how do girlfriends deal with autistics??

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coolbreezy
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25 Sep 2012, 11:44 am

ive always wondered this and would like others opinions on thiss matter. i tend to have figured things out in black and white. ok, i was diagnosed as "low functioning", i feel like im more "moderate" nowandays. even though im autistic i have fairly decent social skills and dont have much of problem talking to women. my ex girl and i dated for 3 years almost and lived together for almost 2 years. from the beginning, she was well aware of my autism and had to restrain me during many of my violent fits, and i even bit her pretty severely on one occasion. when we went out i would sometimes have an episode, and she just try to calm me down. ive was amazed that in 3 years she didnt just walk away for good. has anyone had a similiar experiance, or a significant other who could tolerate your condition?



The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Sep 2012, 11:46 am

By creating a nagging thread on WP and breaking up with them afterwards.



coolbreezy
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25 Sep 2012, 11:48 am

i guess thats one way



AspieOtaku
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25 Sep 2012, 11:53 am

By dumping him after finding out he's autistic.


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coolbreezy
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25 Sep 2012, 12:03 pm

wow, thats harsh



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25 Sep 2012, 12:06 pm

coolbreezy wrote:
wow, thats harsh


Some people are looking for an excuse to justify dumping someone or for their negativity, in this case, they may have simply used the autism to do just that.



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25 Sep 2012, 12:10 pm

Generally by not becoming girlfriends in the first place.



AspieOtaku
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25 Sep 2012, 3:20 pm

1000Knives wrote:
Generally by not becoming girlfriends in the first place.
Quite true maybe not always but it sure seems that way.


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aspiemike
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25 Sep 2012, 4:16 pm

I find that either they do, or they don't. In most cases, they just don't bother regardless of whatever good qualities you might have.



AspieOtaku
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25 Sep 2012, 5:54 pm

aspiemike wrote:
I find that either they do, or they don't. In most cases, they just don't bother regardless of whatever good qualities you might have.
Most don't look past the autism and easily assume the individual is going to be high maintenance and extra emotional baggage so they dump us before giving us a chance even though we are capable of taking care of ourselves.They live by stereotypes for their best interests.


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aspiemike
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25 Sep 2012, 6:58 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
aspiemike wrote:
I find that either they do, or they don't. In most cases, they just don't bother regardless of whatever good qualities you might have.
Most don't look past the autism and easily assume the individual is going to be high maintenance and extra emotional baggage so they dump us before giving us a chance even though we are capable of taking care of ourselves.They live by stereotypes for their best interests.


The sad thing is: I am the worst at giving people a fair chance



the_beautiful_mess
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26 Sep 2012, 12:59 pm

WHAT a depressing thread this is becoming. And mostly b*ll*cks.

I'm an Aspie girl, and have a mix (albeit a small mix) of NT and Aspie friends. One of my closest NT friends has a boyfriend with AS. She doesn't treat him any different to how she would another NT, but if he's having a bad day or just an episode, she'll know and she'll help. She's patient, and she's kind, and she's loyal, and she knows being with him is worth it. And she's not the only one.

Just because finding 'love' is harder when you're on the spectrum, it's not impossible. You just need to be prepared to wait and work. The thing you need most to make a relationship work is simply the feeling that the most important thing is to make the other person happy. If you don't get that feeling straight away, then work for it. If it doesn't come after that, she's the wrong girl. YOU dump HER and move on. Learning to move on is also pretty key.

Also, wallowing in this self-piteous 'girls just don't do guys with AS' is not going to get you any sort of positive relationship apart from a 'Moaning Men' club.

And before someone says they're not taking relationship advice from a fourteen-year-old, remember this: HMS Titanic was built by professionals, the ark by amateurs.


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Northeastern292
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26 Sep 2012, 1:30 pm

My ex loved me regardless of being on the spectrum. She knew I went out of my way to be helpful. However, it was those little moments when I seemed to tick her off the most. I've learned something: commenting on any girl's appearance, even if it's positive, can be risky.



AspieOtaku
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26 Sep 2012, 2:50 pm

the_beautiful_mess wrote:
WHAT a depressing thread this is becoming. And mostly b*ll*cks.

I'm an Aspie girl, and have a mix (albeit a small mix) of NT and Aspie friends. One of my closest NT friends has a boyfriend with AS. She doesn't treat him any different to how she would another NT, but if he's having a bad day or just an episode, she'll know and she'll help. She's patient, and she's kind, and she's loyal, and she knows being with him is worth it. And she's not the only one.

Just because finding 'love' is harder when you're on the spectrum, it's not impossible. You just need to be prepared to wait and work. The thing you need most to make a relationship work is simply the feeling that the most important thing is to make the other person happy. If you don't get that feeling straight away, then work for it. If it doesn't come after that, she's the wrong girl. YOU dump HER and move on. Learning to move on is also pretty key.

Also, wallowing in this self-piteous 'girls just don't do guys with AS' is not going to get you any sort of positive relationship apart from a 'Moaning Men' club.

And before someone says they're not taking relationship advice from a fourteen-year-old, remember this: HMS Titanic was built by professionals, the ark by amateurs.
I did not say its always true its just viewing things realisticly I have a rather small circle of close friends mostly NTs though possibly 1 who has AS but is undiagnosed he is engaged with a girl he knows for 10 years. From my experiences in relationships however about 9 out of 10 if they find out I am autistic they will dump me or if I tell them I am autistic they will not give me a chance it is just how the way the world works. It seems depressing at times but thats what happens when people dont know how to deal with someone who has a mental disability, but I do know that some may look past that or not care or know that autistics especially high functioning autistics are pretty much like everyone else only with some quirks and work things out. I have wised up through out the years and have been in some abusive relationships as well so I know if the person is going to dump me because of something so ignorant she is not worth my time and I will dump her. Sometimes it seems depressing at times but other times I laugh at it in the end because its amazing how ignorant the majority of the populous truly is. I just have to rely on the 1 out of 10 ladies I guess its kind of like rolling a dice chance you know.Also for the record I know you are trying to use the arc and Titanic analogy and showing that it doesnt always matter who builds the ship but who navigates it just remember during Noahs flood I do not think that Noah encountered iceburgs given that that event actually happened.


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You are very likely an aspie
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The_Walrus
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26 Sep 2012, 4:07 pm

the_beautiful_mess wrote:
remember this: HMS Titanic was built by professionals, the ark by amateurs.

As St. Anselm of Canterbury famously said, "existence in reality and the mind is better than existence in the mind alone".



Adam82
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26 Sep 2012, 7:17 pm

By rejecting the guy in the first place