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Pressure to connect with/impress family of loved one

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ritualdrama
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01 Jun 2014, 2:30 pm

Okay...I could not give two s**ts about what my boyfriends family thinks of me. His dad tells him he's a loser and his mommy doesn't want him to move, even though he wants to be with me and be happy. When I went to visit him and his family (he lives a couple towns away from me) his mother expected us to hang out with her so that she could talk to me and get to know me. I have already told my boyfriend that I am pretty sure I have aspergers and it explains all the things I did not understand about myself. I am quiet when I meet people (especially the parents!) because I don't know what the f**k they want to here. I tried talking about something and his dad opposed what I said. His dad tells him likes like, "I'm sure she's already found someone else." And when we first started dating and he was having trust issues with me because he's been cheated on before, his dad told him that I didn't really like him and that I was just playing him.

I seriously don't give a f**k about talking to his dad. I don't give a f**k about petting his mom's self-righteous mommy ego either. He's 30 and has finally found someone who's not going to f**k him over (me) but his family keeps him in this place of feeling like a loser and feeling guilty for moving and being happy with me. Neither of us fit into our families. We both get along with our families but we understand the obvious differences between what we like and what our families like.

But really, telling your son that he's a loser? Cause he doesn't have a job right now. Seems like his dad doesn't really know how sensitive his son actually is and should shut his f*****g mouth. I hate how family will resent the choices they've made and how unhappy they have made themselves and then will project that unto their offspring.

End point here; I don't give a f**k about his family and making them happy. I only want to make him happy. I'm not in this for the connection I have/could have with his family. I love him, not his family. Who keeps him from having a life so he can do chores for them because they're old. f**k that. Sorry for the foul language I am just really pissed off because some of my family members have treated me the same way and it is utter BS. I was not born to stroke ANYONE's ego, unless I want to!!


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lotusblossom
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01 Jun 2014, 3:59 pm

ritualdrama wrote:
Okay...I could not give two s**ts about what my boyfriends family thinks of me. His dad tells him he's a loser and his mommy doesn't want him to move, even though he wants to be with me and be happy. When I went to visit him and his family (he lives a couple towns away from me) his mother expected us to hang out with her so that she could talk to me and get to know me. I have already told my boyfriend that I am pretty sure I have aspergers and it explains all the things I did not understand about myself. I am quiet when I meet people (especially the parents!) because I don't know what the f**k they want to here. I tried talking about something and his dad opposed what I said. His dad tells him likes like, "I'm sure she's already found someone else." And when we first started dating and he was having trust issues with me because he's been cheated on before, his dad told him that I didn't really like him and that I was just playing him.

I seriously don't give a f**k about talking to his dad. I don't give a f**k about petting his mom's self-righteous mommy ego either. He's 30 and has finally found someone who's not going to f**k him over (me) but his family keeps him in this place of feeling like a loser and feeling guilty for moving and being happy with me. Neither of us fit into our families. We both get along with our families but we understand the obvious differences between what we like and what our families like.

But really, telling your son that he's a loser? Cause he doesn't have a job right now. Seems like his dad doesn't really know how sensitive his son actually is and should shut his f***ing mouth. I hate how family will resent the choices they've made and how unhappy they have made themselves and then will project that unto their offspring.

End point here; I don't give a f**k about his family and making them happy. I only want to make him happy. I'm not in this for the connection I have/could have with his family. I love him, not his family. Who keeps him from having a life so he can do chores for them because they're old. f**k that. Sorry for the foul language I am just really pissed off because some of my family members have treated me the same way and it is utter BS. I was not born to stroke ANYONE's ego, unless I want to!!

my ex's family are just the same. They never stop trying to make mischief and being rejecting.

Its a tricky situation for my ex as it upsets him when they bad mouth me or him but it upsets him if I feel hurt, upset, anger so he does not feel he has enough support about it and caught in the middle. I try to be supportive but sometimes they are too cross making, last week they accused me of trying to get him to sell his things and give me the money which is extra cross making as Im always helping him out and giving him things dispite it not being my place to any more grr. Theyve repeatedly told him Im cheating and when we had our first child they said it wouldnt be his, its hard to bite my tongue and just listen to him telling me what they say. He gets very upset about it all poor chap.

they are very horrible to him about not working and having aspergers, I hope Im a better parent to my kids.

I wish we both had had different parents and a happier life, makes everything so much harder.



ritualdrama
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01 Jun 2014, 4:30 pm

I wish that people did not have this gaping void within them which causes them to get into everyone elses' business.


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starkid
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01 Jun 2014, 4:56 pm

ritualdrama wrote:
I wish that people did not have this gaping void within them which causes them to get into everyone elses' business.


:cheers:

Frankly, the expectation that someone's significant other spend any time at all with their family or take some special interest in them is b.s. They are complete strangers, and they are not the ones who are involved in the dating relationship. Everybody has their own personality, and to expect family to get along with the significant other, like them, or be interested in them any more than any other group of strangers get along, like, or feel interest in each other is unrealistic.



ritualdrama
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01 Jun 2014, 5:08 pm

starkid wrote:

:cheers:

Frankly, the expectation that someone's significant other spend any time at all with their family or take some special interest in them is b.s. They are complete strangers, and they are not the ones who are involved in the dating relationship. Everybody has their own personality, and to expect family to get along with the significant other, like them, or be interested in them any more than any other group of strangers get along, like, or feel interest in each other is unrealistic.


Thank you, Starkid. :skull:


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goldfish21
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01 Jun 2014, 7:03 pm

I think it's a nice thing to get along with your so's family so long as they're decent people. I like my crush's family and would be more involved with them if we were ever together. In your case, though, they don't really sound like decent people. Humour them when you have to. Be civil and polite. But don't waste your time around them if they're just going to be negative energy sucking emotional vampires.


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01 Jun 2014, 7:17 pm

Have you asked your bf what he would like for you to try to establish with his family ? I have no idea what it would be, but he may have some thoughts on it. It might be different for different family members.