We have broken up

Post Reply New Topic

I Posted a thread in this section saying 'need help desperately'
Cos things werent going well with my AS boyfriend,
Tonight he rang and said he thought things over and he would rather just be reeaally really good friends, and he still wants to hang out but as friends.
He said nothing i did was wrong it was just him,
And he talked so nicely, he said thank u so much for understanding, and please dont let this ruin our friendship (which i most certainly wont!)
So yea, im honoured to hav been his first girlfriend, and even more honoured to still b his friend )

Honey, it sounds like you need to ditch this zero and get yourself a hero.

Reptilegal, that is a beautiful and wise post, and I think you are right to let things find a level with this guy, to see where the friendship goes now. Respect to you!

I don't know if this helps, but I needed a partner who was first of all my best friend, and the meeting of minds and values was really important before all the other stuff could happen. You see, I have always lived primarily 'in my head' rather than my heart, so I wasn't sure how to 'label' the feelings I had for her (was this friendship? was this love?). She is still my best friend today, and we will have been married 30 years next month.

...I suppose that would be you?

Glad that even though you aren't going out any more with him, Reptilegal, you have at least still got a good friend.

I agree. I could not have said it better myself. I wish you two the best.

Thanks he is the most lovely and caring guy iv ever laid my eyes on and i am proud of HIM with the way he handled the situation.
Whe are back to communicating like we did before we went out,
And who knows, it may turn back into romance in the future!!
But for now, i am so happy to still be his friend. <3

Oh my gosh that is beautiful!! ! AND inspiring!! !
Im sooo happy for u both!!

Me and my ex are like this at the moment after she broke up with me (she's an Aspie too and had a bit of an episode as she isn't used to dating or relationships). She occasionally flirts or wants to start things up again..even though I don't want that now so yes given time feelings and emotions can be rekindled with an Aspie ex

Wow, you sound remarkably cheerful and accepting and philosophical about this.

If it were me who'd been dumped by my dream fella, I'd be bawling my eyes out in despair.

If it means you suffer less, it's a good thing you're so matter-of-fact, I suppose.

I did bawl my eyes out!! I could hardly breathe!! !
Its still a little bit hard to accept BUT i am soo happy that we are still awsome friends!
I was terrified that this relationship would have stressed him out so much that he would break up with me and never talk to me again!!

So that is why i am coping with the blow, because he is still beside me as a friend <3

Think of it as a (disappointing) step back, not as a catastrophic end. Who knows what the future might yet hold for this friendship?
Over my working career (I'm a priest!), even among NTs I've seen dozens of relationships go on to flower after a setback like this.

DITTO )

Well, i'm back its been a while. I searched "ex wants to be friends" and your post popped up, Reptilegal.
I have to agree with Plodder, as my AS guy finally pulled the plug on our relationship after months of wondering what the hell we both were doing. That said, i went out of town with him (against my gal friends' advice) for a few days.
It went "great" due to my denial!! !! !! !

And yes, i've been bawling my eyes out for weeks if not months.

When i got home i wrote a closure letter to him - okay i've yet to send it, but at least my BS is out in the open to my self. I CANNOT fool myself that i can be friends with this guy YET. i am too hurt, its too soon and i am continuing the denial. This goes for any relationship - AS, NT etc.

All i'm saying is be very very careful, and be honest to yourself. I'm sure he is a great guy, but if you are no longer together be wary of denial and give yourself time to heal. THEN, be friends.
Speaking from experience i know i have to do this.

...."still single" *hides*

boston 123, I think you make very fair points - every relationship is different, both in terms of depth (perceived and actual!), and of the needs and expectations of the two personalities involved. There is some truth in the old anthropological stuff about males being 'programmed for non commitment' and females for 'nest-making and commitment' - and if Aspieness is 'extreme male brainedness' then this may well be a factor.

There is a world of difference between being slow/afraid/uncertain how to commit, and being simply too idle to make the effort to commit because the the other party seems willing to do all the work involved. And a sensitive NT will encourage the Aspie to commit as/when/however possible because, although committing requires more effort for the Aspie, a committed relationship in the end is as rewarding for the Aspie as for the NT!

Funny, but inappropriate.