I am starting to doubt that humans are capable of true love

Post Reply New Topic

I used to be absolutely certain that I would find that girl for me, in the past.... I "knew" it. It was such a liberating feeling, to know that you one day would be able to be happy. Then, one day, I found a girl (or she rather found me) who got completely obsessed with me... she loved me very deeply, and, likewise, I loved her. She had a lot of problems in her life, and I wanted to do everything I could to make her happy.... I even was ready to break the law for her, in a country other than mine, to sort things out and make us be able to finally be together.... my plans didn't go as I had intended, though, and we couldn't meet at that time (later, I thought of this as a very lucky twist of fate). I meant to sort out the situation, but she broke up with me for the second time, instead. A couple months later, she contacted me and wanted me to take her back, which I quickly did. Two weeks later or so, she was unfaithful to me, with some guy, who she lost her virginity to. So I broke up with her, instead. I had really tried to do everything for her, she loved me, and I loved her, but it was irrelevant. This happened, anyway.

Next was a girl who seemed so sweet in every way.... her hobbies were so cute, and we shared interests completely. She was a perfect match to me, and I loved talking with her. I quickly had fallen in love with her. Suddenly, she just disappeared. There was no way for me to get in contact with her, anymore. Initially, I tried to remain positive, but soon, my life turned into a living nightmare and crying myself to sleep turned into me walking around like a zombie, and going to bed as a zombie. My life had been ruined. The girl I loved had just... disappeared. A month and a half later, it turned out she had been taken into a psych ward, and she admitted to me about her rather severe mental problems. I told her I was fine with that, and made it clear that I would be by her side. Unlike last time, though, I wanted to make sure I wouldn't have said that I love her, too early, so even still, I never had told her that I loved her. My thoughts were that if you overuse a word, it loses its meaning. I wouldn't make that mistake, again. Suddenly, one day, completely out of the blue, she wanted me to "prove" that I love her. So, I finally said that I love her, but obviously, it was not the right situation to say that, when she now even demanded proof. I asked her what she wants me to do to make her believe me - did she want to talk on the phone...? No, that was out of the question, apparently (we had never talked on the phone, yet, at that time). I called her anyway, and she just freaked out and seemingly dropped the phone on the floor. A week or so goes without me hearing from her. Suddenly, she SMS'es me with tons of love in the tone of it.... later that day, she asks me if I would still love her, even if she had lied about something. I asked her if she had just lied about her name, which she didn't reply to. It quickly started to seem obvious that she was hiding something very bad.... turned out she, as well, had been unfaithful to me, recently, with her ex-boyfriend, losing her virginity in the process. She also had lied about her name and many other things. I still do not know if anything about her was true. She was extremely creative, so I think she may have just made everything up.... yet I loved her, anyway. I probably just fell for lies, yet I apparently thought she was my dream girl, anyway.

Next, I found a girl who had shared dreams with me - we clearly had had a psychic connection. The first e-mail she wrote me almost made me feel love at first "sight". It's amazing what a connection we had, and I could tell, *this* time, that there was no way she was dishonest. What a wonderful girl she was! Everything about her was perfect, and we were compatible in every sense of the way. But it was not to be. She changed her mind on some priorities in life, and suddenly we no longer were compatible, and it ended. It left me with an absolutely hollow feeling...... if even *this* girl wouldn't be my true love, despite the psychic connection we had had, and the amazing chemistry, then how could anyone...? It made me finally realize that I may have been wrong about true love. While I still believe it exists, I am now deeply questioning its presence among humans. Since I have been born human, I do believe it may even be out of reach for me, as well. You have heard it countless times - "True love *does* exist; me and my girlfriend have been together for almost ten years and we both still love each other as much as when we met." Suddenly, they have a crisis and it ends, and if it doesn't end, the passion is gone. Maybe humans simply lack the intellect of being able to fully understand true love...? And since true love is all I live for...... if humans cannot experience it..... doesn't that mean that I should die...? Because there is no real point to anything else, in life. True love is the single point of it that there is. So if I, as a human, cannot experience it.... doesn't that mean that I shouldn't be human...? That I shouldn't be on this particular planet...?

Thanks for reading. I've wanted to get this out, for a while, now.

"True Love" is an unattainable ideal, at best.

I haven't experienced dating for myself yet, but I have seen people that are happily married and truely in love. First of all, don't live just for romance and over prioritize it. Don't try too hard for it. Try making friends with girls first and get to know them outside of dating. If you get to know them outside of dating, you will feel less likely to try to impress them and vice versa. After becoming friends, if you feel like you like them, ask them out. Also, do not make that girl your everything. Be patient. There are some girls out there who are faithful. Don't just look at how they treat you. Look at how they treat other people such as her friends. Don't try to find love. Let love find you. It is said that things sometimes happen when you least expect it, and it is true. Some of my friendships have even proven that. Never give up hope.

It's not so much the idea of finding true love, it's knowing and understanding that you can truly take care of yourself and truly love yourself and a partner. Love needs work, just like you need work on controlling your emotions and expressing them. Some may not realize it the same way as others might. It's really a hit or miss game. And to be able to express yourself when you need to do so with your partner is the ideal situation for love. Too many people however are too afraid of such a thing.

romantic love is nice, but unnecessary for a fulfilled life. I live to help others. there can also be joy in simple things like a sunset.

and don't give up on love after just 3 experiences. I dated over 100 people before if found my husband when I was 52.

Humans are indeed capable of true love. Of course, I find myself to be a dragon in a human's body (I don't know why, but I just do). But anyway, do as the person above says and make friends with girls first. That's the best we can do really. That's how my dad got together with my mom.

True love is possible, but it is something that evolves. It's not uncommon for people to date a lot of people before you find true love.

What is true love?

An imaginary state of romantic bliss, achievable only with a "Soul Mate" - a mythical creature that never farts in bed.

Does this mythical creature also have the ability to make their s**t not stink?

I think that is part of the expanded description.

Most people today have a very screwy idea of love and think it has everything to do with feelings and chemistry, romance itself is idolized. Love is not primarily a feeling, it is a decision, and an action that is accompanied by emotion. The emotion is a side thing, especially as it is not constant depending on circumstances, and circumstances are never stable. Love is a decision made to stick with someone no matter what, to put them first, to act to please them and act for their best over my best. This works when both people take on that commitment. Some days I get down, but I can still love. If I mistake emotion for love, if I start to get caught up with feelings and and a situation I can be unfaithful. Therefore I need to be aware to avoid situations like that, and realize that just because a person makes me feel good and happy, that does not mean I am in love.

Aww, you guys are so romantic....

I have to agree that someone's "one true love" or "soul mate" doesn't exist except in badly written novels. If someone "completed you", then it's time to take a hard look at why you aren't whole to begin with.
Cynicism aside though, don't give up looking completely OP. Just realize that perfection doesn't exist, and take dating slowly with eyes open.

True love is definitely an idealized concept that although feels good and is a strong motivator to keep on going with life especially when you are young, it's a ultimately a false concept.

Every relationship in life has conditions. If those conditions aren't met the relationship suffers and often times ultimately fails no matter how much people may love each other.

The only way love can last is if the conditions on both sides are met or at least comfortably compromised on. If that doesn't happen, say goodbye to love. It will eventually wither and pass away.

True love definitely exists

+ You need to be loveable first to get loved.

You can't experience love when you look very much like jabba the hutt or smeagol for example.