Recurring Casual Touch: Romantic Interest or Simply Culture?
This past Wednesday, I went to a sports bar with a group of twenty people. The sports bar was cramped and noisy; it took me three beers before I completely loosened up, got into the swing of things, and started enjoying myself. But there was one redeeming feature: the bar had a trivia challenge night, with a cost of $1 to play, and most of the questions were on intellectual topics. (It's actually pretty funny to be answering intelligent questions while drunk.) First place got $50, second place got $20, third place got $10, fourth place got a free drink, fifth place got their $1 entry fee back. I already have somewhat of a reputation among those people as "the smart one", although nowhere near as much as I've gotten that reputation among groups of people in the past. Maybe because I learned to pass for NT fairly well, I don't know.
Now, about half hour into the event, when the trivia was supposed to smart, a really cute girl arrived late, and took a seat right next to me. Since the bar was really packed, she ended up pressed into me a little bit, not unlike people on a crowded city bus during rush hour. Because we were sitting so close, there was really no choice but to talk, at least between trivia questions. I found myself almost instantly attracted to her. She had a bubbly personality and peaceful presence that could put all but the shyest guys at ease. During my conversation with her, I learned that she came from Ecuador and was able to obtain a Green Card not too long ago. Her English was good, but I could still detect some broken grammar and substituted words. Again, due to the cramped space in the bar, we were almost pressed up against each other, except unlike in "rush hour in a city bus" situations, she did not exhibit any touch-limiting body responses: stiffening up, arms at the chest, one arm holding the other at the elbow, leaning away from me, etc.
Quite the opposite, she was touching me a lot throughout the conversation. It was an innocent, casual touch, like brushing the back of her hand against my upper arm, grabbing my wrist when emphasizing a point, and leaning into me when reaching across the table for something, and putting her head on my shoulder momentarily while laughing at something I said. She did this many times during the night. I responded in kind by briefly putting my arm around her. Now, I've building up "tolerance" to this kind of thing, if you know what I mean. (Clarification: it's no longer sufficient to arouse me.)
Now, when I was studying Spanish in high school, I read that the Latin American culture is touch-heavy. Family members and close friends hug and kiss on the cheek a lot (with a possible exception of two non-related men). Friends who saw each other only days ago practically jump into each other's arms when hugging. Near-strangers dance close when doing Latin dances, and think nothing of it (with unwritten boundaries in place, of course, and I know them). People who just met stand close when talking and use touch as ways of describing things and/or emphasizing a point (again, with a possible exception of two men).
I've seen her act somewhat touchy-feeling with other people throughout the night, but I don't know, it just seemed more of an American-style touch, if you will. She also hugged most people at the end; I'm not sure if she knew them previously or met them that night. The hug she gave me at the end was very close and expressive, and at the same time, anything but sexual. I found it strangely intriguing; how did she manage to get the balance just right?
And so, this brings me to my question. What's the deal with the way that girl was touching me frequently throughout the night? Was she indeed romantically interested in me, or was the touch simply part of human interaction in her culture and nothing to get worked up about? Either way, I was in an elevated mood for almost the entire workday on Thursday. I hope to see her again at the next Wednesday's trivia night. Whether or not she likes me, she was just fun to be around.
Last edited by Aspie1 on 07 Dec 2012, 11:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
It's probably part cultural and part; her individual personality. No way to really know unless you get to her better over time.
In my limited experience, people from a South American cultures tend to touch quite freely in a manner that is really rare in the US.
I think what you can conclude is:
1. She does not find you repulsive.
2. She is being open and friendly in a way that is natural to her.
3. It doesn't mean she is trying to get you to make a move.
4. But it also means she doesn't dislike you.
It is probably best to interpret her behavior in the same way you might interpret a North American woman's smiles and friendly conversation. Be polite and respectful of her in the way that is natural to you and you should be fine.
_________________
Never let the weeds get higher than the garden,
Always keep a sapphire in your mind.
(Tom Waits "Get Behind the Mule")
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