To kiss or not on the first date...or does it matter?

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I've been reading on this lately, whether to kiss on the first date or not, and I've read the gamut...some, like professional matchmakers, say if you don't kiss on the first date, you're signaling you're not relationship material, and increase the risk of being friend-zoned. But others say the opposite, that NOT kissing says you view the other person as not just an easy hookup but long term material.

And then do you kiss on the lips, or a peck on the cheek, or what?

And then there's my thought, that if the other person is GENUINELY into you, does it matter AT ALL, whether you kiss them or not? If the chemistry is there, is a minor faux pax of kissing or NOT kissing going to really blow the whole thing? Are we just over thinking these things?

And for that matter, what about hugging? Even that gives me trouble...I just can't read people enough to where I can judge if this is appropriate or not for the end of a first date.

For me it's a no-brainer not to. If two people really enjoyed their first date together to where there's no question both want a second date, then leave something to be anticipated and imagined for next time. No rush.

In general, if you have to think about it, then don't do it.

If you let that moment pass and do not concretely demonstrate your interest on the first date, you will be friend-zoned, guaranteed.

For most it's a clear indicator of interest that they can depend on. Maybe they'll pick up on other signals of interest that you send maybe not, but trying to give a small kiss on the lips is a clear sign of interest that can't be misunderstood even by aspie standards.

Signals that a woman is open to being kissed:

Looks directly at you and smiles.
Leans towards you.
Casual touches.
Doesn't try to keep space between you, i.e., may lean against you a little when standing next to you, or let her knee touch yours under the table.

There may be others; these were the ones I could think of off the top of my head. I would say, if you don't get at least a couple of these signals, she's probably not open to it.

It doesn't matter, if she's not interested she will create an excuse to not go on a second date with you either way, with kiss or not kiss.

It's not the kiss that will create this spark of attraction toward you, even if you are the master of kissing.

Those are helpful, I will only say as an aspie and a man that you have nothing to lose if you are interested. I personally even knowing these things and having had them all happen my anxiety will make me notice everything she does not do. I still think trying for a kiss if you are interested is ok, if she doesn't want to say goodnight and smile then leave no one really gets hurt but the rejection was going to happen regardless. I prefer to be sure but that's just me.

It seems more efficient to try to find a way to judge based on signals instead of having a set-in-stone guide for how to progress a relationship. An absolute yes or no to kissing on the first date isn't going to work out so well with people who fall under the other category. Easier said than done, I suppose.

A hint about dating articles... many of them think they've uncovered The Secret, when really they've only uncovered one perspective.

IDK, I've always just asked. I know that some female friends in the past have said that a guy asking is not as romantic, or it ruins the moment but for all the girls I've actually dated and done this with, it didn't seem to ruin anything.
Only one girl did I kiss unexpectedly and that's because we had been corresponding online for 6 months and I told her before we met in person for the first time that I was going to kiss her. So it wasn't a surprise that I was going to, just a matter of when.

I would recommend no, especially if it's a first date from online dating. I think that the answer strongly depends on the type of person you're dating, too.

1.) If you're dating the type of person who writes all of these articles on yahoo (http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/dating- ... 80573.html), then you should probably kiss her on the first date. If you don't she'll think you have no confidence and move on to the next person in line.

2.) If you're dating a born-again Christian who attends church 7 days a week and twice on weekends, you probably shouldn't try to kiss her until after you're married.

3.) For run-of-the-mill people, I'd guess that 3-5 dates is probably a good time frame

It seems it all comes down to individuals. If I like a girl and want to be sure she knows I'll try for it. I can't read her mind and maybe I'll ruin the chance but for me it's worth the risk to show I care about them romantically.

I would disagree with this statement. For those of us who enjoy kissing, it is a big deal. There was a guy i ended up dating for a long time who I wouldn't have considered at all had he not kissed me at the end of the night - because the kiss was so good I overlooked all my concerns (bad decision as it turns out but he was still the best kisser I've ever had, so not regretting that at all)

what kind of kiss do you do on the first date? I'm clueless in that dept and if they don't orient themselves in a certain way then I cant figure it out. However when they do allow me to tell them what to do I've been told I'm good at kissing.

WHY? If I was on a date and a lady said nope but I wanna be friends and mentioned I am not boyfriend matierial because I didn't kiss her and even if she said maybe it will help. I'd say well yur an airhead and leave her there. Jk, if people think kissing is so important, then the date must be meaningless. That is why we call it a date not a kiss.

Look up on the direction to lean your head or just do it. No tongue it's a first kiss make it soft and just flesh to flesh no pushing no hardness. That's what women have told me. The first kiss is a soft lips to lips thing, for me I'd have a hand on her hip and one on her shoulder. For others it's one on the face and one on the hip, so many combinations. For me a deep kiss is one hand on her chin and one hand on her shoulder. So many combinations. Go with what feels right to you and she either will or won't like it. Some women like hand on hip hand on chin, some like no hands at all, a very few like hands on back pressing against (not generally a first kiss problem). You want to show you are romantically involved with her, don't think FEEL. As hard as that is for aspies trust me, I've always known how I want to hold a woman when I'm being gentle and affectionate. You know it too deep down, do what your heart says not your head. I can say this, when you go in for the kiss stop thinking stop worrying start feeling. It's scary as hell but give her a real kiss filled with just what you want to do. Just a soft kiss on the lips ever so soft, if I get to kiss a woman it will be a gentle first kiss with only my hands on her hip and waist. It's different for everyone though, let go enjoy the moment live for the kiss just then, and if rejected you know that she isn't someone who connects.