Fed up with ignorance(Not safe for work)NSFW
Fed up with dating people who have little to no intent to understand. This makes for really boring and relationship ending how do I say this appropriately... sex. Only one person was the passion mutual. But she lived too far away to visit on a whim. She didn't care about anything but a true connection. I've had enough relationships to know this. I always tell myself, "never again" but I usually end up finding myself back in the online dating scene with optimism.
The other day, I was so stupid, that I choked when a girl opened the door for ME. She was standing nowhere near the door but rushed to it when she saw me coming. She smiled, but soon looked surprised when I walked away because I wanted her to chase me. I didn't want to be a creep and bother her. That was irrational thinking on my part.
Why do I always blow it with the ones who give a damn, but the ones that I end up with want me to deal with excessive baggage? The baggage where they talk about their EXs and how great they treated them? How they imply their life was better before I came around? How they prefer kink over vanilla? It IRKS me!! ! What will I do now? Go back to the bookstore and look for that nice girl? That isn't logical as this was a week ago. I would only be setting myself up in vain. Why do I always come to my senses when it's too late? I'm sick of it. There are times when it's hard to tell the difference between flirting and average small talk, but this was obvious on so many levels. I'm a drifter walking down the road of loneliness waiting for someone to give me a ride, since I'm not a mechanic and can't always fix things. I don't see much point in living in the city, among so many people who don't understand, when I could easily move up to the hills where I'm better off. Trees, animals, freedom, and a few people, but the few people understand. Something irrational is making me stay here. Something telling me, well, I don't know what it's telling me.
If I could grant someone access to my brain for 3 seconds, they would understand everything, and we would live a happy life. But, here I am, still, no luck. I've made a fool out of myself countless times, but when will I give up? I'm just an Aspie who smokes pot and has a strong bond with music, but has a weak line of proper expressive knowledge.
I'm getting to the point where I'm done hiding myself. And on that note, I am hoping to be 100% Vegan by the end of the year. Sick of racists and UNNECESSARY hypocrisy(everyone's a hypocrite to SOME extent, even me), and sick of being told my head is in the clouds. Tell me something I don't know. This is the most angriest thing I've written in a while, despite my docile demeanor lol.
So that's my two bit rant. I'm 27, and looking for a companion.
For somebody who has "a weak line of proper expressive knowledge" you describe your situation remarkably well. I'm willing to be corrected here but I suspect your problem is a combination of Aspergers Syndrome and a lack of either experience or social skills training, I can't decide which. The way you reacted to the girl who opened the door for you, the phrase about coming to your senses when it's too late, all of these show that you probably have some idea of how to react but it takes some time to decide to do so.
All I can suggest is that you take some of the pressure off, dating isn't a race and if you spend a few months to a year getting your act together then nothing is lost. Consider placing yourself in a few situations where you can meet members of the opposite sex socially rather than on a date and just get used to talking to women until you're comfortable with them around. Get used to not just what they say but their body language as well.
As for your choice of women, all I can do is wish you luck. There are millions of women in the Bay Area and I'm quite sure that some of them have the sort of mental attitude that you seek. Where is she? I've no idea, I met my first girlfriend in the queue to see a laser exhibition at a university, I've met some through computer dating and right now I'm living with someone who I met by accident at the gym. Fate will bring you together, eventually, just not yet.
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Eccles
Dude i noticed you live in the bay area i live in the bay area too sorry was a bit random on my part!
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Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList
All I can suggest is that you take some of the pressure off, dating isn't a race and if you spend a few months to a year getting your act together then nothing is lost. Consider placing yourself in a few situations where you can meet members of the opposite sex socially rather than on a date and just get used to talking to women until you're comfortable with them around. Get used to not just what they say but their body language as well.
As for your choice of women, all I can do is wish you luck. There are millions of women in the Bay Area and I'm quite sure that some of them have the sort of mental attitude that you seek. Where is she? I've no idea, I met my first girlfriend in the queue to see a laser exhibition at a university, I've met some through computer dating and right now I'm living with someone who I met by accident at the gym. Fate will bring you together, eventually, just not yet.
The thing is, I have excellent writing skills, but my social skills suck. They are slow and delayed, making people confused and sometimes angry. Lack of proper training is the issue. I've had to learn a lot of things on my own, things that teachers and parents are supposed to teach.
I can understand your frustration, I would just advise to try to make every experience a learning opportunity.
I used ignorance to describe how a lot of people tend to ignore the fact that everyone is different. Even I, at times, tend to feel everyone thinks like me, but in reality, that isn't the case.
Looks like that first paragraph of mine was spot on then, it's social skills that are the problem rather than being an aspie. I'm sure that somewhere in the Bay area there's a place that does social skills training but I've no idea what the costs are, this may be a problem.
My initial advice holds though, find some places where you can meet members of the opposite sex socially without all the pressure of dating. Once you get used to talking to women you'll find it easier to read both the verbal and non-verbal signals and (hopefully) react in the right way on time. It's like the old joke of 'how do you get to Carnegie Hall?' where the answer is always 'practice, practice, practice'.
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Eccles

