all women I meet seem to be insensitive jerks

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I want to know how I can show a woman I am caring, nice, genuine but it seems my lack of confidence and lower self-esteem is a road block to achieving this. I try to be nice and caring and I always get rejected it seems.

It seems you have to walk on egg shells when you first meet someone and the minute you show any sign of lack of confidence or self-esteem issues (well I am really not sure this is why) and the woman is gone and you never see them again. Why are people so cold and insensitive. It seems the woman I am meeting turn out to be monsters who treat me really bad. I get all upset and then they get freaked or call me a lunatic. This is after it seems the woman lead me on and told me all these lies. I am sorry , but I lose it when someone treats me this way but then they just think I am crazy when they are the ones that are crazy. ugh!

Seriously there is no end to the cruelty of some women. I seriously need to calm down and stop flipping out about it. But they make me crazy! I start calling and just berating them. I turn from nice guy to complete and total A&%hole. And then they just avoid me. I wish they could see how they make me feel but they just do not seem to care.

I am just extremely confused because I cannot deal with the feelings of attraction and then they get taken away and I flip out like I am some kind of love sick fiend. I feel like I am in love with them but everyone says I am not. I do not understand. It is like I am a 15 year old with a crush or something. The emotions get too intense and then when they reject you after you thought they liked you I just lose it and start calling them and yelling at them or start calling 10 times in a row.

It is horrible because they think I am a psycho but I am really not a psycho. I would never hurt anyone in the way they think I would. Maybe it is because they do not know me very well and they seem to get very skittish. I can come across so strong and aggressive and they seem to completely be afraid of me.

I have some success to a point but once I have a meltdown they just disappear. If I fake until we are together for awhile I can explain my situation but I do not dare mention it early or show any sign that I have self-esteem problems it is pretty much impossible for me to complete conceal my lack of confidence. It seems so hopeless.

Anyways sorry for rambling. Believe I am not in as bad of a place as it sounds. Just a little hyper and frustarted.

And yes I realize that flipping is probably what is causing them to flee and stop talking to me. I figured that out. It just seems I cannot control the emotions and then it happens even after I told myself to not do it again.

what kind of women are you talking to. Stay away from them, find nice ladies to talk to.

Well the last seemed really nice but she had just come out of an abusive relationship, had low self-esteem and depression. Oh yeah and she was also an ex-cocaine user. I am a recovering alcoholic so I did not really think this was a big deal. But then again not everyone is sober who says they are. Maybe that was the problem? Man I sure know how to pick them. lol. I like women with problems for some reason since I think maybe I can fix them

I just need to forget about that and find a nice girl who really is a nice girl. I am considering Aspie women. Honestly I am kind of a mess so it seems I attract messed up women. ugh!

You are a mess (your words, not mine). You know you are a mess.
Instead of finding women to fix, how about spending that time fixing you?
The real problem here is your lack of investment in yourself, and your lack of self control, and lack of personal responsibility for your own actions.

Time to take some personal responsibility here.
If a woman pisses you off - go beat up your pillows or something.
But never, ever, ever call them 10 times, hurl verbal abuse at them, or otherwise show them that you are pissed without any self control.

And yes, as long as you are a mess, you will attract messed up women. That should be giving you double incentive to deal with your own issues and put yourself first and start changing that.

I am not abusing anyone. Honestly typical female response. They can do whatever they want but now I am some abusive jerk. Honestly I am really upset.

I should be able to attract the right person who is good for me. I was not being abusive. I got some issues and instead of bullying people maybe you should try understanding instead of berating me. Dang!

Do you just want to cause a meltdown because that is what is happening to me right now. Thanks for that!

Last edited by punkguy378 on 26 Jun 2013, 12:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

You don't know me and to start a response with "I am a mess". Your words seem very condescending. This is some kind tough love stuff or you have some kind of vendetta against men like me.

I don't see how you were bullied. You were given advice. It might have been delievered fairly directly, but there were no insults or anything that I saw.

