Jokes to say on a date?

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I have heard that it is nice if you make a girl laugh,and let's accept it who doesn't like to laugh?So I would like to know some nice jokes,not banal ones and not the witty type.I think this is helpful even for the other aspies because they will know what kind of jokes to say,and make the conversation more friendly,especially cause this type of humour will be more socially accepted

I wouldn't have thought that "telling jokes" on a date was the best way to go about it. Humour in this scenario is best when it is spontaneous and relevant to the conversation at the time. It's hard to give examples when I can't possibly know what you will be talking about on your date.

Combine humor with poetry, for a sure-fire winning combination: "There once was man from Nantucket..."

You've got the right idea because it's been shown in the past that the two things women appreciate in a man are confidence and a sense of humor. The only problem here is that a) What's funny to us may not be funny to your date and b) the wrong joke at the wrong time will kill your evening stone dead. However, I accept your challenge and present the following:

A dog became lost in the African jungle. Wandering around, the poor dog notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. Noticing some bones laying on the ground close by the dog immediately settles down to chew on them with his back to the approaching leopard. Just as the jungle cat is about to leap, the dog loudly says, "My, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the leopard slinks away. "That was too close," thought the leopard, "that dog nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey had observed the entire scene and decided to cause trouble for the dog, while getting on the good side of the leopard as well. The monkey dashed off after the leopard, to tell him what truly happened. The dog saw the monkey dash off, and tailed him from behind. He overhears the monkey spilling the beans, and quickly decides on a course of action, racing back to the pile of bones.

At the same time, the leopard has decided to take care of the dog once and for all. The monkey hops on the leopard's back, to watch the demise of the doomed dog. As the leopard approaches, he can hear the dog talking to himself: "Where's that lazy monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago for another leopard, and he's still not back!"

"who went about town with a bucket"

Personally, I think joke-tellers suck on a date. If you're a little bit clumsy, that should be humerous enough. Take your date to a dimly lit restaurant that is quiet and serves really good food or one that has a dance floor. Smell even better than you look. and especially learn how to slow dance properly and ask your date to dance with you to the most sensuous songs. Don't try to kiss her while you dance. Just be snuggly. Be caring and a good listener. Be protective of your date (as if she were a very small child), be a man, not a joke-telling fool. If you take her to a movie, don't go and see something that has a lot of carnage in it. Take her to something gentle (animal lover movie PG 13) and hold and massage her hand VERY gently. At the end of the night, give her an open mouth kiss BUT NO TONGUE, But put a lot of good (fresh) breath in it as if you're trying really hard to hold back. Give her a light full body squeeze while doing this. If you happen to have some tumenesence, act like you're embarrassed about it. Make sure she gets home safely. AND ESPECIALLY, do NOT look at or flirt with other women when you are on your date. You'll turn her right off and she'll black ball you to everyone in town so no one will go out with you. There's nothing that makes a girl happier than a guy who is "WITH" her in every sense of the word.
If jokes really mean something to you, then take her to a comedy club if they still exist. You're her date, you're not the entertainment. A comedy movie might suffice.

Last edited by RightGalaxy on 01 Apr 2014, 8:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

This is very good advice. Take it.

Don't tell jokes on a date. That is the surest way to not have a second date. Being funny is different. That involves spontaneous one liner type things that fit the situation.

Hearing rehearsed jokes on a date sounds pretty awkward.

well i was basically saying to say a joke not the all time,but once in a while maybe one or the maximum two jokes in the entire meeting.And on the other hand these jokes would be nice in the chit chats

I agree, be humorous but not a stand up comedian. Although, considering my celibate streak, you might not want to take my advise.

It is natural for kids on the playground who like each-other to hit each-other and play rough, so when you grow up you just turn it into words and make little jokes about her/him. The biggest sign a girl likes me is when I get that little punch on the shoulder after lightly making fun of her. Trust me this sounds worse than it is. It is basically sexual tension with no other outlet, yet. I think the movie Hitch has a lot of this, but Will Smith does a better job making himself look bad, which probably works too.

don't tell the joke i did a while back

louis lane falling off a building says
"Save me superman"
superman says
i cant
im still stuck in this wheelchair

That is so cool; I love jokes that are more creative than crude. Thanks!

I appreciate you took the time to write the joke,thank you