Dealing with a girl you're not crazy about

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(the subject should read Dealing with a girl who is crazy about you but you're not crazy about)

And that is exactly the boat I am in.

This said girl (and at one point her roommate, who also had a crush on me) has been attracted to me for eons. We met in college. But I smell something I don't like, and it's not just because of her lack of good judgment in cases she's told me about. . Said girl's roommate's ex-boyfriend has a little more severe AS than I have. I thought I had feelings for her, and when I told her (FIRST MISTAKE) I (thought I) had feelings for her eerily enough those few feelings went away. First lesson learned: just because thinking about a girl gives you a boner doesn't mean . I had to tell her to stop calling me "sweetie" and "cutie". She's kind and sweet, but she's also kind of annoying, and she moans too much. I'm regretting now that I said anything, and I do want to hang out with her as friends do, but I'm worried it's not going to end pretty anyways. I feel (and I'm very aware) that I might have at this point destroyed a friendship. I'm already feeling guilty that I might have played with her feelings without intending to do so.

I'm not crazy about this particular girl because I don't know, she comes off like Laina, the Overly Attached Girlfriend, except without the pretty eyes. And at least OAG's eyes, albeit creepy, are cute. The girl who likes me has a smile I don't think is pretty.

I guess where the resentment comes in is that my mom, whose track record in relationships has at times made me want to vomit, has been edging me on to go for this girl. The ex-roommate has done so too.

Am I suppressing my real feelings? And am I being too judgmental? This I know is another case of a girl who likes me that I'm not crazy about at all. I do want to hang out with her again and see what happens, but I don't know. She's been dying to see me and I don't want to feed an obsession. I know what it's like to be obsessed about a girl and it's not fun.

Is being honest with her completely off the table?

I could be wrong but you seem a little unsure about your feelings. Try and keep the friendship(s) if you can, they may come in handy later.

(a) try and buy more time so you can think about things. easy to say I know, but it is better
(b) perhaps speak to someone that knows the girls and get their opinion on what you should do. They may be able to point out positives and negatives about them that haven't occurred to you.

If you are unsure and no other options are on the table, you should probably go for it and do your best to control the flow. You can always kindly pull out later if you have to, and girls are attracted to guys that are unavailable.

IMO, if you are having these doubts no, you'll likely continue to feel them if you enter into a relationship with her.

Only problem with that is if you do continue to feel these doubts during the relationship (which undoubtably you will) then you're going to be in a much worse position as you'll feel like you've led her on even more and feel trapped that you're now in a relationship which you feel you can't exit as you knew all of the doubts and reasons for wanting to break up with her before you entered the relationship.

I would say it's best to hold out for a girl that really matches your criteria and that you really like.

The worst case scenario is that you enter into a relationship with this girl who seems like filler only to find a girl you REALLY like a few months down the line but be trapped in a relationship you don't like.

I hope that helps

The part that stood out to me is that you mention her smile - and also her eyes... in ways that were a bit ouchie. For those reasons alone I would not get involved. You will forever be noticing her "faults" in appearance.

I have come to peace with the fact physical appearance is not important. We all have flaws. That does not detract from the love they give, nor the devotion. If someone has very good qualities that is enough for me... if they are also attractive on top of that - woot bonus.

But look at what you need - if appearance is important as well as love.. don't get involved.. it probably won't go well... don't let anyone push you into anything... you know in your gut what you want to do - follow that or else it can end in a hurtful way. Not just for the girl... but for you too..


Good luck!

You could always do one, &/or the other, or both at the same time, and then bounce.

I mean, if you're going to burn bridges you may as well do it right and burn 'em right to the ground.

It's an option.. just sayin'.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

It's more than just her appearance. Something about her just doesn't quite agree with me. But no, I'm not going to "play" her. I would like to believe I have more morals than that, although I lately question that.

If you have been following my posts, you may know that I've had several relationships and they failed (apart from one).

I know you may not want to hurt her feelings but sometimes, you just have to be honest with her and just say that you only just want to be friends with her and of course, tell her your reasons why you don't want to continue your relationship with her in the first place.
It's better that your not in a relationship where you feel unhappy with and I've been in that situation where I just think there is no way out.

From my experience, I've had to be direct but unfortunately, it didn't end nicely and I've learnt that ending relationships over text messages or emails are NOT and I mean NOT the best way to end a relationship (unless it is a long term thing).

It's better to see her face to face about it.

Thankfully, I've not been in this situation for a good long time now to want to do so.

Yes, totally be honest. If it's too hard to say in person, say it through chat or text. I was in a similar position in the past before where a guy was really wanting to be my boyfriend, but I kept him around as a friend. He kept getting closer and closer, trying to even cuddle me as friends. Then, I one day felt bad and agreed to go out with him, hoping feelings would form. Nothing happened and in addition I realized I had my heart on someone else. The right thing was to tell him all this. So I did: I told him that I tried to feel a connection but couldn't and that I loved another person. He was heart-broken but I stayed by his side as a friend as long as he needed to move on. But be warned, sometimes they don't give up and try to still manipulate you into being with them. If that happens, break contact since they can't force you to be with them. .

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Neurotypical. I'm very friendly; feel free to message me.