my aspie bf was facebooking another person

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my aspie bf and i have been together for almost five months. monday i found some messages he was sending to someone across the nation stating, "i wonder what it would be like to wake up next to you", "you probably wouldn't like my body", "when i get enough money, i'm going to drive to you".

i confronted him and he said he was offended that this person didn't become "enthralled" with him when they first met (on facebook. no physical connection), and he was going to try and get this person interested in him (he is quite the catch, by a universal standard) so he could reject them and say that he has a girlfriend.

then he told me he didn't think this messaging was a big deal and that's why he didn't try to "hide" any of the messages. can an aspie believe that this is good boyfriend behavior???

If I was in your shoes I'd be nervous. There's a chance he may not even meet his FB friend at all, but the fact that he's even looking and talking that way would put me on edge and him on notice.

to the OP: if your BF were 100% into you, this would not have happened.

So his excuse was that he wanted to toy with her emotions and then dump her to the curb? That doesn't make it sound any better in my mind.

that is in the same category of "excuse" as "I have a wide stance."

Your boyfriend sounds like an a**hole, aspie or not.

Yeah, toying with another's emotions is simply uncool. Even better, this person had no physical connection and rejected him. It's even more cruel to try and convince someone that you are a good guy after being rejected just to reject them back afterwards.

The behaviour is simply uncalled for from both, you and the other girl's standards. She will hate him for it, and you won't respect the fact that he is doing it and likely will do it.

There are two options:

1. He's lying and possibly cheating (emotionally)
2. He's telling the truth and a complete a**hole.

...

he told me that there was no chance that he would see this fb friend, and that when he does have the resources, and doesn't visit this person, that i can trust him even more.

i'm sorry, corkyviolet I did not mean to cause you pain, just that you should know that a loyal BF would eschew anything smacking of relating to other women in a "come hither" way like you described your BF doing. imagine what he would do if the shoe were on the other foot, like YOU contacting another guy on FB and toying around like that. what i'm trying to impart onto you, is the importance of having a good heart-to-heart with your BF about your relationship, ask him pointed questions about how devoted he is to you and ONLY you. you've gotta know.

If the reason given by him is the entire truth, then I agree with him that it's not a big deal and that it means nothing. But he does sound immature if he has to have all females dig him. No matter how good looking he is, I'd find that attitude very off-putting.

I can easily think it doesn't mean anything because some years ago I was friend with a guy who I exchanged a lot of sexual charged chats with. It was just for fun, it didn't mean anything, it was just kidding around. He was getting with a partner and so was I at the time. Some people can kid around like that without meaning anything, just like some people can talk about their 'work wife/husband'.

I'd be concerned though if I found my partner was reading my private messages. That could be a deal breaker for me.

oops

Last edited by corkyviolet on 04 Jun 2013, 2:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

i've just had a long conversation with him and he didn't think messaging another person to provoke sexual tension was a concern in our relationship. he didn't think it was a 'big deal', but now knows that it is a 'big deal' to me...and will not do it again.

so, auntblabby, our heart-to-heart turned up information that he is devoted to me and understands my emotional conflict.

btw, we both have equal access to each others' phones which includes access to each others' messages.

i've tried to tell him the differences between emotional and sexual infidelity, but he didn't understand....

Herein lies the danger of Facebook. I can't tell you how many articles there have been on the internet about Facebook affairs. They start out as emotional ones, and if they continue, they blur the line between emotional and sexual when the line is crossed. If your boyfriend is serious that he won't ever contact her again, here is what he needs to do: block her. Unfriend her. Whatever it takes to break all contact with her completely and permanently. I hope it works out for you, I really do. Best of luck.