Another one flaked.

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So, I've been chatting online with someone on OKCupid again. Except this time, she had contacted me first. We eventually organised a date and even exchanged phone numbers. The date was organised for last Sunday. I tried to confirm the day before, when she answered but the phone cut out. After that, I couldn't get hold of her again and then I went to the agreed place and time and waited like an idiot for about half an hour an she never showed up. This about the second time this has happened where someone has dropped out at the last minute. Why is this happening?

Back when I tried the Internet dating thing, I got outright blown off a couple of times and met some really strange women. I also met some who were really nice. If you get blown off, don't take it personally, just move on to your next prospect. From chatting with others, PlentyOfFish.com has the most crazies, OKCupid is in the middle, and Match.com has the best selection. If I did it again, I'd go with Match.

What's OKC? I thought that it is Oklahoma City

Now I've learned a new slang term: "flaked."

I've been stood up a few times myself in my life; it's not a good feeling

One has to move on, though.

In the old days, "flaky" meant something like "spacey."

They get a lot of messages there anyway, so it's highly probably for them to be contacted by a hotter prospect before the date and hence stop being interested in you.

And don't be surprised if they flake the hotter prospect for a hotter-hotter prospect and so on...

Oddly enough I joined these forums to ask more-or-less this very question, the main variation being that the girl in question was autistic, and I wanted to know how that might affect the situation.

Generally, there's not much you can or even should do about it when someone flakes out on you in this way. It is likely that either she got cold feet or she has another prospect who she finds more interesting (for whatever reason).

If she got cold feet, there isn't a lot you can do about it. The issue, whatever it is, is not yours. This happens more often with younger people (under 23 or so), but you're my age so likely aren't pursuing girls 10+ years your junior.

Online dating can be tricky, because one can wind up talking to or seeing multiple people in a situation where only one can come out on top. Many people don't handle this well. Some string people along too long, while others can't handle the conflict and flake out on people. Again, it's not your issue and there's not much you can do about it.

In either case, your best options are to either cut your losses and let her go, or to send one last message saying something to the effect that you are sensing a loss of interest on her part, but if she would like to contact you again at any point, you would be happy to hear from her.

I would recommend against being confrontational (even politely) about her attitude. People don't tend to react well to such confrontations and tend to either shut down or become aggressive themselves. Either way, a future meeting will be extremely unlikely, and if you don't care about that, then why bother confronting her at all?

Whatever you do, don't continue to send messages hoping to see or hear from her again. You will just come across as needy.

^From an old thread: