AS guy, like an NT girl, no idea how to ask her out

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I have become attracted to an NT girl at my school recently. I have known her for a while, and, while NT, she isn't exactly 'normal' herself - very quirky sense of humour, into Lord of the Rings. I want to ask her out on Valentine's day, but don't know what to say, and tend to get very embarrassed and jumpy when dealing with romantic relationships. Bought her a valentine's day card, would it be a good idea to give it to her if she says 'yes'? Also, how do I handle a relationship (dating, self-disclosure etc.), if she does say 'yes'? Any advice?

Why not suggest an evening out as a way of "counterprogramming" the holiday? Say something like, "Hey it's Valentine's and all and the couples are out, and we're left in the cold. Why don't we get together? Do a meal or order in pizza and watch LOTR."

I assume you own a copy of LOTR. How about you invite her to watch it at your place and you order some food as the poster above me suggests. No need to go out to a restaurant or bar but if you feel more comfy outside, maybe ask her to coffee. Good luck man. I know how tough it can be and it's good that you want to go through with it. There was a girl in college I really wish I could have asked out but I was too shy to do it.

Congrats on finding someone that caught your eye. Now for the nerve racking tough part: letting her know you are interested. I might wait after Valentine just to take out the pressure of the day. A card is a good start, let's he know she is on your radar. It is very important you disclose autism/aspergers upfront. Believe me, it would have saved 5 years of "misunderstanding" between my husband and I. It will give the NT girl an opportunity to learn about and understand YOUR Aspergers. A little self deprecating humor takes out the tension. "Forgive me for being the king of awkward, I have aspergers." I think asking more questions about her interest is a good start. Let her know you would like to know more about her because she is interesting, (kind, attractive...insert appropriate trait). Be direct but not pushy. " I enjoy talking to you, you are pretty cool... I am going to (insert place here *library, starbucks, comic book store etc.) on (insert day, or general time *this week), would you like to come? " Offer to meet her at a neutral place to get to know her better. Your home or any place that is "your turf" can be too pushy, intimidating or nerve racking. Find out more that just LOTR... what does she like to do? fave foods etc. Be respectful and always offer to pay when you invite a young lady out. It is old school chivalry and shows a genuine interest.

Last edited by mobot6 on 13 Feb 2014, 3:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Funny that I'm about to give you advice since I was (am) the same as you with girls, but I suggest to play it cool. Just ask her if she is doing anything tomorrow (don't mention Valentine's Day at all). When she says she is not doing anything (hopefully), suggest a movie. Make it seem casual - at least it would be a start.

I think that it is important not to invite her back to your house for the first date, I think that it is a move which will scare the wits out of her.

Choose somewhere neutral,

PS. I love the screen name which one of the other people in this thread has chosen (Fortran 77 is the name of a classic computer langauge)

OT: Ah Fortran, I learned that in a community college class I took the summer before my last year of HS.

OP: "Would you like to get some (coffee/tea/beer/milkshake depending on age/location/personal tastes) tomorrow evening with me?" or "Would you like to go out with me tomorrow evening?" and then suggest an activity if the answer is yes.
I would suggest a neutral location with beverages and/or food so you can talk, within walking distance of either your or her home or a romantic type spot like an overlook or something.
Movies you can't really talk, they're better for making out in the dark once you're at that point.

That's how it's done, son.

Just remember that the worst thing that happen is that she'll say no.
That's not the end of the world, so don't worry about it too much.

You'll never know if you don't ask.

Best of luck!

Boldmode. Just say "Hey, I love you and don't want to be awkward". Boldmode is always a winner because it has not much awkwardness. And yes, it's called Boldmode.

So how did things go, FeralRobot?

Well, if you are a social knowledgeable person, you do not need to disclose. Just start hanging out with the person, and know how to find the right place and the right time for things, in order to ask a girl out. You have to feel as much chemistry as possible. For a PDD person like myself. My social skills were in the gutter as a kid, but now I became a more socially mature person compare to my younger days. I am not as talkative as I used to be, but, I socially growed greatly. My weakness is running out of patience with things and I had a rare incident where I punched a friend in the public. But nonetheless, you have to make social decisions that are smart.

Also, you have to be as successful in life as possible, too, in order to find the right person, as well.