The Sudden GF thing.

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As you know I've said for a while that I think my youngest son who is now 18 has AS. Maybe, maybe not. He's got ADHD and is deaf in one ear. So he's got s**t to deal with anyway.

Anyway, he's nice looking and has had girls all over him for years. I thought he was gay forever, but he's not. He finally, a month or so ago, got a gf. Now she's living here. She's got a job and supporting him too. She's also pretty.

I don't know how he went from hanging with his friends, all guys, playing video games all nights to this girl moving in here and being in love with him. I don't mind that she lives here now either. She pays her own way, gives us money for him and cleans up after herself and also in general at other times. I like her.

What I want to know is, and I've had guys as friends for my whole life, but I have never heard of anybody falling ass backwards into finding a gf. Usually there is some effort involved. He makes none, for anything. Ever.

Some people are lucky in life. My brother is one.

She's also completely and totally cool with his weirdness crap. Like is complete and total freakouts over the smallest little thing. I heard her yell at him the other day to stop being a goddamned drama queen she would go and wash his shirt right then and he quit yelling, all he did was mumble. She also told him to stop his mumbling at her. He's got like 112 shirts in there. Three of them were dirty. Guess which one he wanted to wear? Guess how he reacted when it was still dirty 12 hours after putting it in the hamper. That's what she deals with. But they are great together. She seems to be able to deal with anything very calmly.

I hope he marries her.

see the limerance thread. I have had this happen a couple times. His girlfriend may be a beleiber. Not that she is actually a beleiber but in that she doesn't really understand that her attraction doesn't make sense and is partially based on an internal narrative/fantasy. I always avoided these girls because I didn't understand why they would feel so strongly for me and they were generally not the kind of girl I would pick for myself. If she is living there and being productive that is actually kind of cool but idk.

On the other hand he made the decision to accept her and if she isn't freaking out about him being Aspie all the time good on them. Not a good idea to look the gift horse in the mouth (plz dont misconstrue the saying). Being in a relationship is a chance for social growth so its great.

Part of what may be going on is she bought into the Disney narrative of true love and love at first sight and so she felt an attraction to him and the imagination went from there. IMHO teenagers are kind of dumb and cant really handle their emotions. Based on my experience with college freshmen they form these attachments a lot and then break up and form them again even when they are unreciprocated. My BFF in college told me her boyfriend loved her, but I knew him really well and he had told me previously he had never loved anyone even his parents and family and when I asked him he said he was just f*****g her and actually was getting bored and thinking about creating some space between them. It was really sad. (on the other hand I was glad because her overt sensuality with him in public made social situations awkward as hell.)

EDIT: I just saw the second post. That actually sounds kinda interesting. I hope it isn't too one sided and that she gets something out of it too. The fact that she is able to placate him during freakouts shows that she actually might understand him and that he appreciates her enough to be responsive which is a good sign. I wish you/ them luck!

I'm much better at thinking of negatives than positives but if she can learn to proactively deal with his obsessiveness I guarantee he will love her for it.

She's pretty cool, I like her. She understands our family dynamics here. She comes from a f****d up family herself. It's all good. She's great for him, she really is. He's calmed down a whole lot since she's been here. She even got him to try some of this crab soup she bought and made but I wouldn't try. I warned her, as did everybody else, against trying to push it on him, but she did, and he smiled and tried it and said "Nah" and walked on. Normally he would have made himself throw up, but he wasn't going to do that in front of her. She kept on at me too and I just said "It's my house" so she stopped and I didn't have to try it. I like crab, a lot, but not in soup. Unless it's crab in a butter soup. Which they don't make.

He makes money but he doesnt have a job. Know what I mean? So even though she's off at work, he's here and there making some cash. He's very much Mr Social s**t, he can sell anything to anybody, anytime. Freezers to Eskimos even. He's be talking some kind of global warming s**t to them and get them worried and they'd buy them right off him. Thats just how he is. His negative characteristics and his stupid ass OCD crap are why I think he's aspie like me.

I do like her very much though. My oldest daughter has been with her bf for 7 years now. She's 20. First bf, and gf for the both of them. Engaged and all. Basically common law married cause he's been living with her for like five years now. Oldest son had one gf he just kissed, for like 4 years then got with his baby mama and was with her for a long time. Till now. My kids haven't done the "date everybody you meet" thing like I did. I'm glad for them. they seem to know what they want and then thats it for them. Yet can't a one of them motherf***ers pick out a pair of shoes somewhere if I take them to get some. Partner for life, yeah, I'll take that one. A pair of shoes? Oh no, this is going to take some thought!

They are still young and dumb. Anything can happen between tomorrow and two weeks from now.

First reaction: Does she have a sister? My son is 22 and, as far as I know, has never made any effort to find a girlfriend.

Second reaction:

For me, when my first marriage ended, I blamed it on a "Florence Nightingale syndrome." I didn't understand my motives at the time but, in hindsight, he was a total loser and I figured I could fix him. It didn't work.

been trying to find a girlfriend for 8 years, so i'm envious of your son. glad at least some aspies find love

A lot of people at that age don't have to do much of anything except be attractive - nothing more, nothing less.