aspie who can date nt's

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do the aspie folks who are able to date nt's more than once,
do they have better social skills than one's who can't.

is there a social skill ladder for asperger.

A ladder theory within a ladder theory...INCEPTION!

People on different parts of the spectrum might find it easier than others to date anyone, let alone NT's.
Social skill is a big player but not a sole determining factor.

ASD is closely linked to developmental delay, and the delay could be in any kind of social interaction; making and maintaining friendships, verbal or other communication, or eye contact or any number of other things.
I always found I come across too strong when I first meet people, and always felt that being introduced to a potential partner by anther person was somewhat contrived.

Girlfriends I've had in the past seem to have come from chance encounters; a girl I met on a ferry (when I was a deckhand), and girl I was introduced to by a penpal from a music mag when I was 16, a woman who worked a shift with me covering a lady who was sick once.
I married one of these, and dated the two others, one on and off for several years, another for about 3 months.

The one good solid relationship I've had that's stood the test of time is with my current wife (I got divorced from my first wife when my daughter was about 1 - but that's a whole other story).
I met my current wife via an online dating website.
I have to admit there were a few failed attempts with others first though.
The beauty of online dating is that you can check out each others' profiles, email, message and phone each other, and really get to know each other reasonably well before you meet in the flesh.
This takes some of the pressure of social anxiety off, so by the time you meet - presuming you're both patient enough to take your time, or at least interact a fair bit before you meet - you are familiar enough that it doesn't feel quite so awkward.

I think like everyone else, ASD or NT, we learn over time, become better at socialisation from exposure, and eventually it doesn't feel quite as alien or difficult.

In my case ironically I am now less tolerant of crowds, don't like going places that it is difficult to get home from, and find myself in a happy healthy relationship with my wife, but most of the friends I stay in touch with are her friends. This is partially because my wife uses a wheelchair, which makes me anxious about getting caught in a crowd, and getting home, and partially about feeling so comfortable and happy with her, that anything that threatens the safety and stability (real or perceived) sets my anxiety reaction off.

So I think the only answer is you can date NT's or ASD's - depending on who you find is attracted to you that you find attractive, but it will take a bit of tolerance and understanding on both sides.
I do think that online dating is a great thing for aspies though, the sense of control and ability to check out profiles before initiating contact is great, in that you don't feel the situation is as chaotic as the "real world" whilst at the same time it's a bit more of a level playing field.

Without a doubt there are different scales of proficiency for socialising. There are also many aspects to this thing called socialising (it's not a single skill).

NT's or Aspies will have varying degrees of proficiency in any aspect of socialising. Thinking quickly what things might be involved in socialising (noise tolerance, politeness, topics to talk about, eye contact, that undefinable thing called charisma, relaxed/anxious, neediness, verbal & non-verbal understanding, and no doubt many many more).

My point is that everyone including everyone will have varying degrees of skill in any one skill. There are many skills involved in socialising.

Don't fall into the black and white, has/has-not, mindset of comparing yourself to what you "think" NT's can do.

benh said it quite well I find. Don't have the experience he has, but understanding and communication as well patience and tolerance are key factors into dating and having relationships. I know enough by now to agree with that.

As someone - with more noticeable autism than an Aspie - in a relationship with a non-autistic (though not NT) person, I find that I really like how we complement each other. My partner has extraordinary patience, superb executive function, and a gift of gab worthy of 100 Blarney stones. He can get along with anyone and make anyone smile, and he also helps me advocate when I'm in a sticky situation like when I'm being harassed by security or having problems with alexithymia.

I'm the person who deals with budgets, computers and whatnot in the house and other practicalities that aren't speaking related, because I'm not verbal everyday, and my income is also slightly higher. Also, I have more physical stamina. Whereas my partner has issues with dyslexia, emotional control and dyscalculia that impede these processes. We're like Kirk and Spock in a way.

If I were with someone who was more like me it would be a bit different, to say the least. I would definitely be quite different.

My relationship was not found through 'good social skills' but through special interest and quasi religious groups. Also I have often made a point of favoring relationships with fellow disabled people though not to the exclusion of anyone, but because other disabled people tend to have similar experiences.

I need a lot of alone time for intellectually and emotionally processing. Which is not necessarily a good thing, not necessarily a had thing, just is

And I really hope I have a girlfriend who understands and is comfortable with this.

your social skills are probaly better than autism folks who can't date nt's.

to be able date nt's, you have to have some good social skills.
all autism folks,I know are not dating nt's.
but I'm with the mid to lower level autism group.

I've done it, just that after enough time it gets uncomfortable enough to where I get uncomfortable and flake.

The usual senario - I was able to hold my ground and hold an even-keel as my NT act historically held up. Then, eventually, my reservoir for holding that together runs out, my brain goes numb, they see the vulnerability, actually gravitate to it, and it shifts from us holding even to something maternal in them coming out. They love it, I on the other hand end up feeling like I was buff naked in front of them with all of my life's dirty laundry hanging out and all way too quickly and completely outside of my terms.

I haven't dated in quite a while but suffice to say it's never felt right when I couldn't hold at least an even psychological handshake with the girl I'm dating (at least if the front falls). The challenge - lol, I tend to like girls (and likewise they tend to like me) who have mind-melting depth. I'm hoping at least that one of these days, the next time I meet a girl who's like that who I'm attracted to, that I can get over such issues and simply trust. Even if it fails it would be a big step in the right direction. Either that, or, with some luck she might trip my hormones and seduce me well enough to where my fear of vulnerability or feeling 10x outclassed gets submitted by that dynamic.

Not really. Aspies who can date NT's have sex appeal (or more than their partners), and their partners probably care about little more than sex. Alternatively, their partners are fantastically insane, and their partners have trouble finding a sane NT who will put up with them.

That has always been my experience. I am almost always much better looking (or else much saner) than most I have dated. It's basically a trade off: my lack of social skills trades for their bad looks or serious mental health issues.

The other alternative is when the NT's culture fits unusually well with your personality.

Like East Asian girls. Sane East Asian girls tend to like me.

Or you could just date one of your own kind (a non-NT).

I have had some dates as such but they weren't aspie women as far as i know. I think my social skills are OK, which must effect relationships and dating to a degree. Pass on the skill ladder thing, maybe there's books for aspies - someone mentioned one to me the other day on here.. will post back if I find it.

EDIT:

No, I saw it on amazon my mistake. I don't know if it's good or not as nobody recommended it.

What Men with Asperger Syndrome Want to Know about Women, Dating and Relationships by Maxine Aston.

Found the authors page on google, she seems pretty involved in aspergers so maybe it's good.