am I a rare dateless man

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Ok. I have good self estem. Have confidence and is very happy.
However I can't get date at all. I've tried but yeah, never really happen.
I am not suicidal, I don't hate women. Im very against men who beat up women.
In fact, I hate abusers. If anyone meet in me in real life, you probaly see the most happiest, funniest, crazy guy ever.
I have quit a few male and few female friends.
alot of dateless men I read are always bitter, low self estem, and hate themselves.
are there any other dateless men that are happy and not bitter (excluding one's by choice)

You seem rare indeed! Then again, ones own description may not always be the most accurate, so who knows!

I have high self esteem and self respect to the point where I'd end my life instead of dragging myself around in a hellhole of a life that has no opportunity of getting better. No I'm not being sarcastic. I don't have confidence around people since I'm shy. I'm too analytical to be happy but I am rather easygoing I believe. I'm not the typical suicidal, I would only do so as mentioned a few sentences ago if I had no truly viable options. I don't hate women, in fact I'm guilty of putting them on a pedestal sometimes. I have an intense hatred for men who are abusive to their women, physically or emotionally. I intentionally keep few friends because I feel that the more I have, the more cheapened my love/friendship is. I am not bitter though I do have regrets about life and do wish it turned out differently. My self esteem I believe is high though others would say it's low (I'm honest about my positives and my negatives). I don't hate myself. I am never knowingly been on a date in my life.

Though due to my Aspieness I was hanging out with this one girl and she thought it was a date when I thought it was just two friends hanging out but she told everyone it was a date and in my embarrassment I withdrew from her and never talked to her again for almost a year. Even after that it was sooooo awkward for me so we rarely ever talked. I still feel guilty for how I handled that situation.

So in regards to your question, I'll let you decide if this is a yes or no.

One thing that make me more happier then perhaps then the average dateless male is that I don't care if women thinks Im a loser, or a creep, or a wimp, or whatever. If they think that of me, that their problem not mine.

yep, I have never gone on a date/been kissed etc. Sure I have wondered why, but certainly no bitterness about it. Now that I'm mature I can completely understand why I am single -

I don't believe it's because women only go after jerks. I don't believe it's because women suck and just can't see my greatness. At the same time I don't think it's because I am a lousy person. The truth is that people generally want someone who is assertive and a talker/good communicator and it's simply difficult for me to provide these things (especially since I am not assertive by nature. I want a partner to be the assertive/dominant one) I'm alright with this. I've been single for so long that it has become so much of a norm in my eyes. By the time I hit 21 without ever having a date I just stopped caring.

I am bitter on the inside however I put up a nice front and like to think I am approachable/funny/witty in real life. How are your communication skills? I mean this in the most polite way possible, but you have very poor spelling skills.do you speak intelligently and articulately with women?

because being happy (or atleast seeming so) isnt the deciding factor in how someone gets a date.

I must go with thIs one too. The way you see yourself may not necessarily be the way other people see you, or the way you actually are.

Yeah, Im a horrible writer lol.

I sure alot of people think Im dumb but I like myself, so that how it is.

Having a good self-esteem is all well and good, and now that I think of it, I didn't take the right approach there. If you say you are happy and thing highly of yourself, that's not that uncommon, and I've got no good reason to doubt that. But I can still address the original topic: is it possible for a non-bitter and generally happy guy to be unsuccessful in dating, are there other guys like that? Yes, I've known several, and I've been one.

Forgive me if I start talking about something and end up talking about something else, but letting ideas flow freely works better in the end, and everything should be useful anyway.

I can't project my experiences into you, or assume that you're in a similar situation, but you might yet learn something out of my experiences, and what I've made out of them. I see non-bitter and happy people now as... naive, and too idealistic. I'll bring some of the things here that you've posted in other threads too, they will help me illustrate my point better, and now that I'm on it, I have some things to say about them too, and better keep them in one place as they are all interconnected. I've noticed that you generally talk about how things should be, how you wish they were, that women put more effort into dating, that they should approach you and talk to you first, and yes, some part of me agrees with that. If I could just sit down and wait and be approached by women and asked out, and went after, yes, that would make things a lot easier . But the world doesn't work that way, and we must deal with it. You can complain about how unfair it is all you want, but if you want actual success, you need to put yourself out there, do some approaching, and put some effort. And on that, women DO put effort, even if you don't notice it. I remember how I came to be with my first girlfriend; she was interested in dating me, but I was still very inexperienced, and not forward enough (justified this time as I'd already tried and failed to be in a relationship with her), and she was sending increasingly obvious signals that I should make my move (obvious in hindsight; I was completely oblivious), and in the end she had to say verbally that she might had feelings for me before I got the hint and asked her out. But there was a lot of effort in that. Or a very recent one; I was curious about seeing a girl, and after putting things off for a week, I called her and met her for lunch. She was curious about me too, and she did most of the hard work for the rest of our "date". She definitely wanted to see me too, and she's very forward, but if I hadn't called her, nothing would have happened. If you're passive, as you describe yourself, you must know that you're swimming against the (very strong!) current when you want to be chased after. And what I said about naive comes from that; here I must ask you, how much do you know about the dynamics of dating? If the answer is not much, you should definitely work on it. Buy maybe you don't want to conform to what dating should be and follow your own path instead, and everyone else be damned? If that's the case, I've heard that one before and I tell you this (actually it's a WP member's signature (actually it's the Dalai Lama)): Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

And to get back on topic, how does that translate into you not getting dates? I see several options. First, as I mentioned, guys are expected to take the initiative, and there is not much that can be done about it unless you want to severely shrink your possibilities. Also, if you don't know enough about, let's say, ways that women have to let you know that they are open to being approached, then you'll be walking around blindly, which definitely doesn't help. Or if you don't know enough about social dynamics to keep an interesting conversation going, you might bore them. There was something I agreed in what you said in another thread though; if someone doesn't share your interests, too bad, you aren't faking yours. I find that good. But be aware that if you only talk with the 10% of women who do, using your own number, it's naturally expected that you will date less often than someone who doesn't. And if you find one who belongs to that 10 percent but you never talk to her, or bore her (even if you have the same interests, that's a real possibility), or fall too hard for them, or take things too quickly, or too slowly, the cards are stacked against you. So I ask you again, how much do you know about the dynamics of dating?

We can feel on top of the world, have very open views that appeal to many, great looks, fun lifestyle, wonderful voice, social and monetary wealth but that doesn't mean anyone will like us any more for it.

Unless of course you have all those things at once generally just having a couple of those things seems to give people an entitlement complex but what do I know.

Last edited by JanuaryMan on 21 Oct 2012, 6:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

I can't say the same about me, as I have gone on at least ONE date.

Well, I have only ever gone on two dates in my entire life but to be fair I turned down dates I knew with 99% certainty would be disasters. Luckily two was all I needed!

I am one similar to you..
Happy most of the time. Definitely not bitter or sucidal. No problems with self esteem. I do not hate women either.
Although, I am not the funniest nor a crazy(socially) guy, a bit asocial as well.
People(girls) seem to like me. But I usually end up as the guy who can give good advice(with both girls and guys).

And I haven't had any date yet..