20 and still no boyfriend. What is the problem?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi everyone,

I am a 20 year old girl from Belgium. I've never really been on a date before and I haven't ever really had a (official) relationship before (well, when I was 15-16 I had something with a guy that was more than 10 years than me, but it was an on and off thing and not even official. We had great feelings for eachother but it just wasn't possible so we eventually decided to quit. No hard feelings or regrets though, we had a great time together and I still consider hem as a friend).
It's not that I am desperately looking for a relationships but it just gets me thinking, especially when I see all my high school friends getting boyfriends. Men just hardly ever approach me. Not when I go out to a bar with friends, not when I am dancing. Just... not. This is one of the reasons that I think there is something wrong with me, that I might have aspergers (so there are very many other reasons as well).
But then again there are plenty of aspie-females that DO have relationships, or at least get flired with or approached regularly.
Wat am I doing wrong?

I don't think I am ugly. I am no Megan Fox either. I think I look pretty OK. I am just a tiny ity bit chubby (still an hourglass though). I take care of myself very well. I love fashion, I love to dress nice. I love to look good and I often get complimented on it as well.

What am I doing wrong? Because if it is not my looks (which I am guessing (or maybe i'm missing something)) it has to be the way I come across with people. The reason why I ask this is because a lot of shy girls I know have relationships, regardless of their looks. So I wonder what's wrong with me that it seems that no one is interested.

I don't hope I'll still be single when I'm 30. Because I am looking for that emotional bond, someone to do nice things with, snuggle up to on the couch, etc. I'd also love to have a family later when I'm older.

But right now I just have this fear that I will be single for ever, no one likes me, I am doing something wrong.

Does anybody have any thoughts to share or maybe tips? People that feel the same maybe?

Love,

Cafeaulait

Put your photo up and i'll tell you.

wow plenty of besides haha

Well, you can't really expect someone to just approach you. It does happen, but you need to actually put yourself out there and express interest in people. It's not easy at all, but eventually the right person or people will just kind of click with you. Even for the people who seem to have success with getting lots of dates, it's never as simple as get pretty>go out>get partner.

you're probably not coming off as shy, but rather as closed off. Theres a big difference

Are you making a point to let every person you encounter that you are open for a conversation whatever(this also helps a lot since males are a bit scared to approach females that are more cold when it comes to interacting with people)

You sound a lot like me, I'm a guy but similar situation. I've had a lot of chances to meet someone, I've even unknowingly had people interested in me but I guess I naturally come off as closed off and cold. Just want to let you know that not all of us are so shallow. Just from your description you seem like someone I would love to date I believe that people that start off as friends make the best relationships. You start off in a non hostile relationship where you don't have to worry about all the social norms committed when starting a relationship. You just have to work on getting to know each other, then after you know each other you can then choose if you want to start a relationship together and if not you still have a great friend.

Good Luck

I don't know you obviously but I should mention I no longer approach shy girls for the simple reason most of them turn out to be stuck up snobs. It's just not worth the headaches anymore to me even though I'm sure there are some shy and sweet girls out there. All I can say is that under that 'tough' persona most men like me are complete wimps so don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone a little and initiate a few conversations with men.

Bars and discos are basicaly about being hot and/or being extrovert. If you're chubby and shy, this is not the best place -for you- to hook up.

Better aim for places where you can meet men in a more relaxed way: some courses, a hiking club (or other kind of club), a calm friend's party, dating by internet, etc.

eye contact!

If your with a large group of women, that can also be a deterrent. I know that most women go out with a friend, but when you get a pack of 5 or 6 of them, it's very difficult to approach one.

It's hard to say without seeing how you act. If a guy looks at you, smile back for a second. That's a good one.