Why might they be insulted?

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16 Jul 2014, 5:00 pm

If you reject someone and then later on change your mind and pursued them why might the person (who was originally rejected) be very offended if you said to them "can I go out with you cause I can't find anyone else who is interested"?

FMX
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16 Jul 2014, 5:10 pm

They might be insulted, because the statement implies that you don't actually like them. They are just there to fill a role that (apparently) nobody else wants to fill. Doesn't sound very appealing, does it?

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aspiemike
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16 Jul 2014, 5:45 pm

"Hey, you seem interested in me, and even though you aren't exactly the person I want to date, you seem like someone I could settle for. You want to go out with me?" You find that offensive?

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Stargazer43
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16 Jul 2014, 6:10 pm

I'd be quite offended if someone did that to me.

kraftiekortie
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16 Jul 2014, 6:32 pm

It's quite offensive to be used like that. It's like you're "settling" for me.

I'd be really insulted if a woman did that to me, if you want to know the truth.

Never do that.....please sir, for the love of G-d!

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16 Jul 2014, 7:40 pm

"You'll do for now - of course, until someone better comes along" That's what you're actually telling them. I'd punch you in the face.

The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Jul 2014, 2:15 am

Seriously? It's super insulting. :lol: "You are my plan B, the spare part" :lol:

You could suggest a short term or FWB instead yet it might be risky if she's wanting more.

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17 Jul 2014, 5:25 am

Jamesy wrote:

Because it means you're using them because you can't get anyone better.. and who wants to be thought of as a last resort? Pretty self explanatory.

My answer would be "Eat Sh*t".

That's how offensive it is. It also makes you come across as desperate and completely pathetic, in every sense of the word. Never, EVER say that to someone if you ever want to speak to them again.

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17 Jul 2014, 7:33 am

I'd say something like "Okay, which one of your two-faces should I date?".

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17 Jul 2014, 8:53 pm

Please tell me you're trolling and aren't really that dumb.

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StrangeG
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18 Jul 2014, 4:37 am

I think some of these replies have an overly angry tone. Let's not forget this website is for people who don't have the same set of responses to social situations as most people. Asking the question is the best way to learn.

I suspect you think in brutally honest terms, and find communication most efficient when it's equally honest. Absolute unfiltered honesty simply does not work in dating.

Most people have considered dating someone because they were the best available option, but would never say it out loud. They may not even admit it to themselves.

It is offensive to compare the object of your romantic interest to the competition. People are hardwired to despise competitors, so a negative comparison to their competition is going to provoke a lot of negative emotion. When in doubt just avoid anything that sounds like a comparison to anyone.

The statement you made sounds like you're saying she isn't very attractive, but that nobody else found you attractive. It doesn't make her feel good, and it doesn't make you look good either.

If I might make a suggestion, practice explaining yourself less when you speak. If you're like me in that you lack certain instinctive filters, you can still learn to consciously filter.

The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Jul 2014, 4:42 am

StrangeG wrote:

I think some of these replies have an overly angry tone. Let's not forget this website is for people who don't have the same set of responses to social situations as most people. Asking the question is the best way to learn.

I suspect you think in brutally honest terms, and find communication most efficient when it's equally honest. Absolute unfiltered honesty simply does not work in dating.

Most people have considered dating someone because they were the best available option, but would never say it out loud. They may not even admit it to themselves.

It is offensive to compare the object of your romantic interest to the competition. People are hardwired to despise competitors, so a negative comparison to their competition is going to provoke a lot of negative emotion. When in doubt just avoid anything that sounds like a comparison to anyone.

The statement you made sounds like you're saying she isn't very attractive, but that nobody else found you attractive. It doesn't make her feel good, and it doesn't make you look good either.

If I might make a suggestion, practice explaining yourself less when you speak. If you're like me in that you lack certain instinctive filters, you can still learn to consciously filter.

This is very true.

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18 Jul 2014, 4:48 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

StrangeG wrote:

I think some of these replies have an overly angry tone. Let's not forget this website is for people who don't have the same set of responses to social situations as most people. Asking the question is the best way to learn.

I suspect you think in brutally honest terms, and find communication most efficient when it's equally honest. Absolute unfiltered honesty simply does not work in dating.

Most people have considered dating someone because they were the best available option, but would never say it out loud. They may not even admit it to themselves.

It is offensive to compare the object of your romantic interest to the competition. People are hardwired to despise competitors, so a negative comparison to their competition is going to provoke a lot of negative emotion. When in doubt just avoid anything that sounds like a comparison to anyone.

The statement you made sounds like you're saying she isn't very attractive, but that nobody else found you attractive. It doesn't make her feel good, and it doesn't make you look good either.

If I might make a suggestion, practice explaining yourself less when you speak. If you're like me in that you lack certain instinctive filters, you can still learn to consciously filter.

This is very true.

I've also got no doubt people fantasize about others who are not their partner during sex.
The point is not that people do it, the point is, you don't say it.
If I said everything I was thinking in life I would probably be dead.

The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Jul 2014, 4:50 am

hale_bopp wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

StrangeG wrote:

I think some of these replies have an overly angry tone. Let's not forget this website is for people who don't have the same set of responses to social situations as most people. Asking the question is the best way to learn.

I suspect you think in brutally honest terms, and find communication most efficient when it's equally honest. Absolute unfiltered honesty simply does not work in dating.

Most people have considered dating someone because they were the best available option, but would never say it out loud. They may not even admit it to themselves.

It is offensive to compare the object of your romantic interest to the competition. People are hardwired to despise competitors, so a negative comparison to their competition is going to provoke a lot of negative emotion. When in doubt just avoid anything that sounds like a comparison to anyone.

The statement you made sounds like you're saying she isn't very attractive, but that nobody else found you attractive. It doesn't make her feel good, and it doesn't make you look good either.

If I might make a suggestion, practice explaining yourself less when you speak. If you're like me in that you lack certain instinctive filters, you can still learn to consciously filter.

This is very true.

If it happens during sex then this is a major relationship issue lol.

hale_bopp
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18 Jul 2014, 4:51 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

StrangeG wrote:

I think some of these replies have an overly angry tone. Let's not forget this website is for people who don't have the same set of responses to social situations as most people. Asking the question is the best way to learn.

I suspect you think in brutally honest terms, and find communication most efficient when it's equally honest. Absolute unfiltered honesty simply does not work in dating.

Most people have considered dating someone because they were the best available option, but would never say it out loud. They may not even admit it to themselves.

It is offensive to compare the object of your romantic interest to the competition. People are hardwired to despise competitors, so a negative comparison to their competition is going to provoke a lot of negative emotion. When in doubt just avoid anything that sounds like a comparison to anyone.

The statement you made sounds like you're saying she isn't very attractive, but that nobody else found you attractive. It doesn't make her feel good, and it doesn't make you look good either.

If I might make a suggestion, practice explaining yourself less when you speak. If you're like me in that you lack certain instinctive filters, you can still learn to consciously filter.

This is very true.

If it happens during sex then this is a major relationship issue lol.

It does. I don't do it, but It's very common.
Regardless, saying "can I date you because noone wants me" is along the lines of "can I eat out of the trash can because everyone else took the good food" or simply something like "You're ugly". I mean, it's not rocket science. Even aspies should be able to see it.

kraftiekortie
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18 Jul 2014, 8:27 am

In order for anybody to learn, sometimes bluntness, preferably delivered laconically, is the best method of education.

There wasn't anger in what I said--what I expressed is the hurt I would feel if someone used me like that.

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