a big prooblem!!

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Yesterday I agreed to the guy who's been following me for so long to be his GF...now the problem that all along i was afraid about getting hur but i never realized that i have such mood swings and that deciding to be in a relationship would be so disturbing to me!! Since yesterday i've been down with the feeling of loosing my singledom..could you believe that?!

The problem is me...i am the one who i non-committal and don't want any sort of relationship..i am afraid i might ruin this..worse i might hurt him..why do i have to be like this?? I just don't want to be in a relationship..what should i do?!

Tell him it's not what you want (I would chose a semi-public place where it's private but you could be heard if you shouted and it would be easy to get away) ripping that band-aid off fast is the least painless option, you don't need to martyr yourself for someone elses feelings.

You don't have to feel bad about not wanting to be in a relationship with someone, it happens.

He'll understand eventually. You have to let him know though.

if i just tell him that i don't want a relationship it'll be very weird because i just agreed to him..and it'd be so weird if i opt out of it in a day..which is what i really want to do right now!!

I know i will hurt him..and i don't want that either.

I think it's my fault..amybe i led him into believing that it was possible to have a relationship..and i can tell how happy he is..but then i am so goddamn nuts that i can never be happy!!

Just say you thought it was what you wanted but it turns out it isn't. And if you were gonna go out with anyone on the Earth right now it would be him. then be his friend? It's better you do this early because if you go on a couple of dates or do other things you don't want to do not only might you end up bitter towards him but he might think this was all because of something he did wrong when really you just don't want a BF.

actually he is so serious about it that he thinks of me as a part of his life!! And i don't unsderstand my mood swings at all...i liked him till yesterday and now i don't want any relationship..i know it will hurt him whenever i say it!

The thing is how can i just switch over to another statement in a day!! He'd think i was just playing games with him!!

Have you tried therapy? Could be something with your wiring going on

Chazz it's completely okay to feel like this and what you are experiencing is very real for you. You don't mention your age which I know shouldn't matter but can often help for advice especially when you have to talk through your feelings to a guy of a certain age.

I would recommend telling him exactly how you are feeling explicitly and wait to see his reaction. If it is of anger then you know he was not right for you anyway. If it is of hurt then at least perhaps a friendship can be salvaged but I think what all these feelings bringing up for you are you just can't rush into something - dating can take time - and maybe you rushed it? or maybe he is just not the right one for you? or maybe you are just not ready to commit.

But if you explain your feelings and name them and give them to him (almost see your feelings as physical objects and see him as a bowl. If he holds them and doesn't spit them out then ride through the storm, if however he, the bowl falls over or breaks and all those objects (feelings) fall out then perhaps he wasn't ready to be in a relationship with you either.)

I hope that makes sense! Your post has really made a lot of sense for me in understanding my Aspie boyfriend so thank you very much for posting.