telling other half about AS

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So I've just started to go out with a really nice guy, who is similar to me in many ways. He knows nothing about my AS. I want him to know, if this is going to be long term, but just don't know how or when.
Suggestions? Experiences?

I am NT and my boyfriend is AS... As is my son. He still hasn't said hey, I am AS... But it is understood between us. In the beginning he just pointed out things that were obvious traits and told me how to deal with them. Like in the beginning he was sensitive to my touch. I could touch him and he loved to be held but I couldn't rub or stroke softly. He told me that he had very sensitive skin and it would make him sore. Over time he became familiar with my touch and it was no longer an issue. When I would be upset about something and he would ask me what was wrong and I said nothing he told me that he can't figure out passive agressive behavior. If I am upset just tell him so he can fix it. Things like that. Once I realized he is AS I would say things like... You seem really frustrated. Is there something I can do to help? He would say... I get confused when I try to cook in all this clutter. To me there were only a few things out of place but to him it was a mess.. you say you are a lot alike. Are you thinking he is AS too? Pointing out your traits would work especially well if that is the case. My daughter's babysitter told me she was by casually saying "oh well, you know ... I am on the spectrum... Sometimes I miss a hint ha ha" and then went on like it was nothing. To me it isn't a big deal. It is a way of processing and nothing more. I doubt I would say autism, autistic, aspergers etc because those who are not familiar often jump to conclusions that are not accurate. The way the sitter said it... Like obviously I knew and it was no big deal was a great approach.

This is usually the scenerio for me.

me: theres something I have to tell you but im afraid to say it out of fear of you of breaking up with me.

gf: its ok you can tell me anything I love you so much, of course I wont break up with you.

me: ok well here it goes....Im an aspie.

gf: oh I had no idea

me: do you still love me?

gf: of course silly!

2 days later

gf: honey theres something I need to tell you

me: what is it?

gf: its not you its me!!

The End!

I vote yes, you should tell him. If he likes you then he will go and read up on it. From the threads that I have seen here. NT guys that are bothered to stick around will read up as much as they can to accommodate. So if he doesn't then you are better off.

How long have you been seeing him? I think that it is good to let your partner know in a long-term relationship, but it's the kind of thing that you may not want to reveal too soon (see: AspieOtaku's post lol). You want for him to know you for you first, and not to define you by your condition. So I think that you should definitely tell him, but first make sure that there is a good amount of trust and understanding built up between the two of you beforehand.

NT boyfriends will still accept you for your AS so as long as you have a functioning vagina. Sad but true. This is why it's true when Aspie girls say that Aspie guys are not being fair when they b***h that girls have it so much easier. Aspie girls know that the reason why they have more luck than us in the dating realm is because they have a functioning vagina and guys are desperate for vagina in a way that girls are not desperate for penis. Plus society brainwashes women (yes brainwash. If aversion to aspie males is hardwired into woman's brains then why are there so many Aspie males to begin with? If Aspieness is undesirable, we would have been bred out of existence no?) into rejecting any man that appears to be "weak" (aspie traits are seen as weak) whereas men are socialized to "protect the weak". It comes down to neurotypical boyfriends wanting to make use of functional vaginas whenever the opportunity presents itself and feeling more masculine "protecting" their so-called "vulnerable" Aspie girlfriends.

Meanwhile AS guys often have to deal with the scenario that AspieOtaku brought up.

AspieOtaku, as an aspie who has gotten laid a good deal and wants something more (a long-term relationship), do you ever feel like it's not even worth it if a woman can't appreciate the real you? I still put on a mask to a certain extent. Though I feel like I'm "selling out" when I do. And I'm questioning whether there is any real point to "selling out" myself. I feel that if a woman can't like me for who I am, then why should I bother with dating? Why put on the facade? What is the point of getting a girlfriend?

^^All the time! I tend think its not worth it but I tend to yearn for a companion to comfort me and tell me everything is going to be alright regardless of being used to being lonely and maybe false hope of filling the empty void in my heart.

Aspieotaku
I am really sorry! Seriously. I can honestly say the two Aspie relationships I have been in have been the most wonderful and satisfying ever. They one before my boyfriend was awesome.. but there were valid reasons I needed to end it. I am going to be totally honest here because I have my great relationship and you are trying to find yours. My boyfriend told me about his traits and what he needed but never said outright that he was. Although my not knowing caused difficulties at first because I interperated his behavior as NT's and that is not fair... I will confess when I first realized it I looked at him for a couple of day's trying to "see it" I knew about it because my son is AS.. and trying to raise an AS child is challenging because they do not yet have the life experiences to help them "fake it" from time to time. I hope that makes sense. So as much as I have always fought labeling my son as somehow disabled.. It took me a couple of days to wrap my head around my boyfriend being AS. I looked for him to be disabled or incomplete in some way. Please don't judge me for my confession here. I have never said that to anyone. I am sorry I was like that. But I did not know as much as I do now. But at this point we had been together for 3 years and I knew I loved him with all my heart. After I was able to wrap my head around it all I no longer looked for some sort of incompleteness. I completely saw him as the same guy who just processes and feels differently. We have posted on a good number of the same threads so you know that I adore him, I am good to him and I do not find him as "less than" in any way. But when a person doesn't completely understand something it is easy to be uncomfortable by it until you get your head around it. My advice is two fold for you and for others. First, when you are ready to tell... the way you put it was very "there is something wrong with me and I need to share it with you." But there is nothing wrong with you. Who is to say there is not something wrong with being NT.. I really hated that term when I first came here. I don't wanna be typical!!.. So first.. wait until you know she is really into you. There is something called the three month rule.... I can go into that more if needed but.. wait for any confessions until well after that. Like 6 months... then say it very matter of fact as if it is so obvious she is an idiot if she doesn't already know... When some miscommunication happens say something like.. "mannn I am sorry I missed that. Being on the spectrum sometimes I miss subtle hints. I am sorry I hurt your feelings.. You know I adore you" etc... make the telling her part as if you thought she already knew. When we first got together my boyfriend would explain traits and what he needed but never said AS... when I finally figured it out I was at first not totally sure he knew and didn't want him to get defensive or assume I was trying to make everyone not like me Aspie just becuase they were similar to my son.. so I just commented on his traits and how I was trying to help and does this make it easier??? etc.. I have still not said.. "hey, are you AS?" and he has still not said "hey, I am AS" it is an understanding and we just go with the things we need to do for each other and life is great. I am emotional. Sometimes I need to cry or be sad and I can't explain why. I just tell him that is what is going on and that a hug or him listening is all I need. Other times I explain that I see him getting frustrated how can I help and he tells me. So my advice is, although you have nothing to be ashamed or embarassed by... it is not something people readily understand and they jump to the wrong conclusions. I am sorry but if you wait until she already thinks you are the best catch ever.... and trust me... and Aspie man is the perfect man for a NT woman!! ! and then hint hint hint then tell her.... they wont dump you. It shouldn't have to be this way and I am sorry it is. I would like to think I would have been different if he flat told me up front. I am a pretty accepting person.

Sadly maybe you have just gotten the wrong women. AS is not a bad thing in my experience. It is truly a simpler less complicated relationship.. IMO. What is it that you don't understand about NT women? Maybe I can help with that part. I do stand by my advice of telling them matter of factly as if you are telling them you have a million dollars.. in other words in a positive tone not as something "serious" how you feel about it when you tell them will go a long way in how they receive it. I am sure your "I have something to tell you" way is more about being concerned about how they will react and fearing it will be negative. But you are not telling them you have a disease.. You are telling them you process differently than they do.