Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

AS girl and past traumatic experiences

Page 1 of 1 [ 13 posts ] 

Previous topic | Next topic

Tyri0n
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,879
Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)

30 Mar 2013, 3:46 pm

Apparently, I look like a guy who touched an AS girl inappropriately recently, so she said she feels traumatized when she sees me, but I kind of like her otherwise. Is there any way to make her feel differently, or is this one just to write off?



Ladywoofwoof
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Mar 2013
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,879

30 Mar 2013, 4:09 pm

That is a shame.

I think... she is likely to continue to feel 'triggered' (meaning she remembers the abusive experience) unless you look quite different from this other unpleasant character she encountered.

I'm not sure what to suggest other than to try your best to overhaul your appearance, like... get a new hair style or maybe change the colour, or ... wear different clothes if that's a problem for her or... um, like... shave if you usually have a beard, or try growing one if you usually don't.... but even then, you might look similar enough that it would still bother her.

Please just know that even though she reacts like she does, she knows that it wasn't YOU who were unpleasant to her... she definitely won't mean it personally, and she can't help having that sort of extreme response to how you look.

Ah, I wish i could think of something more helpful to say about this.
I'm sorry to hear that this has happened.



Tyri0n
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,879
Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)

30 Mar 2013, 4:22 pm

Ladywoofwoof wrote:
That is a shame.

I think... she is likely to continue to feel 'triggered' (meaning she remembers the abusive experience) unless you look quite different from this other unpleasant character she encountered.

I'm not sure what to suggest other than to try your best to overhaul your appearance, like... get a new hair style or maybe change the colour, or ... wear different clothes if that's a problem for her or... um, like... shave if you usually have a beard, or try growing one if you usually don't.... but even then, you might look similar enough that it would still bother her.

Please just know that even though she reacts like she does, she knows that it wasn't YOU who were unpleasant to her... she definitely won't mean it personally, and she can't help having that sort of extreme response to how you look.

Ah, I wish i could think of something more helpful to say about this.
I'm sorry to hear that this has happened.


Seems like a lot to go through for a girl....especially with no guarantee of it working. Well, I guess that's that. I am not going to grow a beard or dye my hair black. lol



Ladywoofwoof
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Mar 2013
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,879

30 Mar 2013, 4:23 pm

;-) Fair enough.



cathylynn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,045
Location: northeast US

30 Mar 2013, 4:36 pm

possibly being around you and not having anything bad happen may change her reaction over time.



Tyri0n
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,879
Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)

30 Mar 2013, 5:16 pm

cathylynn wrote:
possibly being around you and not having anything bad happen may change her reaction over time.


Yeah, maybe. It probably wouldn't work though. I don't want her to feel bad either.



Last edited by Tyri0n on 30 Mar 2013, 6:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ezbzbfcg2
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2013
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,991
Location: New Jersey, USA

30 Mar 2013, 6:03 pm

She's female, she's presumably NT.

Using logic for a moment, do you really think you can ever sway her if she's deemed you creepy for whatever reason? And even if you could, is it worth the effort?

My advice is no, it's a write off.



Tyri0n
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,879
Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)

30 Mar 2013, 6:08 pm

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
She's female, she's presumably NT.

Using logic for a moment, do you really think you can ever sway her if she's deemed you creepy for whatever reason? And even if you could, is it worth the effort?

My advice is no, it's a write off.


Um, no she's AS. And no, I doubt she thinks I'm creepy. I don't behave in a creepy manner, or dress like a creep.



BlueMax
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2007
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,285

30 Mar 2013, 10:01 pm

Tyri0n wrote:
ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
She's female, she's presumably NT.

Using logic for a moment, do you really think you can ever sway her if she's deemed you creepy for whatever reason? And even if you could, is it worth the effort?

My advice is no, it's a write off.


Um, no she's AS. And no, I doubt she thinks I'm creepy. I don't behave in a creepy manner, or dress like a creep.


That can be totally irrelevant. If the mere sight of you triggers the heeby-jeebies (even though it had NOTHING to do with you) either she has to fix the error in her brain, or YOU need to move on.



Tyri0n
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,879
Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)

31 Mar 2013, 2:55 am

BlueMax wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
She's female, she's presumably NT.

Using logic for a moment, do you really think you can ever sway her if she's deemed you creepy for whatever reason? And even if you could, is it worth the effort?

My advice is no, it's a write off.


Um, no she's AS. And no, I doubt she thinks I'm creepy. I don't behave in a creepy manner, or dress like a creep.


That can be totally irrelevant. If the mere sight of you triggers the heeby-jeebies (even though it had NOTHING to do with you) either she has to fix the error in her brain, or YOU need to move on.


You're right, but I still don't think that creepy is an accurate term. I probably will move on, as there were no brilliant suggestions here. I don't fixate on people like most AS people do. If you go cold on me, or even just seem to do so, my interest dies very very quickly.

Part of the reason I want to make things right is not just because I'm just that interested but because I don't like being thought of that way, if that makes any sense?



PresidentPorpoise
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 18 Mar 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 74

31 Mar 2013, 5:18 pm

That sucks, but I think you should probably give up on pursuing a relationship with her. Out of curiosity, how well do you know each other now? If you're already friends, then maybe eventually she'll no longer associate you with the creep who touched her, and maybe she'll even like you, and maybe then if it's obvious that she likes you, you could see if she was open to a relationship. Seems like a pretty big maybe, though, and if it were me in this situation, I would want to be 100% sure that she was interested in me before approaching her about a relationship. So for now, you should probably just leave things as they are. Sorry about that, though dude, that's bad luck.



thewhitrbbit
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 May 2012
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,124

31 Mar 2013, 5:58 pm

It sucks. Sometimes you can do everything right, and it still not work out.



uwmonkdm
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Mar 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 764
Location: Canada

31 Mar 2013, 6:24 pm

Get a haircut? I dunno, this is a really weird situation..