dating eight months. limited contact is par?

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been dating an aspie man for eight months. his communication skills i've complained about for months (and not much has changed except me being more accepting that the communication is limited). now it's becoming clear that we won't see each other as much as i would like to. he lives thirteen miles away from me; doesn't have a car, so i drive to him when i want to see him (he hasn't traveled to see me in about six months). will an aspie man change the way he wants to see someone if that someone expresses that they would like to see more of them??

That would depend on the individual.

But no matter how much he cares for you, his needs for personal space or alone time, may make it seem like he doesn't want to see you. It can make it hard on a couple, I know. Balancing time between work, family, relationships and yourself is a hard task when even the smallest amount of socializing takes a lot out of you and you need time to "recharge".

Just look at all the *plenty* of guys who always are the ones who drive miles to their girlfriends/fiancees, yet never complain about it (nor they even think to make the girl pays for gaz - I saw threads before on other forum of girls suggesting to make the guy pays for gaz because she's the one who drives), huh just saying. Your case is the same of a huge portion of guys in relationships, if not the majority, on this planet but genders reversed.

If guys would complain about always driving 20km+ to their girlfriends/fiancees and make a serious issue out of it then that would include more than half of male buddies I know, but they don't, a lot have gfs from other cities and I've never seen them coming.


anyway... does he call you or initiate any contact with you?

Maybe, maybe not. Depends on the individual.

I suspect you're interested in whether the man you're seeing will change the way he wants to see you. In which case, have you asked him?

hello all, am new here....i am a 56 yr old woman who has been seeing a 50 yr old man on the spectrum, high functioning savant...and i need a place to learn and cope...we have been together for only 6 weeks, but he is already using the two C words, COUPLE and COMMITMENT, which delight me to no end bc frankly, we are extremely well matched sexually, emotionally and intellectually...we are falling deeply.....; he has been involved in an important professional project since we have met, so between his need for alone time and the seriousness and passion he invests in project, we can only see each other once a week.....he is off to present the project abroad and will b away for 2 weeks....i support him and want him to follow his bliss....we have discussed the limited time element and he promised to renegotiate when he returns...luckily i have a busy professional, social, family and creative life and need alone time too....but i must be honest and say that i would like to spend more time with him when he returns...also, he cannot sleep over (which i understand...but still....)....NO, i do not want to change him, he is perfect...but i wonder sometimes if he will truly b able to negotiate time issue....we live 40 mins away by metro, so thats not a problem. btw, he has a history of long romantic relationships with abusive women and says he feels SAFE with me. in addition, he is a very feminine man and i adore that...also says i am only one who has ever accepted his femininity.....so what's a lovelorn girl to do??? luckily he is totally into discussing feelings and seems truly committed and in CONSTANT contact by email, text and phone between our awesome encounters....i am blessed but don't know how i will be able to cope since i myself have safety, abandonment and depression/anxiety issues...thanks for listening...would appreciate feedback...xox

yes, he does contact me sporadically ( not as much as i wish, but that's my issue. =] )

i've asked him if the sporadic visits are what in store for me in the future; he hasn't responded yet.

If he doesn't have a car, I'm not sure what you're expecting of him.

I was in a LD relationship (350miles) and I was the only one with a license for most of it. It's not like 13 miles is very far of a drive for you so I'm really not getting the point of the complaint other than to insinuate that he's some kind of a deadbeat because he lacks a vehicle.

I would say that there's a chance he's about worried being too clingy and scaring you off, and he's just pushing it too far in the other direction. That's one of my fears if/when a relationship happens. But eight months is a long time to keep up that kind of charade.

Is the main issue really the lack of communication or his lack of car/visits?

Honestly, It's a common thing I notice when the guy lacks the car while the girl is the main driver: the girl complains about driving to him and taking him to places.


If she hates driving that much then I wonder why she even got a car :-/

If the girl doesn't tolerate 'reversed roles' (ie. her the driver, him the stay at home dad...etc) then she's not egalitarian at heart.

him being a deadbeat is beside the point. lol

this could still be a chance...

should i ask him point blank?

i have a car because it's pragmatic.

i'm fine with 'reverse roles.' i might add that i'm emotional and have recieved (and bought into) social messages of what a relationship should look like. =[

*scratching head*

then why this thread again?

Like what messages?

...that he is supposed to call/email/text me. that he is supposed to ask me how my day went. that he is supposed to put forth effort that lets me know i'm important in his life...