No it is really insulting and now everyone is going to start ganging up on me. Honestly I really dislike direct feedback that sounds like telling me I will never get anything. There is nothing I can do about the fact that I have AS. I try hard every day. I had to fend for myself when I was constantly getting into trouble because people were ignorant. Abused people go wrong and then people continue to keep ypu down there.

I'm not trying to be an ass to you.
But you need to understand how this looks from the outside.

Taking our your anger on anyone just because you feel entitled to will make anyone run - male or female. I know a lot of women who do the same thing as you, and men flee from them too. It's because of the entitlement involved, regardless of which gender you are, it comes across and egotistical and desperate - even if you are just in severe pain. Other people don't like dealing with it, and they don't have to, so they won't. It sucks, but it's true.

If you continue to do things like that, at the best you get a reputation for it and people will avoid you - especially women. At the worst, because you are a man and losing your temper (unfortunately, this means you will be seen as more of a threat), you may end up with restraining orders against you.

Last edited by Kjas on 26 Jun 2013, 12:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

I never made any excuses at all. I guess you like to bum rush people and then completely ignore them. I just need to tell you being this direct will make people mad. What are you trying to bait me. I am just trying to get you to see that this kind of response is unacceptable.

A lot of people have AS and they continue to do well for themselves because they realise that having AS isn't an excuse for anything. No, you can't cure your AS, but you can learn stratagies to help you navagate this world with millions of people who are all different and who all have their own problems. It's up to you though to realise that you need to work on yourself and then go out and do it. No one in this world has to do anything, but that choice comes with consequences.

Okay I think I understand I just misunderstood. I honestly see any criticism as a personal attack on me. AS causes me so much confusion.

The thing is I have all the good intentions in the world and this stuff still happens. I am cursed or possessed or something.

But I just do not think you understand what it is like to be the victim of abuse. It screws you up. I drank for two years almost killing myself in the process. I have been away from alcohol for 10 years and the pain just will not go away. I have been on loads of meds went to dozens of doctors and I am still messed up. I am just trying to forget I even exist.

I think its ridiculous that no matter what has been done to you you have no right to explode. Sorry this is the way I have been for 30 years. No one has really told me how to stop meltdowns. Once it starts you cannot stop it. If people want to think I am crazy I don't care because they are wrong. I am actually a good person but when someone leads me on and then pulls all kinds of lies. I find it hard not to justify my anger. Sorry I guess I have always lived by eye for an eye. Probably because I was left to my own devices. I tried to handle my situation of bullying back in high school by retaliating. I will never apologize to any of those people. They deserved it. They had no right to push me around and you have to stand up for yourself otherwise they think you are weak.

I am not sure why I even said anything. This is not worth it. I cannot go anywhere without someone making me upset. Even safe places are not safe.

Honestly I am probably pushing everyone a way. But why do they have to leave. It is so cold and insensitive. I am not trying to upset anyone here but I have a really hard time with this right now.

I mean not even the AS people understand me. What is going on? I am so confused. Why am I the only one who seems to have this difficulty.

There's standing up for yourself then there's being childish, which is what lashing out is. When you lash out, people feel justified in ditching you.

You do have a right to explode, you just don't have a right to make other people feel threatened. Everyone explodes, they just do it in different ways to you. Some people cry while stuffing their faces and watching chick flicks, others go to the gym and work out until they drop, some throw themselves into work, others take solace in their family and friends.

The nature of my AS does not allow me to back off I get indignant. I come across as arrogant and pompous. Every one ends up hating me (well not everyone). Now you are probably going to run away because I sent too many messages. Honestly who cares if I send a hundred.

What is your problem? I mean I almost want to cry right now and you don't care. I need a woman in my life and why can't people see I have to have it. It just isn't fair. I want to die every day. I hate it. I need love my life has no purpose anymore why am I obsessing so bad over this. I am going crazy.