Should I bother with dating?

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SFProductions468
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10 Aug 2013, 6:03 pm

Hello. I'm an 18 year old male who has just graduated from high school this year. I have never had a girlfriend nor have a ever went out on a date in entire life. Throughout high school, my fellow classmates of the opposite sex tend to fake their personality when I'm around them (with very few exceptions). What I mean is that they were nice to me when in the long run they really weren't (as in they were druggies, jerks etc.). Because of this, I don't have much trust with my female peers. So my question is, Should I try dating again in college/adult life, or would it just be a complete waste of time?

Some facts about me:

I'm really into gaming (mainly PC gaming)
I'm considered obese (5'10 at approx. 230 lbs)
I graduated with a 3.9 GPA (mainstreamed student)
I do have friends that I hang around with (none of which are female)
I don't go out much (only on rare occasions)
I occasionally have temper problems (only at home, not in public)



GregCav
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10 Aug 2013, 6:58 pm

Worth a try, some people are naturaly lucky and you may be one of those.

I'm 47 and never had a girl friend, though I'm seeing a couple and dating when I can. None stick around.

There are quite a few Aspies on this site who have found a partner.

Put simply, if you don't try you may miss that oportunity of a life time. Oportunities don't come back, when you miss it, it's gone forever.

Keep your expecations relevant, and just enjoy the experience. Do not place any expectation on any one woman, they'll run.



lost561
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10 Aug 2013, 7:12 pm

It depends on how important a relationship is to you.

It sounds like you have a lot going for you as far as academics go and that's a really good thing.

I would focus on your looks, go to the gym, try to dress good, eat healthy.

And focus on personality. Look at who is successful in dating and try to be your own version of that.

This is just my advice of course. Do whatever makes you happy.



LookTwice
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10 Aug 2013, 9:46 pm

Not sure you need "formal dating"; when you go to college, opportunities might crop up naturally. So I'd focus on self-development, i.e. mostly figuring out what's important to you in life and then doing that. I think doing that while being open to other people might be a good approach.


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diniesaur
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11 Aug 2013, 1:31 pm

You're into gaming That might be a good place to start finding people with similar interests. If you're in college or somewhere similar, try to find a "nerdy" hangout (there's always at least one) and go there between classes. Try playing with others, getting to know them, talking with them about that stuff--LookTwice is right; opportunities do come naturally in college. I've seen real, live, overweight people in real, live relationships. It's NOT that big a deal.

Don't be all desperate and "I want to get a girlfriend" because that won't help you any...You can work on your looks if you want like lost561 said, and keep your genuine personality (if you pretend to be something you're not, people who do start dating you will break up with you quickly when they realize who you really are). You can still be yourself and use good social skills--you can like what you like and do things you enjoy, but still avoid offending people or talking about things that scare them (mostly stuff that comes from human bodies, but also other things sometimes). Do work on temper.

But most importantly, you need to go places--most importantly, places where people hang out and share your interests. Not all public areas are the same (a lot of times Neurotypicals will talk like they are, but that really only applies to people like them who 'fit in' with 'most people'). Keep your friends and find acquaintances. Be friends with females too--you'll learn how to deal with them (they ARE different) and some of them may develop feelings for you, or introduce you to their female friends. But when you make friends with someone, don't ever do it with the expectation of future dating. It makes a hollow friendship.



Cafeaulait
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11 Aug 2013, 2:32 pm

Why not, boy? :D