Critique my OKCupid message...it's different, gutsy, crazy

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So I've come upon a really great profile for a gal on OKCupid, and I figured for this one, I was gonna go for broke. Mainly because I can tell she gets lots of messages, and I wanna stand out and make an impression.

So I wrote a message...in verse. Either it's the dumbest thing ever, or it's inspired. Damned if I know which, but here it is for your thoughts [and for context, the woman I'm writing is an artist and freelance photographer]:


I've read a few profiles, and I think yours is my fave,
It was simple, concise and very precise and said what you wanted to say.

Your interests are many, and we share quite a few,
I love vintage wares, and world affairs, and a good film camera, tried and true.

What are you doing now, do you have any projects?
Any shoots, any crafts, for work or for laughs, what's the medium, what's the subject?

I shall end my missive, to beg and plead,
to forgive my crude verse, hopefully it's not the worst, that you'll ever have to read.

But I hope I've charmed with my scant diction and wit,
which leaves me unable to find the right close, I suppose...I could...well sh-

Brilliant! Gonna be a hard act to follow.

That one would sadly enough annoy me to hell.

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

It's definitely selective, not generic nice. Very distinctive. Which I think is a good thing...unless, of course, you were wanting to date Uprising. Then it's a disaster.

So?

I love it.

Haha, I like it! I don't know that it'll work, but it's certainly creative and I'm sure if nothing else she'll appreciate it

Send it, I am curious to see if she's gonna respond.

I plan on sending it this evening. I worked on it over my lunchbreak, and I don't want to give the wrong impression, if I send to early, that I've got nothing else to do than write verse to strange women.

But I'll report back once I send it.

BR

I once got a poem as a first message, back when I was on OKCupid, and wasn't sure what to make of it at first. It was in blank verse and actually pretty well-crafted. I wound up responding, just out of curiosity and because he stood out.

It seems like it would be easy to alter and use for other women too. I'd try it a couple times. It couldn't hurt.

Getting personal about women you haven't met is risky, you should be careful and not invest too much emotion into someone unless you have developed a relationship with them.

I don't see what's personal about it? I'm trying to show I put some thought and effort into it. If you saw this girl's profile, you'd understand how many guys she probably gets to writing her. She's gorgeous. I like her because she has such a wide range of interests shared with me, but lets face facts, on the surface, I'm way out of her league.

So I've gotta elevate myself from the clods, and so I'm doing it by writing a really different message.

Well you've got nothing to lose and something to gain from it, that's the way I look at it but try not to analyse when you are going to message her or put emotion into it.