Accomplished Neediness

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[ vent ]

There´s this thing that I do with girls sometimes. At first when I get to know them I´m relaxed, and chill. Then they really start opening up to me, making themselves vulnerable. I can´t share that, I can´t get close to them beyond that stage. I reject their questions with poetic gibberish attempting to sound too hurt to speak. I will b***h and moan about how my parents f****d up, and then subsequently bother the person in question with text messages and statements that are of no substance to building knowledge of one another. I keep this up until I´ve felt that I have pissed off the person in enough to turn her off for good.

At least I´m conscious of this now and don´t think that I will be repeating that pattern exactly the same way. The next time a girl is inviting me to be vulnerable with her, I will let her know that I need more time before openly discussing my past, which I just really want to leave behind me when first getting to know someone.

[ / vent ]

Why are you so afraid to be vulnerable with a woman who opens up to you? What are you afraid of revealing to her about yourself? Many guys would kill to be able to get women to open up to them like that, and yet here you are consciously sabotaging these opportunities for healthy relationships... Why?

I could kinda see why he does it. If they're girls he's attracted to (you ARE a guy, right? If not, I apologize! ) he probably thinks they'll just put him in the friend zone. I myself have had this happen a lot when I like a girl. They get to the point where they dump everything on you and before you know it, you're just their friend. But not actually their friend, more like a counselor. When it's your turn to say something, they put the kibosh on it.

If this sounds bitter, it's not meant to be bitter. It's just something that I've experienced a lot. It was the first conclusion that popped in my head. Luckily they're not all that way, just a select few.

I've done this too. I am aware I do this as well. Best thing to do is just keep quiet, keep as emotionally distant as you can, especially in the beginning. After a while you can let a little out at a time if you want.

I've gone against this advice so many times and it just shows that being the strong silent type is more beneficial.

I did this in the past, because I was afraid of getting rejected or the relationship between me and the girl not going how I would like. I would not be as extreme as this, but I would basically brush off any affection by being overly formal or talking like a cheap game show host. In all honesty, I just felt more in control because if they rejected me I chose to be friends only in my mind. At the end of the day this will only work for so long and your emotions will cave in and you will want to open up but this will become your norm and it will be hard to do so.

I suggest to you if someone opens up to you, open up to them. Even if they don't go out with you, you have at least lifted a weight off your shoulder. And if they say they like you first then you have nothing to lose