Questions on LDRs

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Hello,

I am in a relationship with a Filipino girl, and she has been great, but as of late, she has worried me. I understand she has to get her ass going in the Philippines, since life is hard there, and money is scarce, so minutes for a phone, computer or such are not easy to fund. But at the same time, I worry she may be pulling away. I already asked her opinion on whether we should split up, and she said no. But here is the problem, what drew me to her is the chatting, and it smoothed over my girlfriendlessness, and I really enjoyed her company. Now I am lucky if she replies to my messages on facebook. I would consider breaking up, but her mom is going through something. I even asked her about that, and a day went by and I said hi, and she replied with merely a hello. I am trying to be the bigger person, but I find it kinda hard. I got to the point of feeling depressed again, like I did before I had her, and so I decided to start hitting on chicks. I have done alright, but the question about her still nags me. I don't know whether I should let her go, and if so, how. Thanks.

Have you met her in person?

If you're hitting on other girls, then yes, split up with her.

No I have not met her in person. I want to be with her, but I need some companionship. I just don't know if I can continue on. I think we should just be friends.

I think with online friendships in general, at least speaking platonically (and I believe this applies romantically, as I'll give an example in a second...) it takes years to truly know the person from talking to them online.

For example, one of my online friends, I met back in 2004 or 2005? I talked to him on AIM, and on the phone. Anyway, I finally met him in person last year. Oddly enough, since we both talked so much and stuff, and it was like....7-8 years of knowing each other, when we met in person, it was oddly seemless. Like I'd already known him in person. No like big surprises compared to online "persona" vs real life. But I knew him for a LONG time.

My friend ended up actually marrying a girl he met online. Great girl. He met her in 7th or 8th grade, on some RPG or anime board. They just talked to each other on AIM, and eventually started playing WoW together. She lived on the other side of the country, though. Eventually circumstances happened, and she moved closer to where he lived, in Brooklyn for acting school. And they met up in person. She eventually moved down here about a year later, and then maybe a year or two after that, they got married. With this, though, my friend met her when he was like 13 or something, and didn't end up meeting her until he was like 19 or 20 years old.

Another girl I was briefly acquainted with who worked at a store here, she and her boyfriend lived together, and her boyfriend and her knew each other for 3 years just online before really meeting each other.

Anyway, I think the biggest problem with an online relationship is it's still a distance relationship. Things take a lot longer. I'd not really consider anyone boyfriend and girlfriend or whatever just talking online. Because it's going to take a lot longer to know the person. Talking online, you're gonna see their good days, bad days, etc. If you do like this girl, then great. Go get a plane ticket this summer and meet up with her if you think she's really your "girlfriend." If not, be happy talking with her, get to know her more, and then time will tell you everything you need to know.

Sounds to me like you're only doing the LDR because you're lonely. The fact you're taking any other opportunity you can get seems to confirm this.
If I were you break it up now. It's not like there's going to be a major backlash from either of you.

Are you aware of the various scams that come with the territory of international online romances? I hope that you have researched this thoroughly.

Moreover, don't think that you are her only option.

I understand the ramifications. But here is the thing: I don't feel welcomed here at home. It seems any advances on my part are rebuffed, and any advances beyond a friendzone are shot down after the first date. I am so confused now. In addition, now she is deleting her facebook. I wish I had a hooker or escort right now .

I will recommend How to Get Gorgeous Pen Pals and the Woman of Your Dreams in Asia by Colbert Bellevue (available on Kindle).

It will give you some practical tips, if you're thinking of going that route.

And, never mind her. There are plenty more where she came from.

What would be the point of an eternal LDR anyway?

It's hooking up without the hooking up. For isolationists and people with baggage or commitment troubles it's the ideal solution. Others might turn to it if they're not ready to be in a relationship but need attention, nurturing or love of some kind.

If you're already hitting on other chicks then it's clear you're in a relationship with her for all the wrong reasons.

What would those reasons be?

-Lonely and using to feel less lonely
-Just so they're not single
-Attention from any women rather than attention from the right woman for them.

LDR= glorified pen pal