Am I the only one?

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I've thought it over some. I see many posts on here that really like, lament their foreveralone status. And they just want *someone* and say they'd be happy with *anyone* who gives them time of day. It seems they want a partner for less of like, what they see in the partner, and more just not to be lonely. I know people that never go more than a couple weeks without a boyfriend or girlfriend.

It's like they NEED a partner, and to me it seems like their partner is treated more like, I dunno, an appliance? Like as a need, and not as a want? Going to the appliance thing, wive(s) were often considered property in less modern times.

I dunno, like I don't really lament the fact I'm alone. I only felt sad when specific people I liked didn't like me or I never pursued anything with them out of lack of confidence. Me being alone is merely coincidental. I mean there is a little of me that's all "Grr, everyone else is having fun with their girlfriends except me." Like for me the process seems inverted. I see someone, get to like them for whatever reason, develop a crush or whatever, and that's what makes me want "love." Not because I'm lonely. At least I don't think?

In this regard, it makes dating sorta a weird process to me. Like if I've not "fallen" for someone, I don't really care much, as there's no like burning desire to not be lonely driving me to date or whatever. Maybe I don't know better? Maybe I got super-Aspergers and have no need for human contact at all (if that were so, I'd not have 3000 posts here?)

Yeah I dunno, I'm just sorta baffled about how people talk of relationships and being lonely and stuff.

I'm the same way as you are - get to know a person, then develop the crush, without the loneliness and searching that a lot of other people experience. My feelings have never been reciprocated before, but I don't dwell on it because relationships have never been a huge priority in my life. They seem to be more trouble than they're worth. I figure that as far as needing emotional fulfillment goes, my special interests and platonic relationships provide more than enough.

I know someone who always feels the need to be in a relationship; he's young so he's never had one before, but he talks of the need for a girlfriend like it will fill a void in his life and he says he experiences a continual undercurrent of sadness because he doesn't have one. I can understand feeling that way when going without a special interest (though that's probably fueled more by boredom than loneliness), but a relationship with another person? Nah.

I did lament my singledom...then I got into a less-than-stellar relationship and realised what was important.

So if it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, it doesn't.

Age has a lot to do with experiencing loneliness
My mum lived alone for nearly 30 years

It is a basic need [like taking a dump] and without adequate human contact, after a few years [or more] older aspies wilt and experience deep loneliness

It is our peoples greatest sadness

You youngies may be lonely one day when you are older!

What Surfman said.

I don't understand why I feel the way I do and long for love, but I do. And not just a relationship with anyone, but with someone where it's meaningful. Not even true-love fairy tale type feelings, just someone who's a friend to provide support and company.

You're lucky if you don't feel this way. I think it's fine - if you don't you don't, you probably can't change what you do or don't desire.

Age does have something to do with it for me. When I was a teen I wasn't fussed. But I think that was partly because I just assumed relationships would happen, like they do for most people. When that turned out not to be the case for me, it became a problem. In my twenties, I find it really hard being alone. Part of it is desire for the posititives of loving and being loved, and part of it is finding it really hard to manage adult life by myself. That's a result of me not being a very capable person. I think if I was good at managing the stresses of adult life I wouldn't feel quite the same. As it is, I wish I had someone to help me out a lot of the time. I see couples who balance out each others' weaknesses - like if one is really good at practical things, for example. If you have a problem, it must be such a relief to know you are not facing it alone but as a couple.

If I were a healthy independent adult, perhaps I wouldn't have this sense of insecurity that I feel would be lessened by being in a relationship. I'd still desire close companionship for its own sake though.

I think many that fit into the category of people you're talking about, Knives, are people that have never had a relationship or at least a proper relationship.
Many Asperger's are naïve to some of the concepts, and feel not only will it fill the void in their lives as you've put it but also give them access to emotional, social and physical gratification on the tap. They really do dehumanize a partner into the concept of them being nothing more than as you said an appliance which dispenses hugz, fukz and compliments and only EXACTLTY when they want it or feel like it with no effort into the relationship on their part.

They forget the partner they are seeking is a human being with their own life, their own likes and dislikes, their own right to be happy or angry, their own personal schedule which might not always please the other person, and their ability to choose, refuse and disagree. Frankly people of this mindset aren't ready for relationships but should get into some with people anyway so they learn the hard way what relationships are really about.

Insinuating that desperate lonely people....

' really do dehumanize a partner into the concept of them being nothing more than as you said an appliance which dispenses hugz, fukz and compliments and only EXACTLTY when they want it or feel like it with no effort into the relationship on their part'

is a very harsh thing to say.
I think the using of others, type psychopathy you mention is more common amongst the well heeled social folk.
My mother gave so much to others and charities. In no way could her motives for friendship be considered mercenary or purely self motivated. She never had a clue about autism in her poor life.
I think its a deeply offensive and disparaging thing to put out there....

'Frankly people of this mindset aren't ready for relationships but should get into some with people anyway so they learn the hard way what relationships are really about.'

Surely being autistic means they need some help and assistance?
Maybe they are crushed by previous experience and disillusioned by a current lack of understanding or empathy?

Yes there is that, and it's good sections such as Love and Dating on WrongPlanet exist to help people understand what they are going through and why certain things happen.

I wasn't insinuating that desperate lonely people were those things, period. I was insinuating that MANY were. You only have to read the threads, and I only have to look at my past experience as well. I appreciate you feel offended because right now you are a bit lonely but no need to get defensive. I wasn't tarring everybody.

well gee thanks for the kind words toward the lonely
I'm glad your not lonely any more....
congratulations

Just curious...is there anything at all I can say without you desperately trying to paint me as some sort of evil guy that is poking fun at lonely people? It seems like your way of dealing with my comments is by creating this bubble where you are the nice guy, and I'm this bad guy, when really we're just two random guys on a forum that are fairly neutral.

I am alone, but I'm not lonely. I used to have a lot of terrible traits in my loneliness and while most are gone, some do come back now and again. I'm doing a lot better thanks to lots of listening, practice, patience and stuff but I'm never going to be perfect. And given enough time I will be very lonely once again. Because I have the foresight of having been in a situation, having learned from some mistakes does not make mean I have forgotten my past difficulties and am being opportunistic in making fun of people going through the same thing. That would be another person with blurry photos

mini-goose is very very lonely
he has a massive inferiority complex
because he is much smaller than the rest of the gaggle
of geese

Its good we are all improving ourselves

I'll take that as a no.
*leaves topic*

I am not 'desperately trying to paint you' anything
You accused lonely people of being takers and not givers
I replied my truth
You left in a sour mood
No hard feelings??


Friendship is never an opportunity, always a sweet responsibility......

There are a lot of people here who seem to think a relationship will remedy their crap self-image and insecurity. It won't, they'll just ruin their relationships with it if they can't work it out on their own.

In any case, yeah, but I prefer being alone. I've had relationships but I'm unhappy being committed.

That's a winner, right there!