How to get over nerves of first time sex,, 22 year old man?

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I am almost 23 and had a very religious upbringing and, of course aspergers. I am too shy to flirt back with women and usually get overwhelmed and do not even make eye contact.


I have been chatting with a 35 year old divorced woman, she added me a while back on FB after we both commented on a link and she found my picture attractive. It took me a while to tell her but she said that is a turn on for her and she will make me comfortable... I am just extremely nervous and penis size is not an issue with me, its just ive never done it, its unknown, all of my friends say its nothing... But I dont know why I am so nervous... Is it really just natural for a man?
This will happen thursday night... Im already impatient, the more time, the more I think about what can go wrong.


Is there anything that I could take that would not mess with getting an erection? Such as Xanax? I am so nervous I can't eat, I'm an avid runner and I havent ran since I made the trip plans on Saturday... I know its only a couple of days, but this is something I have wanted since I was old enough to get these sexual feelings and I'm talking like 10 - 11... Its been incredibly hard to remain celibate, but I was so nervous to even talk to women. I feel like breaking down and crying because I am so ecstatic...

It's happening now... How do I just keep cool?

Well, I had plenty of time to prepare for my first time and I had no problems at all despite being much older. All I can tell you is to take your time and don't rush immediately into it. Slowly build up to it and you will do just fine and there is nothing to be nervous about. To be honest it wasn't that big of a deal to me and contrary to what you might hear it's not going to be some life altering experience.

Just do like I did and tell yourself it's not the end of the world if it doesn't happen. When you put it into perspective, it's much easier to deal with the nerves.

Best advice I could give is not to masturbate between now and then. It's difficult, but trust me. If she knows that you're a virgin then the pressure's off as far as performance is concerned. I'd go ahead and look up some cunnilingus/foreplay stuff if you haven't already, it can only help you. If you run you should be in pretty good shape so the physical aspect won't be a big deal. I was dead nervous my first time but I didn't have any trouble with erection, that's just me though.

I lost mine when I was 20 to a hooker, for the sole purpose of just losing it. Wasn't a good experience but I don't really regret it either. Once the clothes came off I just went into brain-neutral. Neither of us were really aroused, on my end I blame it on jerking it three times that day because I was worried about last long enough (ended up lasting too long, if you get my drift). I was just hard without desire. But I'm glad all that happened with a hooker than with someone I truly cared about. Next time I had sex, I was ready, and it was much much better.

Don't sweat it too much, its like riding a bike, you're going to fall off before you learn not to, but ultimately its all about learning control (there's a classic old chestnut about how thinking of something totally off-topic like baseball will distract you from getting overheated and losing control and it may seem silly, but the principle is sound). Its actually great that you're starting with a partner who's a bit older than you and more experienced. She knows what to expect and will be understanding and patient, so just follow her lead and know that first times are only perfect in the movies. Congratulations and break a leg! Just not the middle one.

Also, I was prescribed Xanax to deal with my serious nervousness for situations like this, would this prohibit me from getting a full erection? I just wanted to take a few to get through until that day.

Ask a silly question but couldn't you just masturbate after taking xanax and see what happens?

Don't think about 'it', think about her. In other words, you're generally at your best during sex when you're not thinking of sex in and of itself, but who you're having sex WITH, appreciating her beauty, her energy, her desire...her, basically. Don't miss the forest for the trees.

What if the two of you first went to a bar, talked over a couple beers first, then later went back to her place or whatever to do it. I think the alcohol and the talk at first might help a little.

Sometimes with a new lover, I am enjoying our sex very much and getting a lot out of our time together and our touching, but I cannot reach orgasm. It's like a muscle in the base of my penis has tightened up too much.

And the Zen of it all, just go with the flow. If I ejaculate right away, that's okay. And if I don't ejaculate at all, that's okay, too, as well as anything else.

In fact, with the Masters & Johnson, four-phase sexual cycle of arousal, plateau, orgasm, resolution---sometimes plateau and orgasm run a close first second. And if plateau is extended, might actually tip the scale in that direction.

Honestly speaking - I would say, slow things down.

You should really watch the MTV show "Catfish."

It worries me you feel negative emotions going into it and aren't heeding your instincts about that.

It worries me you would reach for a chemical crutch because of that.

It worries me this person could be anyone, with any sort of bad intention.

Absolutely nothing wrong with taking things slowly. Get to know the person. What if it is a negative experience? You would be in a strange city with no support around. I mean, a friend or family member's shoulder to lean or cry on.

Also what if you develop feelings for them simply due to the physical experience? Since it is your first time it's something you will always remember...it will automatically mean more to you than to them. What if to them you're just a conquest? It may sound exciting in theory or in movies but it could leave you feeling very cheap and miserable if they just dumped you after.

Do you plan to marry one day? Not this person but someone? Your virginity may be a prize to that future wife, do you want to give it to an unknown person you met online and may never see again?

Honestly if you just want to have a physical experience perhaps it would be better to go with a buddy to Nevada, find a good and legal brothel and let a professional handle things. Use plenty of barrier protection, so you don't get an STD.

You know what else...sex really isn't worth all of the above risk.

By the way I would give all of the same advice to any NT in the same situation.

You need to watch that movie about putting p---y on a pedestal.

What Popsicle said, although I'm not sure about the brothel part and think you could regret that later, given your religious beliefs.