Am I picky? If so, what should I do to fix it.

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Hello everyone. I am trying to figure out why I am single. So I am trying to figure out if either I have very picky standards or if I'm just not meeting anyone.

-I don't care if she has AS or not. However, I figure if I started dating I would need to tell her anyways. Therefore, rather than some spoiled party princess, I would like to find some girl that was empathetic and fun to hang around with.
-No kids, ideally in college. I'm 20, and would like to find someone approximately my age, give or take 2 years (I could theoretically go 4 either way, but I wouldn't prefer dating in the 16-24 range).
-Within bus distance of me. I don't have a car, meaning a distance relationship would be difficult.
-The next part I feel is perhaps the most restricting. Ideally, I'd like to date a gamer/nerd/cosplayer. The problem is, there aren't that many around. It's not that I am being picky but I figure I can relate better to them.
-I don't think it's shallow to ask for someone kinda cute either...

I've never really run into any such girl in high school. At best, I've run into 3 in college, and they've all been already taken. There were two girls I wasn't interested in, and I knew them through the one girl I've constantly been mentioning.

My question is, are my standards too high? Is it too unreasonable to find a girl within distance of my college campus? Should I just look for an artsy type and try to "convert" her to geekdom? Where would I look to find a girl?

I wish I was less picky, too. Dunno what to do about it. So I second the main idea of this.

You're not "picky" you're just living on the WrongPlanet.

Har har.

Ok seriously, you are living on the wrong planet. If the world weren't filled with NT's do you really think this would be a problem? NT's are telling you you're picky for the same reason they tell me I'm gay: they have no other context to understand it.

The thing is I don't specifically care whether I date someone with AS or not. What I care more about is finding a loving emotionally supportive partner that can help me with my shortcomings.

This is perhaps why I really haven't had any luck. A lot of girls I know can be really stuck-up.

Your criteria don't sound too picky, but I do agree with you that the thing about the gamer/nerd/cosplayer may be the most restrictive criterion you've got there. Try it out with your criteria, and if things don't work out, it would probably be a good idea to relax the gamer/nerd/cosplayer restriction a bit. It's very possible that you could find somebody you could relate to, who didn't do those things (you should be able to find a lot of nerds in college though). Besides, somebody who is a bit different from you also has the opportunity to teach you something, or show you a side of life that you haven't seen before. And similarly, you can teach and show her some stuff too, and that sharing of experiences is a very exciting thing in itself!

That's a really great thing to care about. If you are frustrated now as an undergrad, try not to worry too much about it. Yeah it's very likely that many of the girls wouldn't be able to handle a mature emotional relationship like the kind you want anyway. But as you get older, the more mature women will be looking more for that loving, emotionally supportive relationship. They'll oftentimes also be more permissive of shortcomings, since they're old enough to know how imperfect people are. This applies especially to appearance!

I'm not a gamer or any kind of tech geek but I don't see that as being picky. In fact, if you are into that, it's probably a lot more realistic to find another girl that's just as into it. Do you have a place like an internet cafe or gamer "place"? Some cities have places like that with coffee/drinks that are for serious gaming and socializing.
Try clubs too. And don't think that artsy types aren't already geeks in their own rights.
I met my serious guys in coffee shops, usually because I was reading books they were also into. Books are great ice breakers if you can lift your head out of it long enough to look around and smile at the ladies.

Other kinds of ice breakers are too risky and waste time.

Being picky means you have standards. In all honesty, you shouldn't have to dumb down your standards--what you're looking for exists, it's all a matter of having patience and looking in the right place.

What he said. There's nothing wrong with being picky. You know what you want and you know what you want to avoid. There's plenty of fish in the sea and more than enough of those fish who'd fit into what you're looking for.

The problem I had was so far of all the many girls I've met, I've only met a VERY small number of them. In general, they tend to be taken. At the campus I go to, a good deal of these girls are preps whose biggest concerns in life are who will win the weekend football game and which guy on Gray's Anatomy is the cutest. These are the types of girls I cannot hold honest conversation with as if you say anything that sounds remotely offensive, they get on your case or try to abuse you in every way short of physical violence. I only have a very small number of friends, either male or female, and a lot of acquaintences. These few people I call friends are those I feel I can speak with without superficialities dominating the conversation about serious issues, and can mutually help each other out.

On another note, I really want to get over this girl I like. She pretty much met every criteria on the list of preferences I posted in the original thread (knows I have AS and accepts it, goes to same campus, a gamer, and damn cute), yet her relationship with her boyfriend is in a really long honeymoon period. This is why I created this thread in the first place, to see if I was being to picky regarding types of girls I like because frankly I'm not meeting too many girls of her type.

I want to find a way to eliminate the "gamer" criteria and replace it with "easy to convert to gamer." So should I look to date an artsy type or a history major or anything of that sort? The more help the better; the last thing I want to do is do something stupid to hurt the girl I like.

I think I found a way to forget an interest but if you want to know, be prepared to do a lot of mental work

And what exactly is this method you propose?

Extreme amounts of meditation and discipline and pretty much changing thinking patterns, put lightly. Just thinking 'correctly,' so to speak - in other words, never getting down on myself.

I've been at it for near 6 months - sometimes I have brilliant days, sometimes I collapse.

I've reduced, in my words, any interest in the opposite sex to simple mental thoughts. Rid of thought, rid of the problem - easier said then done hence the EXTREME amounts of meditation and discipline. I'm getting good at 'changing my thoughts' when I think of a girl. That sounds weird.

But for instance, a girl I like comes to my mind - normally I'd dwell on it - now, I think 'stop' and the thought can sometimes go away, replaced with something more pleasing. I'm gaining a deal of control over my mind.

Its hard to sum up in a paragraph (maybe even a book) and its an ongoing thing.

I have pretty much the same standards you have and I am settling in for a really long wait. I just don't know any girls who fit them. I am in college as well. The only girl I know who shares my interests pretty obviously dislikes me.

history, logic, philosophy, classical lit, all good launch pads

surprising, I haven't commented this yet.

am I picky?

well that's an interesting way of putting it.

I used to be picky, I used to want a girl who was a virgin, same ideals as me, and all that jazz, but now that i've gone through a few relatioships, my ideas about what I want have changed.

I don't really care.

she can't be overly fat or extremly skinnny.

it doesn't matter if she's virgin or not, if not, then that means more experience in bed.

it doesn't matter if she's smart or not, sometimes even the "dumb" ones can have moments of brilliance. now I'm not saying that i want a girl who I can dominate, but I want a girl who can stand on equal footing with me.

money is not that big of an issue, it is, but not much.

a girl who likes cosying up by the fire and ere reading a good novel together or watching a good movie. I like a girl whose interests span all genres.

so am I picky?

no.