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bornlie
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30 Nov 2012, 11:52 pm

There is this Aspie girl that I like and I too am an Aspie. We talk online every day for at least 5 hours a day or more, and that's not counting the occasional text message. I could honestly say that I think she is perfect for me. The problem is that she does not see me as "boyfriend" material. She just sees me as a friend. I am really confused. I am new to this whole romance thing but when I look at how we interact and at how much we can talk to each other nonstop, I feel like everything points to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship or even more. We sometimes fight and argue like a couple would do. We know we will always end up making up right after. I am just confused because how can you talk to anyone nonstop all the time, and have the other relationship traits we have and not be in a relationship. I have read about relationships and seen hollywood movies on them, and this fits that "mold". She just refuses to acknowledge it. She says she is "asexual". She doesn't like to french kiss and neither do i. She doesn't want sex and I don't even care. I understand the asexual thing but she even says she cannot even feel romantic attraction. My interest in her is mainly her meeting my requirements and my standards, plus she is really cute. For me it is at least 75% mental. I think she may not understand what romantic attraction and love is(I probably don't either but at least i know she is "the one"). Our relationship mirrors that of a close couple, yet she does not feel we are a couple. I am just really confused and lost. How do I get her to open up to the chance of us being in a 'boyfriend girlfriend" relationship or even call what we have so. I think if she did decide to call what we have a "boyfriend girlfriend" thing that nothing would change, since the way we interact is already like BF/GF.



2wheels4ever
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01 Dec 2012, 1:05 am

I can only offer my somewhat parallel perspective; if this whole relationship was conceived and germinated online and odds are that you wouldn't meet up IRL without going through a huge logistics process, enjoy it for what it is and consider it good practice for the real thing should it ever come along and things not pan out with your 'current'.
Being online you can sustain the fantasy on your end which can help keep your confidence high while out among the people in your everyday contact. I know it makes my day go 100 times better when I know someone's waiting for my next reply when I get home.

In my case I've put out the invitation to meet up if either of us happened to be in the other's area but from past experience I've learned to hold back on 'huh Spike?'-ing the other party about meeting F2F. I've gotten to be content with learning about each other online and texts, and leaving it to them if they wish to meet. I can give you 1 takeaway from this if anything: if you decide to change ANY of your behaviors when dealing with this person, DON'T do a "Jeckyl-and-Hyde" - make those changes in small subtle increments (yeah I know - subtle and aspie are incongruent). I suppose the first thing to change would be pressuring her to be together. If you combine the 'relationship in your mind' with phasing out the "c'mon let's go out", who knows, she could come around


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bornlie
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01 Dec 2012, 1:42 am

2wheels4ever wrote:
I can only offer my somewhat parallel perspective; if this whole relationship was conceived and germinated online and odds are that you wouldn't meet up IRL without going through a huge logistics process, enjoy it for what it is and consider it good practice for the real thing should it ever come along and things not pan out with your 'current'.
Being online you can sustain the fantasy on your end which can help keep your confidence high while out among the people in your everyday contact. I know it makes my day go 100 times better when I know someone's waiting for my next reply when I get home.

In my case I've put out the invitation to meet up if either of us happened to be in the other's area but from past experience I've learned to hold back on 'huh Spike?'-ing the other party about meeting F2F. I've gotten to be content with learning about each other online and texts, and leaving it to them if they wish to meet. I can give you 1 takeaway from this if anything: if you decide to change ANY of your behaviors when dealing with this person, DON'T do a "Jeckyl-and-Hyde" - make those changes in small subtle increments (yeah I know - subtle and aspie are incongruent). I suppose the first thing to change would be pressuring her to be together. If you combine the 'relationship in your mind' with phasing out the "c'mon let's go out", who knows, she could come around


thank you for the great advice. Yes I have brought up the possibility of meeting her, and maybe even moving to her city. She is very open to the idea. I would not just randomly do it because well I would have a hard time adjusting and so would she. I do think it is a great idea to kind of lay of the "hey lets get together" thing. I don't think she quite knows how to react or what to say to my pressuring, so always refers me to her lack of interest, however when i complement her she says "aww".



aspiesandra27
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01 Dec 2012, 2:12 am

bornlie, this rings a bell.Me and hi both aspires, but he says he is not good with relationships, they are not visceral and therefore he understand them. i don't know what par to f that is true, but ``i need to find out,



Surfman
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01 Dec 2012, 5:15 am

tell her you wont wait forever, and limit future conversations to let her know what she is going to miss
[she prolly has a BF and has been using you for an ego boost?]
you been on the bottle Sandy? omg your a drunk like olive!



2wheels4ever
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01 Dec 2012, 11:00 am

Glad you could use my thoughts Bornlie. I did want to bring up the jealousy factor and I think Surfman expressed it better than I could, but yeah you definitely want to paint a picture of your life going viral while hers is a stale thread, in terms of raising her interest level.


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bornlie
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01 Dec 2012, 11:42 am

aspiesandra27 wrote:
bornlie, this rings a bell.Me and hi both aspires, but he says he is not good with relationships, they are not visceral and therefore he understand them. i don't know what par to f that is true, but ``i need to find out,


Yes she says she is not good with relationships. I try to reason with her and tell her she cannot base her attitude on relationships on previous experiences since I am not like everyone else.

Surfman wrote:
tell her you wont wait forever, and limit future conversations to let her know what she is going to miss
[she prolly has a BF and has been using you for an ego boost?]
you been on the bottle Sandy? omg your a drunk like olive!


how do I do this slowly? I don't want to suddenly bring this point up.

2wheels4ever wrote:
Glad you could use my thoughts Bornlie. I did want to bring up the jealousy factor and I think Surfman expressed it better than I could, but yeah you definitely want to paint a picture of your life going viral while hers is a stale thread, in terms of raising her interest level.


thanks for the help



aspiesandra27
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01 Dec 2012, 6:42 pm

LOL Surfman, is that Sandy, me?



bornlie
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01 Dec 2012, 10:14 pm

aspiesandra27 wrote:
LOL Surfman, is that Sandy, me?


I was wondering why your post was so difficult to read, and here I just thought I was tired.