well as being familiar with aspies as I am one myself which i dont think she knew i was...but i agree, some of us believe that we are the way we are and there is nothing wrong with that and would be offended by being corrected, others want to conform to what NTs think is normal, and would appreciate being told how to act or whatever, I know when it comes to me I like blunt and straight forward, I have no ability to read between the lines as the say, for example if someone likes me I dont have a clue how to figure that out unless they come right out and say it, or if i did something screwed up at a social function, Id have no clue unless someone brought it to my attention, but im sure some guys dont like that...but i am with you on the point of dont bring it up, if he knows and wants you to know he will tell you, if not then dont bring it up and just learn as much as you can from wherever you can and try incorpotating it into the relationship.

Hi tom! You found me! lols

Im not sure about the whole picture yet because I waiting for him to tell me all of it but I do know it was a struggle in childhood. Thats all he would say. Hes kinda silly if hes afraid hes gonna lose me but I can understand why but hes been around through my mental illness, so he should know I would be just as accepting of him. I think thats why we click so much.

I talked to him a little about getting a firm diagnosis because he does supsect it but he doesnt feel the need as an adult to get a diagnosis. I have let it alone at that.

I am just very grateful that my patience has grown immensely. I was in charge of a child over a child who had aspie/ADHD/OCD and ODD and he present a ton of challenges that tried my patience daily.

My mother also had a good suggestion for social situations which I have found that works. I take him off by myself when hes getting a little hyped up and we go for a walk or something and come back. That seems to ground him.

other than that, I think the biggest issue we face is the always on a tagent thing and with fight you to the death to prove hes right. I hope you guys understand what Im talking about.

Unless it really implicates a social situation, I let his quirks be just that, his quirks. Hes one of the kindest I have met though. My mom has a terminal illness and I was crying my eyes out about it last night and he just sat there rubbing my back. Yes any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

Jeez, whats wrong with your mom?..I didnt know she was even sick?

As for fighting to the death to prove hes right, I cant speak for him, but I know for me in my head things are black and white..either its right or its wrong, with very little room for discussion, I dont know if its an aspie trait for all of us or not, but once I make up my mind aount something, and I know Im right..its almost impossible to sway me from that position unless its a very very good argument..and you know me, Ill argue to the death as well to prove im right..all I can say is for me and maybe him as well is that I dont come to my opinions lightly, there is a lot of thought and research involved in forming those opinions and when I think Im right, I wont back down. Which is something about you I have learned over the years as well..lol.. I have been trying to learn how to let others have an opinion different than mine without automatically thinking they are wrong, but it doesnt come easy, I think the main thing I would say is that sometimes its easier and more productive to just agree to disagree and not talk about it if it causes problems, But Im learning that it is difficult to do for most NT people, as they seem to want to always have some kind of satisfying resolution to problems..as for social situations I think the walk idea is great, unless it is a group of very close friends, social gatherings can be very overwhelming and cause an aspie to meltdown, a break from it every now and then is probably a good idea, I tend to stay away from social events because I just dont like to be social with people I dont know, I hate the way people look at me, and talk to me, my brain goes into overdrive and I talk to much and ramble and get loud and that just makes it even more uncomfortable..anyway If you have specific situations youd like some input on feel free to ask me here, or FB message me or something.

actually Im the one who says lets not talk about it and he continues and Im like OMG STFU please lols.